cancelled internet dates

scarymoon1

im just wondering are the majority of men or women on online dating sites just on there to chat/flirt and dont have any intention of meeting up in reality? One guy i was due to meet cancelled last minute, gave no reason but said talk soon. Other guy was working late twice, i gave him the benefit of the douth and so have arranged to meet a third time!! Both guys seemed really keen to meet so I found it strange they cancelled/posponed. Online they seem really confident etc but maybe thats a front - in reality they chickened out and just wanted to chat online??? Granted i have met a couple of others so they are genuine ones on there but are the majority fakers?????

force majeure

scarymoon1 wrote: »

im just wondering are the majority of men or women on online dating sites just on there to chat/flirt and dont have any intention of meeting up in reality? One guy i was due to meet cancelled last minute, gave no reason but said talk soon. Other guy was working late twice, i gave him the benefit of the douth and so have arranged to meet a third time!! Both guys seemed really keen to meet so I found it strange they cancelled/posponed. Online they seem really confident etc but maybe thats a front - in reality they chickened out and just wanted to chat online??? Granted i have met a couple of others so they are genuine ones on there but are the majority fakers?????

You got it nailed on the head, from a guys point off view we can lack the bottle when it comes down to it. Granted I'v being called a wimp for dodging a phone call so that say it all...:o
... take no notice and deal with the ones that you do meet.
FM

LegacyUser

As a married guy who used to go on dating sites to flirt and talk with women I can say I nearly met up with loads of women but didn't, thankfully, for my marriage.

So lots of bad eggs and timewasters there. Don't give them the benefit of a doubt. If they are hesitant, forget it, life is too short.

Emme

Low moral fibre wrote: »

As a married guy who used to go on dating sites to flirt and talk with women I can say I nearly met up with loads of women but didn't, thankfully, for my marriage.

So lots of bad eggs and timewasters there. Don't give them the benefit of a doubt. If they are hesitant, forget it, life is too short.

How cynical of you! At least you stopped short of cheating but in a way you were still cheating by talking to those women online. I pity your wife. If I told you what I really thought of you I would be banned from these boards forever.

LegacyUser

Hey, I had a similar experience.

I was talking to a guy for 2-3weeks on a dating site, then emailing and texting. We arranged to meet up. He popped up in my suggested friends on facebook a few days before and on his profile it said "in a relationship with *insert name here*". He told me he was single 5months so I doubt he hadn't gotten round to changing it yet.

Long story short he cancelled meeting me 30 minutes beforehand and I haven't heard from him since. I'm guessing some attached guys like the chase, perhaps they like to know others are still interested?

LegacyUser

Emme wrote: »

How cynical of you! At least you stopped short of cheating but in a way you were still cheating by talking to those women online. I pity your wife. If I told you what I really thought of you I would be banned from these boards forever.

Leave him alone. Its rare to get a real honest to god response on Boards. People shouldnt be ridiculed for telling the truth.

Emme

ah_here wrote: »

Leave him alone. Its rare to get a real honest to god response on Boards. People shouldnt be ridiculed for telling the truth.

He wasn't telling the truth on the dating site, was he?

shellyboo

Emme wrote: »

He wasn't telling the truth on the dating site, was he?

No, but now he's telling the OP the truth to let her know about the cheaters and timewasters on dating sites. Which is, in fact, a nice thing to do. No need to lambast him, that's not what the thread is about.


OP, there are an awful lot of timewasters on dating sites, men and women. Lots of people are just on there to get attention, lots of people on there already have partners - in that way, it's very much like real life. Not everything on the menu is actually available! The trick is to find a strategy that weeds out the timewasters and cheaters.

My advice would be not to spend too long faffing about texting and chatting - if you feel a spark, go on a date within a couple of weeks, maximum. If he seems hesitant, move on. That sounds harsh, but you'll only end up wasting months waiting for people to make up their minds or gather the courage otherwise.

As for weeding out cheaters - get a phone number, their Facebook, ask where they live and get a picture. If they have a partner, they'll be iffy about giving you some if not all of this info.

