Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Mother in Law

  • 25-03-2010 1:22pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    What advice would anyone have dealing with very bitter mother in law.

    My father in law died 2.5 year ago very suddenly - shock to all of us. Mother in law hasn't got over the fact that he is not here which is understandable. She never went to bereavement conselling which she said she didn't need.

    When the FIL died, some of the relations stayed with her or she stayed with us as she couldn't face staying in the house alone. This went on until christmas and we all felt that it was time that she faced staying on her own which she did and still does. I have to add that before the FIL died, she was and still is a very difficult women to deal with to say the least.

    There are 2 sons one lives here and the other in Wales. The one that lives in Wales does nothing for her - she may get a phonecall from him once a month if she is lucky.

    I have noticed in the last couple of months as to how bitter she has become with us , the other son (which I can understand with him) and all the other relations. It is getting to the stage that no one wants to be around her as no matter what you do for her it is never enough. It upsets me greatly to say this and this is how I feel now If I never seen her again, I don't think it would bother me.

    I feel it needs to be said to her about her behaviour as she will end up with very little people and support around her when she actually needs it. I truly think it stems from the fact that peoples lives are continuing on as normal.

    Has anyone got advice on this or has anyone dealt with this before.

    Thanks


Comments

  • #2
    cafecolour
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,328 ✭✭✭cafecolour


    Has she gotten bereavement counseling? See if your husband can encourage her to do so.

    Also, she's probably lonely - see if there's local group of folks her age your husband can encourage her to get involved in.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    cafecolour wrote: »
    Has she gotten bereavement counseling? See if your husband can encourage her to do so.

    Also, she's probably lonely - see if there's local group of folks her age your husband can encourage her to get involved in.


    We have tried all of this - she does not want to do anything except sit around and I know this makes it worse.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP
    when you say she is bitter - how is she specifically? I.e. does she verbally snap at people, or just comment negatively about people, or avoid interaction with you & your/her family?
    I have experience of this behaviour with an older relative (not as a result of bereavement, but early retirement) - their behaviour boiled down to the fact that they thought everyone would be pandering to them and keeping them company constantly, not thinking that we all had families to raise, lives to lead etc etc. Our visits to them were met with bad bitter attitude etc until we finally said that we could not continue to make an effort with them while they behaved this way toward us, and that they were heading to a life of loneliness as no-one wanted to be around them while they were like this. It was harsh, and very difficult to say, but it was watershed moment (literally, for them - floodgates opened) - but at least then it all came out how they were feeling, and we could all make steps forward to positively change things..... You might just have to be cruel to be kind too...
    Good Luck


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    guest2603 wrote: »
    Hi OP
    when you say she is bitter - how is she specifically? I.e. does she verbally snap at people, or just comment negatively about people, or avoid interaction with you & your/her family?
    I have experience of this behaviour with an older relative (not as a result of bereavement, but early retirement) - their behaviour boiled down to the fact that they thought everyone would be pandering to them and keeping them company constantly, not thinking that we all had families to raise, lives to lead etc etc. Our visits to them were met with bad bitter attitude etc until we finally said that we could not continue to make an effort with them while they behaved this way toward us, and that they were heading to a life of loneliness as no-one wanted to be around them while they were like this. It was harsh, and very difficult to say, but it was watershed moment (literally, for them - floodgates opened) - but at least then it all came out how they were feeling, and we could all make steps forward to positively change things..... You might just have to be cruel to be kind too...
    Good Luck

    That exactly how she behaves always commenting negatively about what people don't do for her never what they do. I think she thought that she could move in with us and I know that if that happened our lives would be over.

    I do think it has to be said to her about her behaviour but she has been always been a difficult and awkward person.


Advertisement