How to break up with a nice guy for no real reason?

wiki

ok well been dating a guy for few weeks, bout 4 dates! problem is he is an absolutely awful kisser and thats it, other than that he is a nice guy. so how do u dump someone ur technically not in a relationship with but dont wanna date again without being a cruel biatch??

ronano

why not just say it to him in a polite way? i know no one wants to hear it but do it and teach him?

wiki

also as well as the bad kissing there just isnt a spark

Jessiegirl

Could you just throw him the 'no chemistry line'... or rather tell him he's a lovely guy but you just don't think it's working out, you're not suited.

wiki

I have no idea how to bring it up, he thinks everything is going grand!

mood

wiki wrote: »

I have no idea how to bring it up, he thinks everything is going grand!

Just say 'I don't think this is working out etc'. You have only been on 4 dates!

Taltos

mood wrote: »

Just say 'I don't think this is working out etc'. You have only been on 4 dates!

+1
Be honest - but not hurtful.
tell him you enjoy his company, you really like him but just not in that way. You don't know why it is just the way it is.

Tip though - kissing can be improved on - maybe he is just taking his time, maybe he is holding back. But I get what you mean - a weak limp kiss is pretty much an instant mood killer (not the poster - the feeling).
Remember - it takes 2 to kiss - so how have you been guiding him?
Try kissing him passionately and see how he responds - it might reignite the spark - but otherwise just let him know it is time to call it a day.

wiki

Oh if only it was just a weak kiss! It feels like he is trying to swallow my head, way too much tongue and mouth way too wide! If i pull away he just comes closer!

wiki

I've had bad experiences in the past with dumping people, although some were fair funny!

gavney1

I agree with "I just don't think this is working out" but follow that with "I don't think we should see each other any more".

And no matter how tempting, definitely DON'T suggest being friends, cause this may give him false hope

Don't mention the kissing either, cause it sounds like that's not the only reason you don't like him, so you might end up giving him false hope also if he thinks that's the only thing wrong.

Be polite but be firm & clear that you've no interest.

BTW, I'm saying all this on the assumption that the kissing isn't the only reason you don't like him, that you just don't fancy him? If I'm wrong, then maybe the kissing just needs work!!!

Black Swan

Obviously it's more than kissing? Be polite and honest, and tell him that it's just not working for you.

Jumpy

wiki wrote: »

Oh if only it was just a weak kiss! It feels like he is trying to swallow my head, way too much tongue and mouth way too wide! If i pull away he just comes closer!

He isnt psychic. Tell him to calm it down a bit. People dont learn if they think they are doing it the right way.

wiki

Thanks for the advise everyone. Pretty much going to have to just say sorry just not feeling it. Hard topic to bring up though. We're supposed to be meeting monday for a movie.

LegacyUser

after 4 dates you shouldn't feel under any pressure.

Keep it breezy. (best advice ever)

Ring him up before the weekend (as in this evening) and say:

"Hey listen............(leave a pause of about 5 seconds so he gets prepared for the bad news - the topic is about to be brought up)
I'm not really feeling this, us, it and
I don't want you to feel that I'm stringing you along (so it sounds like you're doing him a favour by calling it early)........ ......
so I think we should just call it a day (pause a while........)
is that cool with you?" (so you give him a chance to be part of the decision)"

Usually, we build it up massively in our heads and it's a big relief when it's done. He'll get over it.

krudler

Just be polite and honest and explain theres no spark, the kissing thing is tricky, on the one hand he'll probably continue to do it the same way with the next person he meets and they may feel the same, on the other hand telling him hes a bad kisser may shatter his confidence. After 4 dates I doubt he's going to be utterly heartbroken (no offence but its not a long time relationship or anything) these things happen, you go out a few times, it doesnt work, you move on, its the perils of being single.

wiki

Would it be really wrong to do it over the phone though?

G86

wiki wrote: »

Would it be really wrong to do it over the phone though?

It depends how close you are really, I mean if you're not in contact much and it's just been four dates then I don't see the harm in just calling him, it's not like it's a relationship, is it?

As for the kissing, in my experience if there's no spark from the first kiss then it's just not going to happen, I had a similar situation before and it's not fair to string him along if you're just not that interested.

