Friends

LegacyUser

Okay...well, i'll try make this short.

So I kinda lost a bit of contact with some of my friends when I was going out with my exboyfriend. Also, I was in college and they were doing the leaving cert, so this also didnt help. Now, I admit that is was completely stupid of me to choose a bf over my friends, but I just didnt see it at the time. And I really regret it now.
I was pretty upset about it all, and angry with myself, so decided I'd try fix it all, and started making a big effort to hang out with them. And it was great, after a while it was pretty much like normal.
The thing is, they always just hang out at my ex's apartment, and me and him broke up 2 weeks ago. It's not as if they are great friends with him, they only knew him through me, but they are friends with his room mates. Of course, seen as they are always, and i really mean always (one or two of them practically live there at this stage), it makes it almost impossible for me to see them. It was a pretty bad breakup, and I want to keep as much difference from my ex as possible.
And its not just that they always hang out there. Whenever they do go out, say at night to the pub, into town for the day, planning trips to concerts etc. they just seem to forget about me. So I'm never invited anywhere. I've only seen 1 of that group of friends since me and my ex broke up. And thats really only from bumping into her in college.

Last week I tried organising going to a gig with one of them. She said yes definitely and that she was gonna buy a ticket the next day. So I went ahead and bought my ticket. A few days later I brought it up and she told me that she couldnt afford to go. Yet, she can afford to go drinking every night, and since yesterday has planned going to a much more expensive event, and has asked everyone (but me) to go.
I know it may be that she hasnt asked me to go yet, or that she had planned this event beforehanf (although not possible, seen as it was only announced yesterday).
I just feel pretty hurt about it all. It's as if everyone has just forgotten me. I know I'm partly to blame for losing contact with them, but I thought we'd been on very good terms for quite a few months.
None of them contact me unless I contact them first. And I dont really think its a case of "find better friends". We really do get on when we're all together.
I feel like I put so much effort into hanging out with them and putting things back to how they were, and it all seemed right again, yet now it's as if they couldnt be bothered. It's really hard right now, its hard to get used to being single again, and despite getting out of a smothering relationship and being relieved about that, I just feel completely lonely. I do have one friend whos here for me, as she's not part of that group, but that just doesnt feel like enough.

LegacyUser

anyone at all?
any advice?

Kevster

Hi,

Your sadness and anger at what is happening is understandable. I mean, it's very sad when people seem to not care so much about us anymore. Perhaps they are feeling sad themselves that you devoted so much time to your boyfriend when you were with him (and this is their way of getting recenge...?). Whatever the case, you must take stock of what you've got in your life right now and use it to move forward.

I don't think you should bother trying to mend the relationship with your former friends, because i'd argue that even if it'd appear to be a resolution between you all, there'd still be animosity under the surface (animosity which would come out here and there in the future over the slightest of issues).

So, move forward and away from them. You still have a friend; you are still a confident young woman; etc... ...You have much to achieve yet in your life, but trying to mend broken relationships like this will just stall you.

Kevin

FionaC

Hi,

I have been there but in the position of your friends. I've had a few friends who have basically ditched myself and other friends while they got a boyfriend. You say it hurts what they are doing to you. Well i they were hurt when you abandoned them for a guy.

You never mentioned if you had apologised to them for what you did? If you haven't you need to recognise and tell them what you have done and apologise to them individually or as a group. Most people will forgive but it will take a while for them to treat you the same as before it happened but with time things will be back to normal.

If they want to hang around in your ex's there is little you can say or do about it. They have no loyalty to you anymore unfortunetly,

Hopefully you have learnt your lesson i've seen so many girls do this. There is nothing worse then breaking it off with a guy and having no friends to support you,

I hope that you can be back friends with them if not you will have to move on and look for other friends,

:rolleyes:

LegacyUser

Hey, thanks for the replies.

I did apologise to them, saying that i knew it was really stupid of me. This was a few months back, and everyone seemed okay with it saying that its an easy mistake to make.
I've also been in the position they are in, as some of them have done it in the past, one repeatedly has done it, yet everybody accepted her back with no problems.
And well, it's been all really good with us for at least 6 months. And now its as if they've just forgotten.

Kevster

Well, be aware that as life goes on, people become less willing to branch outside of their 'group'. So, whilst this situation might have been recoverable in the past when you were all younger, it might be different now. You've been out of their group for a while now and maybe it's just too long an absence for thenm to be okay with. Really, take stock of what you've got and move on. I think that by moving on you've actually got a better chance of gaining your old friends' respect and admiration.

My advice might not seem that great, perhaps because I have no friends and am a 'natural' loner.

Kevin