Is it too late to make it right?

LegacyUser

I'm a 22 year old female and I've made so many mistakes in life that I sometimes wonder if I'm a truly bad person. Its mostly due to low self esteem and a bad relationship with alcohol. I get drunk, and I either embarrass myself or do something to make my friends angry. This past week is a prime example. One of the nights, I kept falling over in a club which was full of people I went to college with. Every one of them must think I'm a pathetic and unclassy mess, and they're not wrong. Did I learn from this mistake? No. The next night I got drunk again and ended up kissing a guy who was very nasty a year ago to a close friend of mine he had been seeing at the time. I don't know what I was thinking, I never thought I would put my loneliness and desire for a boyfriend ahead of my friendship. I feel so guilty, even though I have resolved this and apologised to my friend, who was fine with it, even though I didn't deserve forgiveness.

Basically, I am ashamed of myself, especially my drinking. I know everyone has a few incidents in college where they drink too much but I feel that I'm old enough that I should have known better. Now I'm stuck around my area, knowing that almost everyone I know here thinks that I'm a drunken mess and a total idiot. But deep down I hope that I'm better than that. I'm moving to a new city to start a new professional job next year. A lot of my college peers already work and live in the same city and I'm sure our paths will cross regularly.

My question is, do you think its too late for me to change? To turn over a new leaf. To try to stop drinking, since I never seem to manage to drink responsibly. Do you think I've made my reputation and I just need to live with it, or do you think its possible that I can give people, even those I know since college, a new and better opinion of me. Can I improve as a person or have I just got to live with the fact that I've ruined things for myself. I just feel like things can't ever improve now. Like I've ruined my reputation for good and have only myself to blame. Has anyone else been in this state about their life and come out of it the other side as a better person?

cafecolour

Yeah, of course. I was the exact same through the end of college. And while I def have relapses, I'm not the same as I used to be by any stretch of the imagination.

Most of the folks who are drunken messes in uni straighten themselves out to a good degree as they get older - still drinking, but learning to manage it better. It doesn't really age well otherwise. For that matter, a huge portion of folks think they were drunken messes in uni, you're certainly not the only one.

Just don't approach it by announcing to everyone what a drunken mess you've been and that you'll be doing better now. Don't say a thing really - just cut back on your drinking. If anyone comments on it, say that it's coming to the end of uni and it's time to buckle down.

S23

Of course you can change. The fact you are honest enough with yourself to admit that things need to change shows you're more than smart enough, mature enough and ready enough to make a change.

Some people just can't handle their drink. It seems you seem to fall into that category. At least you have acknowledged this. So you need to cut back on it and rein yourself in a bit. That doesn't preclude you having a good time by the way. You don't have to get pie eyed to have a good night out. You'll enjoy waking up the next morning a lot more too with a clear head and a clear conscience instead of of thinking 'oh fcuking hell what did I do last night'

You're 22, you've made a few mistakes in college, you have identified them and want to change your current habits. As long as you stick to this conviciton you'll be perfectly fine from here on out

tenchi-fan

You might be best avoiding drink to be honest. I made so many dumb mistakes.

If you have issues, drink helps you to forget then and just enjoy yourself. At some stage things turn nasty and your mind goes against you.. you do stupid things you think are fun or empowering and then wake up in the horrors when you start piecing things together!

If you go out with the work crowd be extra careful. There's nothing worse than a girl (or anyone) getting drunk, bitching about work colleagues, airing grievances with managers, knocking over pints... argh not worth thinking about.

Dionysus

tenchi-fan wrote: »

You might be best avoiding drink to be honest.

This. You can do it, and it's much better doing it now than in five or ten years time. All the best.

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks for the replies. Good to know that I'm not the only one that has made mistakes in their time. Worst thing is, whenever I've been out with work, etc. I have always been sensible. And I have great nights out where I'm sober, even if I'm the only sober one. And I always feel almost a little smug when I wake up next day, hangover and embarrassment free. So it makes me even more angry with myself that I can realise that being sober and sensible is better, then still act so foolishly at other times. I'm the first one to think badly if I see a girl being messy drunk and not acting with class. So I wish I could cop myself on and realise that when I'm out, not just in hindsight. I'm so foolish. I think I'm going to attempt to cut out drink altogether. As you say, better now when I can at least (hopefully) make a fresh start with my job and hope that college people forget my past, than later when I've done even more damage. Thanks again.