Finding Independence

LegacyUser

Hi,
Myself and the GF (late twenties) have been together for 7 years (living together right from the start) and lived in a couple of countries with my job. For that reason I was always the bread winner and as time wore on I ended up taking most of the responsibilities for paying bills, booking holidays, almost all administrative stuff.
I know leaning on me this much bothered my girlfriend a lot and we had vowed to try and balance things up in the past when she talked about wanting to be independent. She also has some family issues that are quite severe and have been bothering her a lot lately.
Just recently she picked up a job and today she told me that she was going to go it on her own to try and prove she could be her own person and also to just get her head straight with regard to her personal problems. When I asked her what it meant for us she said she couldn't really tell for certain, just that this was something she needed to do and off she went today.
Obviously I'm completely crushed and I'm just posting here looking for some advice on how to proceed with regard to a time-frame for contacting her, seeing her socially, finding out where I stand long term, and the best plan to get things back on track if she does decide this is what she wants.
Much appreciated.

StillWaters

I don't understand OP, when you say ' go it on her own' do you mean she has moved away, broken up?

LegacyUser

StillWaters wrote: »

I don't understand OP, when you say ' go it on her own' do you mean she has moved away, broken up?

Yes she moved out but she didn't 'break up' as such; just said she had to prove to herself she was capable of living for herself.

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

Oh I can't believe I'm reading this.
This sounds like me almost 2 years ago.

Similar story. Boyfriend for 7 years, lived in different countries. He took ownership of a lot of things, bills, and gereral running of the house. We lived together always.

I eventually became so dependant on him, and it frustrated me. I relied on him, because I was so used to just doing everything with him. In the other countries I had no friends of my own.

It made me miserable losing my independance.

My ex fiance and I broke up almost 2 years ago, and since then I have gotten back in touch with mt friends, family, taken control of my own life.

My advice is leave your Girlfriend the time she needs. This is a very important thing to certain People. Independance brings happiness like I've never known.

Try to give your girlfriend the space and time she needs. This doesn't mean she doesn't love you. It means she feels perhaps needy, and this is making her miserable.

I lost my fiance because I leaned on him too much, and I got too bogged down with unhappiness, and I didn't know why. And it has been lost now...
Don't make the same mistake...

LegacyUser

Thanks, I don't think its as bad as your case as she had lots of friends in the other places we lived and wasn't totally cut off or anything but I suppose her chances for a career were stunted.

I had the idea that whenever I talk to her next I would suggest that we go to a counsellor so she can really just get it all out in the open and maybe the counsellor can suggest a route back to normality for us. Does anyone think this is a good or bad idea?

Its so hard being in the house at the moment as her stuff is still around the place.

LegacyUser

Hi..

Ok, the situation may be different. I too had friends while living away. But they weren't true friends to me. They were People of a similar age that I used to socialise with!

It is tough remaining in the house surrounded by everything. But think positively. You have not lost her. This is something that she just has to do. This is something that can make her happy in a way that you could never (no offence ment). But we get happiness from all sorts of things, and while a partner can make us happy to an extent, there is happiness we have to find in ourselves :-)

I think councelling may be a good idea, if it's needed in the future. I never tried that. But perhaps all your Girlfriend will need is the time to prove to herself that she can be independant etc, and perhaps the problem will be fixed.

She is doing the right thing. Although it is difficult for you at the moment. I believe we only get to the good places by going through the difficult stuff...

Try to keep yourself busy, and maybe use the time to focus on you..

daisybelle2008

Wheredoistand wrote: »

Yes she moved out but she didn't 'break up' as such; just said she had to prove to herself she was capable of living for herself.

She needs to do this for herself. It may be hard but you have to find a life outside her., give her the freedom she needs. If it is meant to be it will be. In the meantime find more interests and hobbies outside the relationship, you might find yourself too