True love?

LegacyUser

Is there really such a thing as true love? I guess growing up i had this idea that you meet someone, fall madly in love and live happily ever after.ive been in a relationship wit this guy for a few years now and its alright. we fight and that but usually nothing major. sometimes i wonder if im really all that mad about him. i like him buts its not love as i thought it would be. we share common goals and hopes for the future. im 28 so not too old to go off and start again but all that hassle doesnt really appeal to me, plus i may end up with someone worse or even no one at all!! should i just hold onto what i have and accept things as they are??

im just worried that down the line i might realise im with the wrong person and it might be too late. are people here madly in love with their partners or do you accept them as they are, warts and all and jus get on with things.

thank you

LegacyUser

I'm like you OP & glad to hear that somebody else feels the same.

I cant imagine being without my partner but I dont feel that all consuming love that other people seem to. I have times when he really annoys me and we have the odd fight, but on the whole we get along really well & have some great times together. Other people say we're made for each other but I still dont think I feel the big "love" that we're led to believe everybody feels.

I dont feel that I'm settling for him, but from your post I get the impression that's what you're doing with your partner. If you really feel like that, then you should break up with him and find somebody else. It's a long life to share with somebody you're not completely happy with.

LegacyUser

Hi. I was in a 4 year relationship and felt the same way as you do now. That relationship eventually ended. I never felt that great all consuming love then, but I do in my current relationship. Nothing is ever going to be 100% brilliant all the time so maybe you're expecting perfection? I think thats part of a womans nature.

mobilecore

Op,
you are in a very tricky situation. The best thing to do is ask what you want .. what you truly want As said above if you feel you are settling with him. Its probably best to move on.

The reason why its tricky is that you could break up with him, then realise maybe you were more happy with him. But ... from your line "plus i may end up with someone worse or even no one at all!" - that sums it up there. You dont want to be alone and dont want to throw what you have for someone that could be worse. Sounds like you are in a relationship out of comfort or convience. If this is truly how you feel. Start fresh. Easier said than done I know, but look what might happen? ... You might meet someone you are very interested in. What if you're still with your current partner? ... cheat? ... break it off to start something new with someone else only then? thats not right to your current partner. You wouldnt like that been done to you.

Have a serious think about this. But you have to come down on one side. Ask yourself what you truly want.

LegacyUser

Hi Folks,

This is interesting... I believe in the true love the kind you don't find with everyone.

I went out with a guy for 9 yrs, and it was magical. We had fun. Loved everything about eachother. Laughed a lot, and didn't row too much. We traveled etc for years. Eventually isolating ourselves from our friends and family made us turn into one person. That made us miserable and aso confused about ourselves, or were we making eachother miserable! Long story short, we broke up

I met a few others, and it wasn't like that. I too was doing pros and cons lists. He ticks lots of boxes but not head over heels in love. Maybe that's how it's ment to be.

But I want to find head over heels in love again. And so am single and hope that one day I do. All I know is I wouldn' be happy to settle for anything less than I want. At least if I try, then I'll know.

After a few years the love fades a little into something less fuzzy. But there's still that feeling of loving the Person completely. And for me I just didn't see too many warts at all, so it was easy.


Good luck ladies. It's about what you're willing to settle for..

Contessa Raven

Hi OP,

I think you need to ask yourself these questions:

- If you were to break up would you miss him?
- When you look into the future do you see him in it with you?
- If he was to break up with you how devastated would you be?

The answers to the above may tell you how you truly feel about him and what you want from him.

In my relationship, I'm head over heels in love but that doesn't mean we all live happily ever after. Relationships need several factors to work and not all of them work all the time. My boyfriend drives me up the wall sometimes and we have had one or two bad rows over the years but we've always been able to work through it when we've calmed down and then we go back to being madly in love.

In my experience there are different phases to relationships. Stage One being when you first get together and everything is amazing and fresh and there are no fights.
This is the stage most peole get sucked into and expect everything to remain like this. Truth is, it very rarely stays that way. Relationships progress and develop all the time whether it be positively or negatively.

I think you should think about what you really want from your partner and ask yourself the questions above. It may help you determine where you see the relationship going.

Best of luck,

CR

daisybelle2008

confussed??? wrote: »

Is there really such a thing as true love? I guess growing up i had this idea that you meet someone, fall madly in love and live happily ever after.ive been in a relationship wit this guy for a few years now and its alright. we fight and that but usually nothing major. sometimes i wonder if im really all that mad about him. i like him buts its not love as i thought it would be. we share common goals and hopes for the future. im 28 so not too old to go off and start again but all that hassle doesnt really appeal to me, plus i may end up with someone worse or even no one at all!! should i just hold onto what i have and accept things as they are??

im just worried that down the line i might realise im with the wrong person and it might be too late. are people here madly in love with their partners or do you accept them as they are, warts and all and jus get on with things.

thank you

Ok I find it a little bit unusual that you think you would be starting again and it would be 'hassle' to be on your own. Your happiness does not depend on being with another person. You percieve settling as just being with someone because there may not be someone better out there and you want someone else to confirm if you should do that with your life. Beleive me you can be totally fulfilled and happy not being in a relationship. Your happiness does not depend on someone else. If you cannot be happy alone, you can never be happy. Find contentement through yourself, it is truly the best way.

Ickle Magoo

confussed??? wrote: »

...all that hassle doesnt really appeal to me, plus i may end up with someone worse or even no one at all!! should i just hold onto what i have and accept things as they are??

This bit leaped out at me. From the little info you give in your post you sound like you are in a comfortable but really pretty unsatisfying relationship but you are too scared to rock the boat in case you A)this is a good as relationships get or you never get anything else.

Not great reasons to maintain a relationship, it has to be said. Why don't you try to inject some excitement back into your relationship? Go back to wining & dining - tell your bf you want to mix things up a bit and see if you really are in love and just feeling a bit stale or you have fallen out of love/lust with him?

confussed??? wrote: »

...are people here madly in love with their partners or do you accept them as they are, warts and all and jus get on with things.

Well...both! I've lived with three guys and although I thought I was in love with them all, it was only when I met the guy I'm with now that I discovered what proper, deep, bells & whistles love was all about...but it's been 10yrs now and we do accept each other warts and all - you have to; no-one is perfect but the good massively outweighs the bad and we can talk about everything else and that's what makes it work.

Best of luck!