No Contact - for how long?

Jessiegirl

Boyfriend broke up with me going on 3 months (have stopped counting the weeks, thank God lol). We met so he could get some belongings two weeks later, he contacted me next day, I replied. He contacted me 2 weeks after that and I ignored it.

I've mantained no contact since, couple of months now (bar one drunken 'blank' text, don't ask). He hasn't contacted me either.

What I'm wondering is how long do I keep this up? I know I'm not fully over him and I adored him and was heartbroken but I'm doing really well now, though I still have the odd delusion at times that he'll come back some day.

It's just we're 100 miles apart so I don't know if he's alive or dead iykwim, don't see him around or hear about him.
I know if he wanted to contact me he would, though I did ignore him before.

When I'm fully healed is it ok to contact someone, say 6 months down the line, to see if they are keeping ok, wish them Happy Birthday?? I'd just like to know at some stage in the future he's doing well. I get the feeling though he may not want me to contact him, it's like he's blanked me out of his life....so I'm prepared to keep up no contact for a long time to get over this, maybe he'll get in touch. It seems so wierd that's all.

SarahSassy

IMHO, if he has blanked you then why would you care if he is ok? I would consider it no contact forever or until you feel and truly feel nothing...

Its a habit you need to break and you will do. You have done well so far... TBH if he wanted you to know how he was then he would be on to you. Sorry for being harsh but you seem to be wavering or looking for excuses to contact him but there is no point. Friends dont blank each other - ex's do

Jessiegirl

No you are right Sarah. We broke up before and it wasn't like this, he was in touch, to see was I ok etc. and we got back together.
I guess he's treated me very badly and this is the ultimate insult, no contact, no interest in my well being, happy I'm out of his life. I feel like a piece of dog **** he scraped off his shoe, so I should leave him off.
No Birthday wishes in the summer so!!
Thanks again.

Taltos

Jessiegirl wrote: »

No Birthday wishes in the summer so!! .

Really hope that was a joke - cause when he does contact you - you do know that you need to ignore it - preferably don't read it. Otherwise you risk bouncing right back to square one.

If he treated you like dirt on his shoe - well under enough pressure it turns to diamonds - so feck him and just enjoy yourself.

Jessiegirl

I know Taltos, but I would like to think that 6-12 months from now if he happened to text me a 'how are you' I would be well over him and could reply politely....be civil, like any other person.
I wouldn't want to ignore it and let him think I had any strong feelings either way about him iykwim.

Taltos

Jessiegirl wrote: »

I know Taltos, but I would like to think that 6-12 months from now if he happened to text me a 'how are you' I would be well over him and could reply politely....be civil, like any other person.
I wouldn't want to ignore it and let him think I had any strong feelings either way about him iykwim.

I guess we are all different. Where I have been treated badly - I never want to hear from that person again, if I met her in the street I would say hello - but replying to a (self-serving) text - nope. Maybe I am not that big but I am not here to make them feel better about being gits.

For the amicable breakups well yes - we parted on good terms - relationship ran it course - we both always respected the other - absolutely.

Just not sure why in any world you would want to reply to a git who you yourself said treated you like dirt? I mean - life is too short to have people like that in your life, even wasting a breath or a heartbeat is more than they deserve. Your call though.

Jessiegirl

Because I wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction of thinking he bothered me, that I harboured any feelings at all for him be it anger or anything - that's if I felt like replying at the time of course.
It may never happen anyway.

Taltos

I just wouldn't care one way or another what my ex thought. Let them waste their credit texting me. I do see where you are coming from though. I just tend to be very black and white about things - some shades of grey but not many.

Jessiegirl

I'd like to rise about pettiness, think it's self healing. I can say to myself 'good for you' for being bigger than his ****.

Having said that if he texted tomorrow I wouldn't reply I would hope as I'm not over him fully yet. I don't think he will though

Taltos

OMG

MODS - I've just been called petty....

As I said - see where you are coming from. But once someone treats me like that - well - they fall into the bucket as the cold-callers on the phone or the guys calling to your door selling insurance, sky, energy who refuse to leave when you politely say no. Different strokes for different folk though.

Fair dues for being the bigger person.

Adios,
Monsieur Petty.

Jessiegirl

I meant general pettiness ...not you lol

Look, it will all depends on IF it happens and how I feel at the time.
I get a strong feeling he's done with me but I know the leopard.....
I won't waste credit on him...I'll webtext lol

pilph

Jessiegirl,

from experience I have to tell you this. I once broke up with someone who I was probably more into than they were into me. They kept coming back, making contact etc. I changed number, email address, they'd find a way back.

It all ended in tears (eventually). If you are hurt it's hard to accept but my experience is once a month of a gap passes it can be a bit of a turning point and as for how long it takes to get over hurt, I guess that is when you are ready to meet someone else.

Relationships are tough, if things break they break for a reason.

Jessiegirl

Yes I know that pippl. I just meant when is it ok, when you're over then an ex, 12 months down the line? When you are sending New Year messages for example? Or is it best to ignore forever especially if you haven't heard from them.
I've made no contact and not harassed him at all. I know it's over & not trying to get back in to his life. Some ignore forever, some don't.

Jessiegirl

True he's making no contact. If he never does I probably wouldn't feel like 'humiliating' myself for want of a better word enquiring after him.
I just hate when relationships break down and you lose touch with extended family, parents, pregnant members, never know what happened. It happens even after years and years together and shared children. That's life I guess.

Jessiegirl

It is tough sunflower.
I was with my main ex 11 years, one child and I never see or know little of his family. I see my ex all the time but it was my son that told me he had a new cousin - about a year later!!
Shouldn't be worrying about some man I dated for a year so should I?
Also who knows where we will be in 12 months. Not ready to date though, had enough!!

Miss Fluff

Jessiegirl wrote: »

When I'm fully healed is it ok to contact someone, say 6 months down the line, to see if they are keeping ok, wish them Happy Birthday?? I'd just like to know at some stage in the future he's doing well.

No it's not ok. The thing is, when you think you're "full healed" after someone has really really hurt you, contacting them again only reopens the wound. The only way of really truly getting over someone and getting on with your life is pretending they are dead. Seriously.

Jessiegirl

Thanks sunflower. I'm on dole so little money for treats but had 2 nights out this month which helped. Did some babysitting for 'fun money' Try to keep busy and it is a hell of a lot easier, though for some reason dreamt about him last night. Am haunted by the fecker !! lol

Didn't know Toni Colette wrote, I like her.

Jessiegirl

Funny that with her being Australian too.

Yeah I have a jacuzzi bath and it's a real treat with lots of bubble, luxury.

I'm just new to all this, never really 'dated' as such or went through break ups bar with my son's dad which was horrific so this is nothing in comparison. I just will never get how people treat people like they do.

Life goes on. I even contemplated a date when asked but he hasn't contacted me since last week.
Stick to my bubbles and other things I think lol

Jessiegirl

Thanks sunflower. It gets harder when you get older, am 40 now.

However, I've been reflecting a lot on how I am with men, rush in, jump in to bed, give 100% too soon...so perhaps I should adopt a different approach for different results. Meeting them is the problem but I'm in no rush this time around.

Jessiegirl

Thanks for all the advice Sunflower.
Best of luck to you too x