It really is a process of elimination

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

scarymoon1

thanks for all replies... i find it strange how people can get an 'ego boost' online - ITS NOT EVEN REAL!!! Eg. the guy that cancelled on me - i met him on a dating site and we talked for about 2 weeks. He asked me to go to msn - i did and he asked me twice to put my pic up on my profile ( he had already seen it ). I put it up. I think he wanted to have another girl as a 'friend' and build up his network! All his friends were girls lol. He's just passing through Ireland anyways. I did say to him that i thought he just used me to build up his online network etc and i wished him the best with travelling etc. He never replied! I just logged into msn and he logged out now....WEIRD! IMO you get ego boosts etc in real life - not typing online - it doesnt make sense. But everyone to their own. I think il delete my account.

LegacyUser

Hi Op.

I posted a thread on boards bout a year ago, very similar to yours. After I posted it, funny enough, I ended up actually meeting some of the men from the site, in real life.

When I wrote my original post, ALOT of people told me that the internet wasn't real life..and that I should take it with a pinch of salt...that a huge amount of men online were liars (i.e. married or in a relationship) and would probably not follow through with a date (Im sure women are too...not trying to favour any sex here)

And I see posts on boards at the moment about fb and texting etc...and a lot of people reply saying that texting and fb and internet msn stuff isn't real life.

But my argument is...it is MY life.

I chose to try online dating. I chose to msn people. I sit on my laptop and 'chat' to people. Yes, I get that it isnt physical interaction with a real human.
BUT IT IS INTERACTION WITH ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. Its not a robot on the other laptop.
So I will never get when people say it isnt real and that perhaps im not suited to internet dating (in particular) because I should take it all with a pinch of salt..
Just my twohapence worth OP...

sporina

what site are you on? I think they vary a lot..

castle

Scary don't give up to yet, if it was that easy to meet someone then it would not be real,as the story goes you have to kiss many a frog before you find your prince and that is where the fun is and that is what makes it worth while, I suspect some of these guys you are chatting are either married or have girlfriends and are getting off on this, you need to weed these out before it goes to far, their are hints are you need to spot them, eg if you talking to someone in deep chat and they say that they have to go now just out of the blue then you can take it that their partner has just come home.
Are you not having any luck on the old fashion dating game, the local,through friend's etc . you come across as really nice so just stick in there my OH did and they got me,see how things can turn out good,
best of luck

scarymoon1 wrote: »

thanks for all replies... i find it strange how people can get an 'ego boost' online - ITS NOT EVEN REAL!!! Eg. the guy that cancelled on me - i met him on a dating site and we talked for about 2 weeks. He asked me to go to msn - i did and he asked me twice to put my pic up on my profile ( he had already seen it ). I put it up. I think he wanted to have another girl as a 'friend' and build up his network! All his friends were girls lol. He's just passing through Ireland anyways. I did say to him that i thought he just used me to build up his online network etc and i wished him the best with travelling etc. He never replied! I just logged into msn and he logged out now....WEIRD! IMO you get ego boosts etc in real life - not typing online - it doesnt make sense. But everyone to their own. I think il delete my account.

Red Hand

shellyboo wrote: »

My advice would be not to spend too long faffing about texting and chatting - if you feel a spark, go on a date within a couple of weeks, maximum. If he seems hesitant, move on. That sounds harsh, but you'll only end up wasting months waiting for people to make up their minds or gather the courage otherwise.

As for weeding out cheaters - get a phone number, their Facebook, ask where they live and get a picture. If they have a partner, they'll be iffy about giving you some if not all of this info.

It really is a process of elimination

Good advice...the internet is a thing that many people hide themselves behind (which is kind of natural I suppose), so if you ever want to actually date someone from such a site, make it now rather than later.

cafecolour

People are much flakier online - there's much less commitment because you've not actually met the person.

Having said that, I've met plenty of folks for dates off the internet. I've had much better luck when I used a pay subscription site than a free site though - i think the ones on the subscription site where more serious about finding someone.