A termination I only became aware of the other day

old hippy

Some time ago I met someone & we spent a magical night together. For various reasons, we never met again but stayed in touch. Always had fond memories of each other. We were texting recently & she revealed that our night together resulted in her pregnancy which she terminated.

It was quite a shock & I'm not quite sure why she never told me at the time. I would have supported her decision; no matter what.

She said it would have been a disaster if she had gone ahead with it - and I can understand what she means. But I still feel weirded out by it & tbh, a bit sad.

I tried to ring her but she said she'd ring me the next day. It's only been a few days but I need to hear from her. Not to harangue her or cry down the phone. Just to know if she's ok, we're still friends and that I'm not angry with her.

Do I leave it to her to ring & wait it out or what?

Thanks for listening.

smelltheglove

She may be afraid of what you are going to say to her, she may not have intended on telling you. I think it would be best to call her and let her know that you understand and that you dont want it to come between you, that you would have supported her either way and that you are there for her if she needs to talk.

Micamaca

Isn't it sheer lousy that some people who don't want to get pregnant, often do and some people who do want to get pregnant, can't.

It drives me bonkers. All I can say is I feel for your friend having to go through that and for you finding out about it now. What an entirely stupid way for the human body to be designed. We should have a switch we can turn on when we're ready to have and want a baby.

Micamaca

Micamaca wrote: »

Isn't it sheer lousy that some people who don't want to get pregnant, often do and some people who do want to get pregnant, can't.

It drives me bonkers. All I can say is I feel for your friend having to go through that and for you finding out about it now. What an entirely stupid way for the human body to be designed. We should have a switch we can turn on when we're ready to have and want a baby.

Or we could just use contraception (yes I'm aware it fails sometimes, but the vast majority of unplanned pregnancies occur through no use or misuse of contraception). I agree with you that sometimes it all seems very unfair.
I personally think it's pretty low to terminate a man's baby without telling him and I wouldn't have a high opinion of someone who did so, but that's a personal opinion of mine.

I would be quite skeptical about taking this person on facevalue.
Why would she feel the need to tell you now, but not at the time?

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

That's a head wrecker to be sure. Just remember though that it was her decision to make. You say that you would have supported her but did she know that? Your OP makes it sound like you had One Night Stand with her and that was all, it would take a f*cking massive leap of faith to believe that a guy you had a ONS with is going to support you through what would be a horrible situation, whether she went ahead with an unwanted pregnancy or an abortion, either way it would be expecting ALOT of class and morals in someone you really just met, why should she have that much faith in you?

Also maybe she wanted a termination because she didn't want a baby regardless of what level of support you gave, that's her decision too. I think it's a f*cking disgrace that girls in this country have to go abroad to avail of what should be a standard medical procedure. Just remeber that more than likely she went through this scary procedure alone.

It is sad and I'm not trying to down play your feelings but at the end of the day in today's society alot of the time girls will be left holding the baby with her whole life in ruins while the guy can just f*ck off to wherever he likes. I understand though that this must have been a shock to you. If you find that it's playing on your mind maybe you should go and have a talk with a councellor to help you get your head around it?

Either way OP, just remember she did what she thought was best for herself and her life, that was her right, she didn't owe you anything.

If I were you I would give her some more time and then if she hasn't contacted you maybe ring her and tell her that you're not angry and that you would like to met up and have a proper talk about it. Just remember that she may be feeling delicate, then again she might be fine and just not want to talk about it. I would tend to follow her lead with this one.

Best of luck,
P.

old hippy

Thanks all, appreciate your replies. Yes, it was a one off. But, we made an impression on each other & remained in touch. As mates.

Obviously, it's her right to do what she did. It's not like we were involved. And we're far apart (geographically). I guess she had her reasons at the time & it would not have been on for me to dictate what she should or shouldn't have done.

I guess I'm confused why she told me in the end. I'll get over it, of course. It's just that I never thought about kids before.

And yes, this is precisely why contraception is so important