Can anyone really start a new life?

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Regular poster here but going anon for this one...

So a 6 years ago I experienced a significant bereavement in my life and I myself experienced a life threatening illness.

During this time period of my life I also lost many friends..I think that this was due to the fact that they just didn't know how to deal with these issues and I can understand why they drifted away..I wasn't really the most fun person to be around!

I came through the grief and my illness and fell into deep depression. Again I came through this but I didn't really know who i was afterward or how to "be" and so I have spent the last 4 years of my life just working, eating, sleeping and then working some more. Just existing really..

Anyway over the last few months I've started really looking at my life (and myself) and wondering how did things get so off course and how did i get so lost in myself? Ive been alone so long now that I feel I've lost the ability to connect with people on a meaningful level..I have the banter and all that with workmates but no real friendships...the more I look at my life the more I ask the question "is this it?" and if it is I cannot face living another 40+ years like this..

so I have come to the conclusion that I need to shake myself, pick myself up and start again.. i am thinking that I need to move to a new country where I know nobody, nobody knows me.. I can have a fresh start and give life a chance
My question is do you think its possible for someone to just begin again or do you think its a good idea to just make a change like this?

Thank You all so much for reading and any advice is appreciated.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, I'm sorry to hear that you've had a tough few years.
I can very much to relate to this, the last 5 years (this month) have been the same for me.

I am currently living in Australia, and i am here ten months now - it is the best thing that i could have done for myself. Not only has it given me a new lease of life, but also time to reflect on everything thats happened to me the last few years, grieve for everything that i lost (through death, lost friendships, a good chunk of my early 20s that should have been the best time of my life). I've started to see a counsellor/healer and it's doing me the world of good - i now can see that none of what happened: bereavement, guilt, depression, loss of interest in myself and my relationship with the outside world, loss of friendships - at one stage in my final yr of college - i was simply doing as you described "existing" - there were days where i didnt get out of bed, didnt eat or anything.....so not replying to texts from friends, not going out for weeks........looking back, i didnt realise it at the time how bad it had gotten but now i am shocked at how i existed.

its not easy to admit to yourself that you were depressed, and definately hard to admit it to other people..... i have only just spoken to my mother about it, we are close and it was the hardest thing in the world to do, because i had hid it so well - alot of it was behind closed doors when i was in rented accomodation for college away from family and close friends. i actually asked her "did you realise that there was something wrong with me?" and we had a good heart to heart and a cry about it.
I still haven't repaired friendships - people stopped trying to get me to go out and do things, i was always working, or too tired, or had no money, or wasn't in the mood. I didn't give away enough for people, even my best friends, to know that i was seriously depressed.

I now have started to let people in, its work in progress in my own words, but it can very much be done, the move to australia has been so good for me....... but i havent ran away from my problems at home, im just giving myself time out.

best of luck, a xxx

mawk

of course its possible to start all over again. not easy but wholly possible. do you ever go on holidays and feel like everything is awesome?

It might not be necessary to leave the country, though a move might put you in a better state of mind. go somewhere nice, join a club or group you like and meet some new peeps

life'l be golden in no time

littlefriend

I have been through some of these things too OP. It is possible to come out of it. You don't need to move away to do it either - well unless you want to.

Are you on medication for depression or do you have a counselor?

vicecreamsundae

most definitely!
i'm not sure about running from problems -if you haven't talked to a counsellor before, i'd recommend you do.
but you can defnitely still start anew by moving, a change of scenery and new people can work wonders!

LegacyUser

I identified with the OP and was inspired by the first reply poster. Both resonated with me in different ways.

Lately I've been thinking I need a fresh start somewhere, a new beginning. In my past I have deep fallout from relationship failure, bereavement, family estrangement, depressive thoughts all of which have had profound effect on me.
On one hand I feel I need to get away to have any hope of beginning again and rescuing myself. On the other, I feel age (40s) and not having a transferable career or skill hobble my chances of a new opportunity.
I am torn. I feel as if I can't stay - and I can't go either. I feel I am where the OP is now but I yearn for where the first poster yesyoucan is now.

LegacyUser

OP here

Thank you all so much for replies!!

yesyoucan, what you said really resonated with me and has given me that bit of hope that I was looking for..

I did attend therapy and it really helped me when I was grieving after my daughter died but after a while it just felt like it was pulling me further down into despair and so I stopped...now may be a good time to resume...but i'm not sure if I'm in right place for deep personal exploration just yet...I feel like I've spent the last few years in the dark, now I can see a little light and I need to adjust to that myself.

I was diagnosed as depressed and given a number of prescriptions for anti ds...never took them...I know they help other people but never felt like the answer for me...I always used to say to myself if I get really really deperate I'll take them...but never did.

I think now that a new start may just be possible and I think, for me, this would require a total change in environment...there are just too many bad memories for me here..I know that I can't run away from my problems and my past..they are a part of me forever... i do however believe that being somewhere new, with new people would give me a different perspective and maybe my past won't define me any more.

And rewo, when I saw your post, it made me realise how my life would look from an outside perspective and I just thought Go For It, life is too short to not take chances and so your post answered my question completely, I think that we both deserve another chance at life and it is most definitely not too late...in fact I think that the time is just right.

Thanks again to you all for your replies...your good people and you have certainly given me a bit of much needed faith.