How to feel happy

LegacyUser

hi everybody, I just dont know where to begin on this one, so please bare with me, sorry its so long.

I spent a lot of my childhood being bullied and was abused by a family member as a young child, as a result I had very little confidence while growing up and had a lot of trust issues with people. As i got older I associated all of this with food and i was addicted to laxatives and exercising and as a result lost severe weight, which I eventually managed to control a little but i still have lapses even today. I hate eating in front of people and when i look in the mirror all i can see is someone who is fat and ugly and worthless.

I was seeing a guy for nearly 9 years,we are both 27 at the moment, and i did love him, but I broke up with him because our relationship wasnt going anywhere. I wanted him to move in with me, us to get married start a family, but in that time we were together he only had a job for about 6 months, the relationship wasnt going anywhere it was like being stuck in a rut. He didnt want to do anything and made no effort. This relationship also made me quite unhappy,however he is a lovely guy and I wish him well in life.

I started seeing a guy I work with just before Christmas gone, he is 7 years older than me, we have a lot in common and can talk about anything, and I thought I was really starting to fall for him. We work in an area where we deal with a lot of different people and before we started going out I noticed how he and the other guys at work leered at other women, Its isnt very nice to say the least. Anyway we went on our first holiday last month and right up in my face I can see him leering at other women, even a person who was working at the airport pointed this matter out to me, I was so embarrassed I felt like crying. It did very little for my self-confidence.

I have some great friends which is one good thing in my life, we were on a night out last weekend when a friend of mine was sending a text to a friend of hers from my phone, as she had no credit. The text in question was supposed to go to the fella she was seeing but she sent it to my boyfriend by mistake. I didnt realise this until after my boyfriend rang me goin mad with me, I didnt have a clue what was going on. It was just a simple mistake, I pointed this out, I also mentioned bout leering at other women and how a complete stranger pointed it out, he laughed and made a joke out of it. He will see me when it suits him, or ring me or text me when it suits him, before all this I told him I loved him but got no reply, yet again wonders for my self confidence.


Overall with everything in my life I am deeply unhappy at the moment. I am so unhappy at the moment that I have considered ending my life at times, but the thoughts of my family stop me from doing it, I dont know because I cant keep going on like this somethings going to have to give.
Im just at a loss as how to be happy, doesnt everbody just deserve to be happy
Thanks for reading this, im sorry for the length

Victor

guestmarch10 wrote: »

Anyway we went on our first holiday last month and right up in my face I can see him leering at other women, even a person who was working at the airport pointed this matter out to me, I was so embarrassed I felt like crying.

He needs to be let know that this isn't acceptable - not quite a verbal clip around the ear, but a quiet word to say it isn't on, especially (a) he is so obvious that he gets caught (b) when he's in a relationship. Its one thing being a lad, but he's no longer a lad, in age company or relationship status.

Sure he can admire, but he need not leer. As a girl I knew told her boyfriend "Its OK to window shop, but don't be taking out your wallet".

The text in question was supposed to go to the fella she was seeing but she sent it to my boyfriend by mistake.

This does sound implausible, so one can understand a reaction.

I also mentioned bout leering at other women and how a complete stranger pointed it out, he laughed and made a joke out of it.

Was this in the same conversation?

He will see me when it suits him, or ring me or text me when it suits him

Is this ongoing? Its one thing to manage work, family, life, relationships and other commitments, but that sounds petty.

Are you sure you want to be with him?

tenchi-fan

Hi
It sounds like these guys aren't up to scratch.
6 months work in 9 years? And didn't want to commit. That was a blessing in disguise for you.

This other guy... he is a good bit older than you. Don't assume the leering is accidental. He might be demonstrating to you than he *does* look at other girls, and its a psychological way of putting you in your place.
The main problem though is the way you feel about him. You don't trust him but it sounds like you're blaming yourself. I think you need to take a step back and ask whether you really need to be with this guy.

As for ending your own life, see a doctor, etc etc... but I can tell you it's normal for people to feel like that at least one stage in their life. It just means there's an underlying problem you haven't identified yet. Don't dwell on negative thoughts, instead think of the things you can work towards and the small things you can do to improve your life.

midlandsmissus

guestmarch10 wrote: »

hi everybody, I just dont know where to begin on this one, so please bare with me, sorry its so long.

I spent a lot of my childhood being bullied and was abused by a family member as a young child, as a result I had very little confidence while growing up and had a lot of trust issues with people. As i got older I associated all of this with food and i was addicted to laxatives and exercising and as a result lost severe weight, which I eventually managed to control a little but i still have lapses even today. I hate eating in front of people and when i look in the mirror all i can see is someone who is fat and ugly and worthless.

I was seeing a guy for nearly 9 years,we are both 27 at the moment, and i did love him, but I broke up with him because our relationship wasnt going anywhere. I wanted him to move in with me, us to get married start a family, but in that time we were together he only had a job for about 6 months, the relationship wasnt going anywhere it was like being stuck in a rut. He didnt want to do anything and made no effort. This relationship also made me quite unhappy,however he is a lovely guy and I wish him well in life.

I started seeing a guy I work with just before Christmas gone, he is 7 years older than me, we have a lot in common and can talk about anything, and I thought I was really starting to fall for him. We work in an area where we deal with a lot of different people and before we started going out I noticed how he and the other guys at work leered at other women, Its isnt very nice to say the least. Anyway we went on our first holiday last month and right up in my face I can see him leering at other women, even a person who was working at the airport pointed this matter out to me, I was so embarrassed I felt like crying. It did very little for my self-confidence.

I have some great friends which is one good thing in my life, we were on a night out last weekend when a friend of mine was sending a text to a friend of hers from my phone, as she had no credit. The text in question was supposed to go to the fella she was seeing but she sent it to my boyfriend by mistake. I didnt realise this until after my boyfriend rang me goin mad with me, I didnt have a clue what was going on. It was just a simple mistake, I pointed this out, I also mentioned bout leering at other women and how a complete stranger pointed it out, he laughed and made a joke out of it. He will see me when it suits him, or ring me or text me when it suits him, before all this I told him I loved him but got no reply, yet again wonders for my self confidence.


Overall with everything in my life I am deeply unhappy at the moment. I am so unhappy at the moment that I have considered ending my life at times, but the thoughts of my family stop me from doing it, I dont know because I cant keep going on like this somethings going to have to give.
Im just at a loss as how to be happy, doesnt everbody just deserve to be happy
Thanks for reading this, im sorry for the length

Hi hun,

Listen to me, I am the same age as you and I have been through some similiar things to you, dont ever think of ending your life, you won't always feel this bad, I can promise you that for a fact.

I was abused as a child and I know exactly how being abused affects your relationships with men. You will always go for some-one who treats like you like s*it because you don't think you deserve any better. I did, and it's a classic symptom of abused children. You need to deal with your own issues before you can have a healthy and loving relationship with a man.

This is possible to do, believe me Ive been in some really bad places, I've been suicidal, and now Im honestly fine, Im happy. It's there for you too! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

If you are ever at a moment where you feel so much despair you don't know what to do or who to talk to PLEASE PM me, I know what you've been through and I'm am always here to talk.

MM