Women won't look at me

LegacyUser

I'm not a great looking guy. I don't think I'm particularly ugly, just a bit different, and not attractive to girls. It's not just in my imagination, I've had years of encounters with women to judge by. Women don't look twice at me, unless they look oddly at me. No woman has ever gazed adoringly into my eyes. I have had a few girlfriends, but none were ever seriously interested in me. As I get older, I find women take even less notice of me, and my dates are dwindling to nothing. In fact the last date was a year ago, and the last girlfriend two and a half.

I am good company, and I get on well in women's company, as long as it is not a date situation. But women don't look at me in that way. I have tried internet dating, but when I post my picture, I get no replies at all. When I post no picture, I get a few interested messages and replies. UNTIL I send a picture, at which point contact always ceases.

I'm a really nice guy, and I am able to hold a woman's attention when I get to know her. But my looks are a barrier. No woman pays attention to me long enough to get to know me. I am lonely, and would love a girlfriend, just for an ordinary, relaxed relationship, no pressure, just dates, evenings in or out, anything simple. How do I get women to look beyond the exterior, and see the decent guy within?

LegacyUser

Hay bud.. Not much to offer by way of advise. It just struck me that perhaps you are better of without people that are so shallow. You know your strengths, and I think that one of these strength is that you know your weaknesses, and that's something that takes a good deal of honesty with oneself, if one is to be mature about it. So, you know you are a level headed, intelligent, and considerate bloke. Concentrate on these qualities. So, your no oil painting, fook it! Just don't sell yourself short. Do emphasise your strengths, be proud of them. No everyone is flicking through the catalogue of vanity. When most of the bs is said n done, level-headed, intelligent and considerate blokes win out.

beks101

To be honest I think you have an advantage over us ladies here really, as we generally tend to put less emphasis on the visuals overall than men do when it comes to attraction.

Obviously looks matter, no doubt about it, but personally speaking, I'm far more likely to be attracted to a guy who's in good shape and is well turned out - has made an effort with his clothes, etc - and is happy/capable/confident enough to chat away to anyone in any given room, than a guy who just so happens to be good looking. Attraction is not reserved to the Brad and Angelinas of the world!!

Play to your assets here. You're good company, so put yourself in the company of as many women as possible. If women aren't looking twice at you, it's because you're telling yourself you're an 'ugly duckling' (seriously, you're not giving yourself a chance here) and projecting this image of yourself onto the women you meet. Low self esteem is glaringly obvious to the opposite sex, it creeps into body language and your demeanour in general could be what's creating the barrier.

And don't allow a superficial medium for dating such as the internet to knock your confidence - seriously, you know better than that. Sure, it works for some, but it's a bit removed from reality in the sense that it gives people the power to 'click' someone out of their lives based on a bad photo, a poor choice of words, etc...some people go to town and get overly choosy because of this. Some others are just time wasters. Some meet someone else, get bored, get nervous...who knows why these women don't reply, and who's to say they wouldn't have been attracted to you if they met you in person.

tunguska

uglyduckling wrote: »

I'm not a great looking guy. I don't think I'm particularly ugly, just a bit different, and not attractive to girls. It's not just in my imagination, I've had years of encounters with women to judge by. Women don't look twice at me, unless they look oddly at me. No woman has ever gazed adoringly into my eyes. I have had a few girlfriends, but none were ever seriously interested in me. As I get older, I find women take even less notice of me, and my dates are dwindling to nothing. In fact the last date was a year ago, and the last girlfriend two and a half.

I am good company, and I get on well in women's company, as long as it is not a date situation. But women don't look at me in that way. I have tried internet dating, but when I post my picture, I get no replies at all. When I post no picture, I get a few interested messages and replies. UNTIL I send a picture, at which point contact always ceases.

I'm a really nice guy, and I am able to hold a woman's attention when I get to know her. But my looks are a barrier. No woman pays attention to me long enough to get to know me. I am lonely, and would love a girlfriend, just for an ordinary, relaxed relationship, no pressure, just dates, evenings in or out, anything simple. How do I get women to look beyond the exterior, and see the decent guy within?

Dude you are the way you are, so why waste time fretting over something you cant change? Looks are pretty much irrelevant anyway. I know guys who, by their own admission, wouldnt be the best looking but they dont care. Their confidence and esteem arent caught up in their physical appearance and as a result they dont think badly of themselves just becuase theyre not Brad pitt. Seriously these guys score all the time and its becuase they like themselves.
Stop worrying about your looks, you cant change them. Keep yourself fit and healthy. But most importantly of all do some work on yourself. Your self esteem is the problem here and nothing else.

peekyboo

I agree with beks101. My friends and I were discussing in the pub last night how much we love guys who are confident regardless of looks. A man who sees you and likes you and then comes straight over and starts speaking to you is hot! These shy retiring types, even if they're a ringer for Brad Pitt (or whoever), would lose out to a confident man

LegacyUser

I agree with the above, I think I am good looking, I often catch women looking at me, ive been told it by women also, and sometimes women express interest in me before they know meet me properly. But I never never pull. I have only ever had 2 girlfriends, and both were handed to me on a plate.
I have little confidence even though i am 'sound'. While im friendly and chatty, have great friends, some of whom are great looking women, i could never ever go up to a girl and just start chatting her up. I also lack the ability to keep a girl interested in me, as I am useless at small talk and flirting. I love deep conversations and having a genuine laugh with people but cant do that with people I dont know, man or woman. I simply lack confidence, while at the same time know that the only thing women love is confidence.

