Just found out I've got genital herpes :(

LegacyUser

I am so depressed Just found out I got genital herpes off a guy I've been seeing, even though we didn't have sex, just skin to skin contact is enough and he had no symptoms. I'm in terrible pain, and I feel so embarassed.
I'm so worried about what this means for the future. Apparently it's a virus so it stays in my system and can re-occur if I become stressed out or rundown. This is going to cause no end of problems for me I'm guessing.
I feel disgusting, but I know I haven't done anything wrong. I'm not the kind of girl who sleeps around. I'm not sure what this means for me and this guy, or if there's going to be any guy in the future who can accept me. Will I pass it on to anyone I ever sleep with again? Has anyone any experience with this?

Nevyn

What did you dr say?
If you mange your health you may never have another outbreak and you can usually only infect someone else when you are having an out break.
It's like cold sores, it happens, more people have it then ever talk about it publicly.
The right person won't have an issue with it.

Thaedydal

Thaedydal wrote: »

What did you dr say?
If you mange your health you may never have another outbreak and you can only infect someone else when you are having an out break.
It's like cold sores, it happens, more people have it then ever talk about it publically.
THe right person won't have an issue with it.

That's not true. There's a small chance of 'viral shedding' meaning you could infect someone at any time. This is the case for cold sores and genital herpes. Whether the risk is great enough to worry about it is another matter.

LegacyUser

Hi OP
I also have genital herpes and have had for the last 8 years. I find I get a breakout around my period but according to the clinic my breakouts should be very rare at this stage even though they're not. I've heard of people who hardly ever have one. I'm with my OH over 4 years and he was very understanding about it and never judged me, he understands I would never put him at risk and also that there's times we can't have sex but he's great about it. I never expected to meet someone who would be so good about it. Look don't beat yourself up about it because that won't help anything, what's done is done and as Thaedydal said the right person will accept you regardless, just obviously don't sleep with anyone without telling them and only tell someone you think you can trust. I did tell 2 guys I was meeting before my OH and they were very good about it aswell but they didn't want to stay with me which is understandable. I felt I could trust them enough to tell them and all I can do is hope they kept it to themselve

LegacyUser

Hi OP, I got genital herpes just over a year ago from my bf at the time - he wasn't showing any signs and whether or not he knew he was a carrier is something I'll never know, but it's something I have to deal with now. The first break was horrible and lasted quite a few days and like you I felt disgusted and really freaked out. The second outbreak was almost a year to the day later and right before my period - it was still very upsetting but I've come to accept that I was very unlucky and it's just something I need to deal with. I've since told two partners about it and both were fine with it, and needless to say I used protection with them.

Telling someone about it is extremely scary, but honesty is really the best policy. As has been said the right person won't mind and will deal with it appropriately.

It is possible to get viral suppressants to take every day which will really minimise the chance of you getting outbreaks, but afaik they're quite pricey.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

Hi OP, I'm a guy and I've had GH for 4 years now. I had absolutely no idea whatsoever that I had it for nearly three of those four years. I initially got what my Doctor diagnosed as a yeast infection after having had sex with someone a few days beforehand.

8 months went by and I started with a new partner, had an STI exam and was given the all clear. So time goes by, I went to the USA for work and when I went to the doctor there for something completely different he ran some blood tests and it came back that I had GH. They don't test for GH by blood in Ireland it seems. I was completely in shock and denial for about six months afterwards. Then thinking about it I could remember 2 incidents where I had been very stressed and run-down and my ''yeast infection'' had returned in a milder form and then it all fell into place.

Things will get better OP - it's far from the end of the world and you will come to accept it with time. It's only cold-sores down there at the end of the day. Sure it will put some people off who probably weren't right for you anyway. I never got cold-sores on my mouth but I never had any problems with kissing past girlfriends who I cared for who did even though I knew I could be infected fom doing so.

And look at it this way - GH can act as a barometer for your health - i.e. if you get too run down or stressed it will flare up so this can be an opportunity to look after your general health, diet and fitness more from now on. Getting Lysine tablets from the chemist or health shops will help if you get a recurrence and can prevent them if taken daily like taking vitamins. If you are one of the unlucky people who get frequent and really bad recurrences then you can get prescribed antivirals that will help ease and prevent outbreaks.

I know that it seems like the end of the wold now OP but it really isn't, GH can be a pain in the ass occasionally physically but I really do think the worst thing about it is the stigma of actually having it more than anything else. As I say it's just cold-sores down there.

