Serious issues

LegacyUser

Sorry this is so long but it's the way things are for me in the relationship

Hi I have been living with my partner and her child (not my child but she might as well be in my eyes) Since last october year. Things were great (I lived with her in her house) and we moved down to the same end of the country as where my mother lives. Girlfriend was living in a rough estate and the litte girl was starting to copy the other kids throwing stones at peoples houses etc. She asked about us moving and we couldn't find anywhere suitable and at reasonable rent in her area and then she discovered a house in the same town as my mother lives in and suggested we looked at. I agreed to look at it and we both viewed the house and fell in love with it. My mother lent us the deposit and first month and we paid her back bit by bit.

Any how just before last christmas out little girl fell sick (she had an unreal bad flu and cough). We went up to my mothers house for a visit that evening and my mother just said that we should keep her home from school the next day. I said ya and new by my girlfriend she was not pleased about this. The conversation then turned to the doctor out girl had seen that day who wouldn't give her anything for it.

My mother doesn't be very well at all and she does be regularly in with the doctors. The particular doctor that our girl had seen that day my mother said that she didn't think he was as good a doctor as she had thought previously due to various things on her behalf. My girlfriend sat there with a thick head on her when my mother said this and wouldn't talk to anyone after this so we left a few minutes after that.

She then turned this into a massive argument even rang my mother the next day and had a go at my mother about what she said about the doctor and that everyone was telling her how to raise her daughter even though no one told her how to raise her daughter or what to do.

We almost split up over this as I don't think my mother told her what to do and certaintly didn't tell her how to raise her daughter up. She went into my mothers about a week later at the most inconvienent time to my mother and just sat in the sitting room until my ma went into her to apologise for her behaviour. My brother approached her and told her not to speak to me the way she had been and to get out of his house(even though its not his. lives with mammy).I asked my mother about what he said and she said he was just trying to stand up for me. My bother and don't get on very well most of the time and he can act very aggrissive at times and no one can ever get an apology out of him no matter not he just wont apogisle for things he does and says. Just the way he has always been and probalble will never change. We fixed things up between us anyhow and got on with things.

In the new year my girlfriend completly stopped calling up to my mother during the day and doesn't call up to her at all anymore. My mother doesn't call down here as she says it's more convient for us to call up to her house as she minds children full time until six or seven in the evening every day. My mother has never been one to visit me in any house I have lived in since the day I started college. I have gone to visit her. That doesn't bother me that she doesn't visit me as I see her anyhow. But my girlfriend now says since the new year the since my mother doesn't come down to our house that she wont go up to my mothers even thought was never a problem until what my brother said to her.

She gives out to me that I tell my brother to apologise and if he doesn't I should take her side and not talk to him (or any of my family members either if they won't make him apologise). I cant make him apologise and she had known what he is like since I first met her.

My girlfriend shouts a lot and seems to thinks is good enought to call me a bastard, useless good for nothing and vulgar things like that. It ends up an argument when she call me somethings like that as I don't like it and why should I? She has often called our girl a bastard, a bitch and uses the term come her girl in a vulgar way and when I say it to her she just says that's the way I am. I have gotten my girlfriend to stop smacking our girl since I met her as she used to smack her for no good reason at times.

Today she attacked my family caus I went up to my mother on the way home from collecting our girl from school saying they are stuck up and that the treat her and her daught like an outsider. This is not true. They treat them with absolute respect at all times and never say anyting bad about either of them. She says I'l stand up for her after what my brother said.

I have threatened on so many occasions to leave her with the way she behaves towards me and her daughter at times. Like yesterday I was designing a shop on the computer that I will be fitting in a few weeks time. She went to visit her mother while I was doing this. When I finished I just sat down watch tv and browsed the internet for the rest of the day. Generally just relaxed for a change as I have been working 5 to 7 days a week since january. She then came home and had a go at me cause I didn' light the open fire. I said well I wasn't cold and didn't think there was a need to light it. She turned around and said that I was irresponsible (not for the first time either has she said this to me) and that I should have had it lit for her and her daughter when they got home. I had the heating on for at least an hour and a half before they came come so it's not like the house was cold.

Any how today was the icing on the cake and I turned around and said I'm moving out and have 90% of my tools from the shed in my van and have other stuff gathered up as well. I just don't know what to do! I do love her when she is in great form as shes so funny to be around and great in general but when shes like this I just cant stand it. It breaks my heart because I don't want to leave her and would miss the little girl who I have such a strong bond with. I talk to out little girl everday after she finishes school and before she goes to bed if I am working away for the week.

I don't know what to do. I don't know if we went to relationship concelling would help us sort things out or what. I just don't know.

Sorry this is so long but it's the way things are for me in the relationship. I feel so down right now as I type this

D-Generate

I got 99 problems but this ain't one. Probably because I think its best to walk away from someone who will have me in the dog house for at least one day a week or about 8 weeks a year or about 1.55 years a decade so on so forth.
You can't stay with someone where its peaks and troughs so frequently and where you hang around waiting for the next good moment. Its just not worth it in life. I feel sympathy for the kid alright but the kids gonna have a tough time regardless whether you are there or not. You are not going to be able to change who the mother is and maybe the mother will be nicer when you are out of the picture and the stress of her relationship has disappeared.

Cheap Thrills!

Your girlfriend sounds obnoxious, I'm sorry OP.

I think you are doing the right thing breaking up. Her behaviour is bordering on abusive. I feel sorry for the poor little girl as well.

How come you're the one leaving the house though, if I was you I'd turf her a$$ out, you said the house was bought with the help of your Mother...?