My point is, stop using your looks as an excuse , its not, you must start welcoming your personality, you say its not your imagination? Suppose you really really believed you were good looking and you were happy with your personality, do you think you would have a problem then? I dont think so, while you may look different , its still only in your head that that is the reason you cant pull.

I know one or 2 ugly mofos, and I would trade places with them any day with regards to attractiveness to the opposite sex.

Build your confidence and you will have no problems, even if you look like shrek.

Pete4779

uglyduckling wrote: »

I'm not a great looking guy. I don't think I'm particularly ugly, just a bit different, and not attractive to girls. It's not just in my imagination, I've had years of encounters with women to judge by. Women don't look twice at me, unless they look oddly at me. No woman has ever gazed adoringly into my eyes. I have had a few girlfriends, but none were ever seriously interested in me. As I get older, I find women take even less notice of me, and my dates are dwindling to nothing. In fact the last date was a year ago, and the last girlfriend two and a half.

I am good company, and I get on well in women's company, as long as it is not a date situation. But women don't look at me in that way. I have tried internet dating, but when I post my picture, I get no replies at all. When I post no picture, I get a few interested messages and replies. UNTIL I send a picture, at which point contact always ceases.

I'm a really nice guy, and I am able to hold a woman's attention when I get to know her. But my looks are a barrier. No woman pays attention to me long enough to get to know me. I am lonely, and would love a girlfriend, just for an ordinary, relaxed relationship, no pressure, just dates, evenings in or out, anything simple. How do I get women to look beyond the exterior, and see the decent guy within?

OK, you know full well the following: men don't listen to women. Women talk about all the emotional nonsense, read about it, discuss it, etc., . Men ignore this and women complain. What is important to remember is the reverse: women don't listen to men when they discuss factual things, information, solutions to problems, etc., . Men complain then that girlfriend/wife doesn't listen, doesn't solve x, y, z problem, etc., .

Bearing that in mind, men look at the fact that a girl is pretty, ignoring the head-wrecking emotional issues. Women look at the emotional issues - in this regard, it's not that a guy is handsome, etc., more to do with your presence, confidence, dress sense, physical condition. That is all things to do with how you present yourself, not the what - that you are not a pretty boy. Your "emotional state" of how consistent you are is much much more attractive to women then the "fact" state.

So when a handsome pretty boy type sees an ugly guy with a group of women that seem to love him, he doesn't understand: the women do not care for the FACT of WHAT he looks like, they are observing his FORM, and CONFIDENCE. The more emotional presence of someone is infinitely more important to women than the flat facial characteristics. Men on the other hand, will happily ignore the emotional stuff for good direct physical characteristics.

All IMHO of course, and no offence intended to anyone. I am willing to bet it's probably guys and not girls that have slagged off your looks. Has a girl ever called you ugly? Have any guys done that?

You are not being true to yourself either: being a "nice decent guy" is fine. 99% of people are nice and decent. That's great. But, you are ignoring the lack of self esteem, lack of confidence and insecurity about your looks. THAT is what is putting women off if anything I would think, and not your ACTUAL looks at all!

NOVICE-REFURB

buddy,

im 3.5 stone overweight, i had a lack of self esteem, but just got fed up one day and relised that i really could not be bothered how others see me, i changed my view on a few things and became happy, i just relaxed, and the weight lifted from my shoulders!

I am generally funny and like to have a laugh, i make a point of goin to events and meeting new people ( while the rest of my pals, smoke dope and play the xbox) - i go out !! even if its with someone i just met from a randon night out. - who cares, get out there !!!! the only thing stopping u is you !

do a few random things where you'll interact with others, preferably women ! and just ease up on yourself!

Happy Trails Buddy

entropi

All good advice here OP, try get yourself out there more, interaction is a big factor in how women respond to you...the shallow ones go for looks only, the better ones worth thinking about will see past the outside and its all good from there.

It takes a woman approximately 8.3 seconds to decide if she will sleep with a man, or indeed finds him attractive...so in those 8.3 seconds having a good sense of humour and good interpersonal skills like you hinted towards will come as a massive bonus:)

Lana80

Guys don't have to be good looking to be sexy or to have that something special about them.There are plenty of guys not considered attractive who get the girl.I have a friend who sees beyond the exterior and is drawn to guys with an innate confidence.Personally I am similar but for me I like men who are comfortable in themselves and personality speaks volumes.You seem like a really nice guy.Try and focus on what you like about your looks and to try and accept what you dont like as part of your beautiful uniqueness.and please dont call yourself ugly.cause noone is.
All the best