Cunsiderthis

wiki wrote: »

I've had bad experiences in the past with dumping people, although some were fair funny!

From your tone, I'd actually say he'll probably have a narrow escape. that you want to "dump" someone after 4 dates because they are not a good kisser seems a little superficial. Why did you agree to go on 4 dates, and are you seriously suggesting that if he was a better kisser you'd not "dump" him?

If you think you are not compatible, then tell him in as graceful way you can. But to consider you are going to "dump" him is awful.

wiki

Cunsiderthis wrote: »

From your tone, I'd actually say he'll probably have a narrow escape. that you want to "dump" someone after 4 dates because they are not a good kisser seems a little superficial. Why did you agree to go on 4 dates, and are you seriously suggesting that if he was a better kisser you'd not "dump" him?

If you think you are not compatible, then tell him in as graceful way you can. But to consider you are going to "dump" him is awful.

Would you stay with someone that practically takes in half your face when they kiss you?? Agreed to see him again cause he is a nice guy, nice to chat to and is really sweet! Not my fault if there isnt anything else to how i feel.

mobilecore

Wiki,
If you are dating someone and you are not really into them... just end it. For what ever reaon you are not into him - its all the same.

For example, If after 2 dates you know you just dont like someone/click then its best to end it after 2, rather than continue on and have about 6 or so dates. Its best not to lead someone on Its natural for hopes to go up a little as the more dates we have with someone. Thats why its important to just end things as soon as you know there is no spark.

If you wanna do it by phone - alot of people will say "its best to do it face to face" - thats just opinion. Thats the nice thing to do but whats more important is that he knows its over. That weighs more than how its done. You guys are not in a relationship thats its pretty straight forward.

If you havent already I suggest you do it today. Its a friday night, a few days before you are meant to meet up with him on monday. And more so if he gets a little ticked off by it he can go out with the guys tonight.

LegacyUser

Op is there more to you not liking the guy apart from the kissing factor? I feel like you are holding something back/ not mentioning something? When you say 4 dates do you mean you have only met up with him 4 times? Is there a lot of texting/ interaction in between dates?

wiki

somequesforu wrote: »

Op is there more to you not liking the guy apart from the kissing factor? I feel like you are holding something back/ not mentioning something? When you say 4 dates do you mean you have only met up with him 4 times? Is there a lot of texting/ interaction in between dates?

Not holding anything back. Have only met up 4 time, no txting inbetween accept to arrange dates. Been a year since last relationship so dont think i'll get into another until i know the guy is right. Think i'll end it tonight over the phone no point dragging it out anymore. It just sucks doing it to someone that is nice and hasnt done anything wrong

wiki

sunflower27 wrote: »

Not meaning to be funny, but I doubt very much he is going to be that bothered. You've had limited contact.

Nice people get dumped all the time. Seriously, he isnt going to need counselling over this

lol i know i just really hate doing this

Barracudaincork

A rule of thumb id use would be:
Dating over 4 weeks: Face to Face
Had sex: Face to Face
Was a friend prior to this: Face to Face

It was just a few dates that only ended in kissing with no chemistry, i think its fine to do it over the phone, but just tell him the truth and if he gets peeved off tough, you are only being honest, would he preferred it if you lied?

I also think a bad kisser with no chemistry is a good reason to finish this, if the chemistry was there id say talk to him about the kissing, but its not so dont feel bad.

wiki

Barracudaincork wrote: »

A rule of thumb id use would be:
Dating over 4 weeks: Face to Face
Had sex: Face to Face
Was a friend prior to this: Face to Face

It was just a few dates that only ended in kissing with no chemistry, i think its fine to do it over the phone, but just tell him the truth and if he gets peeved off tough, you are only being honest, would he preferred it if you lied?

I also think a bad kisser with no chemistry is a good reason to finish this, if the chemistry was there id say talk to him about the kissing, but its not so dont feel bad.

Thank you will defo do it tonight, no point keeping it going when i know for sure i dont want him

gavney1

hey op, yeah, i think there's nothing wrong with over the phone after 4 dates.

He'll probably be happier (as will you!) that you didn't do it face to face. Cause it's much less embarrassing to be dumped over th phone