Head wrecked. Just can't seem to forget about her...

LegacyUser

Howdee,

So, I posted a thread here well over a month ago and I'll just summarise it in bullet points:

man meets woman
man decides to take it "week at a time" to be cautious
man starts to like woman, but won't count his chickens to be on the safe side
woman says she likes man, suggests going here and there for weekends
woman ends up getting transferred for job in very near future
woman just suddenly draws a line under everything

so, you get the jist, I feel there is "unfinished business", but I have to just leave it be. I haven't really been in contact since. It's like everything was going well, then *bang* , line drawn under it. I have been just telling myself today "stop thinking about this person. they are going to be in another country. they will move on, and will get married and have kids probably, and you won't be part of their life. stop thinking about them and move on"

But, I'll admit, it's very hard. I have good days, but recently, they just popped back into my head, and I can't shake them out.

Thing is, because we both have mutual friends, we will end up meeting again at some stage. It will happen, and I don't know how I will react. I could just not be there and make an excuse. There are 2 dates coming up this year where I know they will more than likely be there, and so will I...
The fact I feel it kind of ended suddenly, it's "unfinished business" and it nags at me that there wasn't a chance to see how it could have gone...

That's life I reckon, but as of now, I don't know how I'd react when I meet them. I think I'd still have the hots for her, and it would upset me if I saw her with someone when I meet. I could just avoid her, and not talk to her at all. That's the way I feel as of now. I know that this person did like me, as they told me, and one of their reasons for drawing a line under it was that they didn't want to get deeper into something, then have to leave...

Another part of me thinks: "well, if you were worth it, a line wouldn't have been drawn", so obviously I'm not worth it.....

I was very wary of getting involved with anyone after a previous relationship. It started ok, and I was "ok, let's just play it by ear and see how it goes" and now I've had nothing but almost 2 months of total headf**K. I don't want to go through it again. Chances are it will happen again, as it's happened a lot to me down the years. I'll meet someone again, and a month or two into it, there'll be some other twist to the tale, and it'll f*k up again, and I don't really want to have to deal with it. Damned if you do....

I also feel now if I hook up with someone else, it will just be for the sake of it, and not really who I want to be with, but I guess I just wasn't worth it...

I also feel that if we both hook up with different people, which is the logical thing that will happen, when we do meet up, because through the group of friends we have, it is going to be unavoidable, I really don't know what that is going to be like...

I just sat down and told myself again "stop thinking about this woman. get them out of your mind. they will not be a part of your life", but it's bloody difficult....

I don't think I fell in love with this person, because I don't know what love is, but this has seriously dented my outlook on things at the moment....

I guess I let my guard down....

LegacyUser

From your post, it sounds like you've had a sh*t run of luck and are starting to wonder if you'll always be alone. It's very tough to stay positive when you keep picking yourself up and getting knocked back for very little reason.
It's hard to keep the balance-you know you're a decent person but knock backs tend to erode your self esteem and cause you to start thinking things like 'you're not worth it', or it might cause you to think that a person is messing you around when they're actually not. I feel your pain because I've been there, and still go through it on the odd occasion

As your ex is moving abroad, you have only a few solutions to the problem-a long distance relationship, you moving over there, your ex staying here. These are all really diffcult options though, and the relationship would need a lot of work as a result. Ask yourself do you like her enough to try these options. Otherwise, get out and meet new people and forget abut her, there really is no point in pursuing this particular relationship if your heart isn't fully in it.

Good luck

LegacyUser

well, I would have been prepared to at least attempt it to see how things went. I am at a stage where I would chance anything, and if it didn't work, then fair enough.
But it's not me that needs convincing, which, unfortunately for me, means that's that.
The other person did tell me why they didn't want to continue, but I won't quote them here, as someone might know them. not developing stronger feelings was one of them...
I would love to know if her head is as wrecked as mine. Possibly, but it doesn't really matter does it....