Miss the first stages of love

oide10

I know I'm at the risk of sounding ungrateful here, I'm in a relationship, I live with my boyfriend. He is a great guy however I feel like I'm being taken for granted. Even when dolled up he never compliments me anymore, when I cook dinner he never says thank you, sex now amounts to 'C'mon get your clothes off'. He's quicker to criticise than compliment especially to others.

I'm starting to crave all the things that gave me butterflies at the start of the relationship, the compliments, the attention, the romance (I can imagine lads reading this rolling their eyes!)

I'm beginning to find myself looking for male attention (I would never act on it!), I get a confidence boost when i know men are paying attention to me (I'm not hideous). What can I do to make him realise I'm not just part of the furniture. I've tried to bring it up but I reckon he just thinks I'm being a hormonal woman.

Suggestions please

Peps

Honestly, if it was me, I'd rather my girlfriend tell me immediately about the problems. Bottling them up constantly is just going to lead to more problems and will lead to further unhappiness in the relationship. It'll end up just hurting you both not talking about it.

Sit down with him, and have a serious talk about the problem. If he loves you equally, then he should be willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy. Just be sure to emphasise the seriousness of the problem so he reacts with a serious answer.

oide10

When i do sit down to talk to him he feels like I'm over reacting or sighs and says things like 'You know I love you'. I will try and have a serious tete a tete later although in the past it only helps matters in the short run.
My friends are suggesting I get out more (socially, pastimes etc ) and create a little distance so that he will start to miss me when i'm not around. 'Absence makes the heart fonder' or 'Out of sight, out of mind'?

Peps

It might sound a bit horrible, but it would work on me. Start making more male friends, and start talking positively about them to your boyfriend. Considering your recent discussions, he might start to fear losing you, and will step up his game more.

Just a random thought.

wylo

Peps wrote: »

It might sound a bit horrible, but it would work on me. Start making more male friends, and start talking positively about them to your boyfriend. Considering your recent discussions, he might start to fear losing you, and will step up his game more.

Just a random thought.

please ignore these mind games, if I thought a girl was doing that to me id lose all respect for her.

Your friends are right, maybe just get out more, do some activities in the evening, dont be always available for him.

That said, a serious talk is also needed first.

vicecreamsundae

definitely say it to him...even though personally i think if you have to say it, it's a bit pointless [i've been there.]

i don't know how long you have been going out, and obviously i don't know anything about your relationship so take my opinion with a pinch of salt, but to be straight up i'd say it doesn't sound like you're too happy, and if i were you i'd think about ending it.

might sound harsh, but i'm not suggesting you end it without bringing it up and giving it a chance first. but i really think all those feelings from the start of a relationship are important, and i don't think they have to or should stop when you get comfortable.

it's a pretty crappy feeling when other guys you have no interest in flirt with or compliment you when the one person in the world you want that kind of attention from is no longer bothered. i wouldn't stick with it.

Kev37

Peps wrote: »

It might sound a bit horrible, but it would work on me. Start making more male friends, and start talking positively about them to your boyfriend. Considering your recent discussions, he might start to fear losing you, and will step up his game more.

Just a random thought.

Such an Irish thing to do, mind games :rolleyes:
OP tell him straight out that you don't like how the relationship is going and are having second thoughts due to the fact that he ignores you.
Don't start flirting and hanging out with other men because its only going to go down a bad road and in fairness not complimenting you enough isn't a reason to cheat on someone or stress them by making them think you are going to (unless you're a horrible person).
If he doesn't get the messege break up with him.

Dark Phoenix

Don't play mind games there is no sense in that - make an effort yourself to put the spark back and I bet he will follow suit!

When you have been with someone a while complacency sets in its often not a deliberate thing its just familiarity can breed contempt, you stop appreciating each other as much, you don't notice things as much and simply put you don't have to make as much effort.

so make some changes - book a night for thr two of you to either go out or go away somewhere (funds permitting). Make sex more interesting - dress yourself up and look damn hot when he comes home and drag him into bed for some fun youcan bet he will be up for it! You have to remember that when you are in love with someone long term you stop looking so much at what they look like love becomes more than that but then sometimes its fun to turn that on its head and shake it up a bit - remind him what attracted him to you in the first place.

I think when this sort of resolution or complacency sets in its easy to blame the other person and wait for change to happen when its easy to shake things up and make it happen! I bet if you try, he will reciprocate

oh and while I would not play mind games there is no harm at all in getting out for a few nights with your friends too - someone can't miss you unless your not there!

krudler

Peps wrote: »

It might sound a bit horrible, but it would work on me. Start making more male friends, and start talking positively about them to your boyfriend. Considering your recent discussions, he might start to fear losing you, and will step up his game more.

Just a random thought.

That proably the worst advice you could give, instead of sitting her boyfriend down and explaining her issues like an adult and talking about them you're telling her to start making him jealous in a game of one upmanship? what are you? 12?

Peps

krudler wrote: »

That proably the worst advice you could give, instead of sitting her boyfriend down and explaining her issues like an adult and talking about them you're telling her to start making him jealous in a game of one upmanship? what are you? 12?

Firstly, there's no need to resort to personal insults. Secondly, read the whole topic. I already gave the advice of talking about the issue with the partner seriously.

If talking doesn't work at all, then your options are severely limited.

But hey, different methods work for different people. It depends on the nature of the person. The advice doesn't have to be taken. Nobody said this was the only thing you can do. But one has to consider all of their options. And for some, the option can be used as a last resort.

Of course I agree that one should talk about the problem to their partner, and that other methods should be tried first. I did state it could be a horrible thing to do. But honestly, be a bit more open-minded about options really, and don't just dismiss them like that. =/

The options are:
- Talk about it
- Make the heart grow fonder
- Make the partner indirectly worry
- End the relationship

To be honest, I consider the second and third option to be quite similar. As they have the same intention, not to take her for granted, and could easily make the partner paranoid and take the problem seriously. Either way, it's also somewhat of a mind game, and manipulation of feelings. If he trusts her, he has nothing to worry about, but it does depend on his personality.

So in short, please be a bit more mature, and open-minded about all options before resorting to personal attacks.

Overheal

I say lead by example. Have you done anything to romance him lately?

You can always ask around in BGRH but last time I checked the Bacon-Bra was still the hottest thing a woman can do to illicit male attention.

There is also of course taking him out on a date. It works both ways still.

oide10

It does of course work both ways, I agree. I feel that I am putting in an effort...like Fergie says 'Meet me half way'.

Spoke to him again re: issue but it nearly took me throwing a wobbler (mature, I know) before he realised I was being serious. He genuinely thought things were tipping along grand. He said himself he bent over backwards to get me and once I was his he felt he didn't have to prove himself anymore ( I know this sounds a bit Me Tarzan, You Jane), he'd won. I think men forget that women like to feel wanted, it's the way we're wired! Anyway he said he'd be more mindful so fingers crossed.

I do agree with those saying I should go and do my own thing more often, not to play mind games but to remind myself I have a my own life too that's not just me and him. Then we might appreciate when we are together.

dublingal80

fair play to talking to him op. Its the 1st step - communication. at least he knows now how you are feeling and hopefully he will take you seriously

Next time when he is how you dont like, just stop and say it to him then and there so he has an example of how he is like. When he looks back on stuff that happened months ago, he probably doesnt even remember.... but if he was like "get your clothes off", just take a step back and tell him thats what you are talking about, that you need to feel sexy and that aint helpin!!!

Relationships are hard work. They arent a fairytale forever and all easy peasy with roses and puppies. Everyone has something in their relationship that they arent happy with, and if you love the person enough you have to work through it

best of luck!!:D