My girlfriend who I was with at the time when I didn't know I actually had it never got it as we had always used condoms and I really do think that lots of people out there have it and never even find out they have it. The doctor who initially diagnosed me with having a yeast infection 4 years ago said at the time that this is actually a very common thing with people when referring to yeast infections - I'd say a lot of the yeast infections he'd seen were actually Genital Herpes outbreaks...

Try to relax about it OP, it's not cancer or anything thank God!
Best Wishes

LegacyUser

i found out i had genital herpes a few weeks before i turned 18 (5 years ago) and it was so devastating, i was in a relationship with my first love and first sexual partner about 4 months and i ended up in hospital during christmas week with my first outbreak, i got very very sick with it and lost about a stone's weight, and was on a drip for 4 days, i was on bedrest for the whole of xmas with my parents having to lie to the family about why i was so unwell - the shame and embarrassment of it was almost as bad as the excrutiating pain.
I originally presumed it was a yeast infection or thrush and mentioned it to my mum - 2 days later i was so sick that the g.p had to do a house visit, hence why my parents found out.....they never even knew i was having sex, i honestly felt that my dad hasnt looked at me in the same light as before since, i was his little girl and i let him down.


For the next year, i had outbreaks almost every month - two months, lesser in the second year, maybe once every 3 months, and it has steadily declined..... i haven't had an outbreak in about a year and a half at this stage.

It was a terrible time that first time - my partner had had no symptoms.....i know that i contracted the less common type of herpes (type 1 i think) - which is passed by oral sex.... so could have been a coldsore or body fluids passing it on. I even had my boyfriends mother confront me about sleeping around as "her son didn't have any sti's or symptoms" and that was so awful.....he was my first partner, i was well brought up, taught about respecting myself etc.

During the first couple of months i was sent for full sti checks, my mother dropped me at the door and ive never felt so lonely - she was furious but i got so sick with the outbreaks she couldnt help but feel sorry for me also. I didnt know what to expect from her. The medicine is quite expensive too - dont know if thats changed, i wasnt on a medical card so it used be 45 for the doctor and 50 for the tablets every time i had an outbreak. I had to pay for alot of these myself, as a leaving cert student/first year in college trying to hide the fact that i was so unwell from my parents when i could, as they resented my bf bigtime, and i felt i was just continuing to let them down.

Guess what.......it's stopped taking over my life.......i have a great partner, who ive been with for 3 years nw, i told him after being together 3 months when we were serious about each other, he's been great about it, and i can count on one hand the amount of attacks ive had since we've been together.....he always brings me home a little present when he knows its that time.
It's hard OP, but it doesn't have to be run your life xxx best of luck xxx

vicecreamsundae

aw that sucks OP , that's the **** thing with STIs, even when you have safe sex and everything you're still at risk, and in many ways it is down to luck.



it's a pain in the ass alright but don't let it control your life. the depression you are feeling right now it probably the worst part -i know some people who find out they have it or other STI's feel like they are "disgusting" or somehow being punished, but don't let yourself feel like that. it's just a condition like coldsores or anything else, and has no reflection on who you are, so dont beat yourself up over it.

like other posters have said, anyone truly worth your time will understand. as for passing it on to future partners, you won't neccessarily -my best friend's boyfriend has herpes, and he hasn't cought it, and his bf's previous bf's who went out with him for years never caught it either which is pretty good. but there will always be a risk, so i'd certainly advise condoms. you should talk to your GP about the risks of passing it on.

glamorous

Just to let folks know, in the early stages of GH you can ask to be put on prophylactic medication, it is very effective, basically a low daily dose of anti-viral drug, for about 6 to 12 months, it prevents outbreaks altogether. Do ask for referral to expert, or look them up, James hosp GUIDe clinic is brilliant, there are a couple of private GP specialists, eg Derek Friedman. I work in the area so know the score, also have personal experience. My greatest sympathies to you, go for some counselling & dont be moralistic with yourself, infections are not fussy you are not to blame, even if you did sleep around. To minimise episodes of outbreaks: Eat well, try keep fit, get enough sleep, take a multivit if you know you are going to get run down, deal with stress properly, dont have loads of sex together as friction can initiate an outbreak. Use tablets & cream at first sign of tingle. Use condoms, & lubricant. For support or info call helpline free 1800 459 459 office hours, but guaranteed good info. The virus does weaken with time & eventually you will not have any more outbreaks. Till then, u need to manage it yourself. Kind thoughts.