Is he interested or just being polite?

cherrypie

I met a guy on an online dating site. We began emailing each other and this went on for at least a month. Initially the emails were daily, then every second day or so. I was becoming frustrated because he never asked me out. Imo, if a guy doesn’t man up and ask a girl out, he’s not that into her. Anyway, he never replied to my last email so I assumed he’d decided to do the disappearing act online daters sometimes do.

During the course of these emails I did ask him about his impression of online dating. He said he‘s not dating, or wasn’t dating any of women from that site, yet. He said he wasn’t such a big fan of blind dating but saw an advert for it and created the account but then he also said he was happy it was finally working for him, and keep mailing him back. This made me wonder if he just joined on the spur of the moment and isn’t serious about wanting to meet someone?

Anyway, a few days after my last email to him, the one that he didn’t reply to, I noticed he’d sent a friend request on FB. I accepted and assumed he just wanted to be online buddies or something now. I’ve never messaged him, liked any of his photos, started chat or anything like that but he has and I just reply. This confuses me also because if he wasn’t interested, why bother.

Thing is he asked me out last weekend and I said yes. I have no idea why it took him such a long time and I was actually shocked because I wasn’t expecting it. He made a point of asking me if I needed to take some time to decide or think about this.

The date itself went well. Lots of eye contact, laughs and all that good stuff. BUT he never touched me, not so much as a handshake or even an accidental touch? After that I was thinking again that I probably wouldn’t hear from him but he opened chat on FB Monday. He has my number but never uses it.

I just can't understand if this guy is interested or not. He doesn’t always initiate chat with me when we’re online, it’s usually every second or third day. He hasn’t mentioned a second date so I just don’t know. Is he not interested, shy, insecure, waiting for a green light for me, from a another planet. Oh actually, I don’t know if it’s relevant but he actually is from another country??? I'm so confused

girlwitcurls

its like that film...he's just not that into you!!

delete..delete...delete!!

Anti

He could just be nervous, or shy. Or just not sure what the "rules" are for the whole online dating website shenanigans. Why dont you "man up" and ask him on a date?

Dark Phoenix

maybe he is just shy - after all he was on an online dating site so maybe that was the reason - he may be more comfortable talking online than face to face or over the phone.
If it were me I have to admit that would put me off a bit I don't like having to drag someone out of their shell.

It does seem at this stage its a bit one sided though - he seems to initiate a lot of the contact so maybe he is wondering if your really interested? I think women can be guilty of wantingto be chased sometimes. Why not start a conversation on FB or better still - ring him - have a chat and arrange a second date and see how it goes?

thalia_13

oh that could be me....similar situation, i got the fb request and still havent accepted it, due to all the daft games the fella i met seems to play via text message. i think he may be annoyed with me now as i did not accept him straight away as a friend, and also i have refused to be a booty call twice...

if he texts and it seems genuine about meeting up again, do go. He may be shy, like the last poster said. I would say ask him out yourself, but I am not too sure that you want to, because if you were truly interested would you not text him, or initiate fb chat with him?

LegacyUser

OP that sounds identical to what happened to me.
Guy was slow to email, and ask me out etc. Same pattern as yours.
Went out, fab time, and he asked me out again. But like you, never bothered to text that often in between. He never really made concrete plans to see me again or if he did he cancelled. I just assumed he was not that interested. Then he texts one night saying if I'm out in town let him know! I took that as a booty call.
But like your fella he'd then do something weird like an email or text out of the blue.

I just think that when guys act like that they are putting you in their 'little black book' as a number for when they are horny, to be honest. They have no interest beyond that.

I just ignored my fella and he eventually got the message.

Hrududu

He initiates chats, you don't. He asked you out, you didn't ask him. He clicks 'like' on your Facebook stuff. You don't.

There's a good chance he's thinking the very same thing you are. That you just don't seem that interested. Why don't you ask him out?

cherrypie

Thanks for the replies guys! I guess the only one that knows for sure is him. I think I'm going to just ask him whether he's interested or not. If he is, great! If he's not, I won’t be wasting any more time.

BumbleB

good stuff ,cherry ,life isn't a dress rehearsal .