What's wrong with me?

LegacyUser

My self confidence has taken knock after knock but I've held my own up to now.

I was cheated on by all 3 boyfriends I've ever had. Some within a few months, others after many years.

I thought it was my weight so I lost 5 stone. Still no luck though.

I've a good job, my own home, car etc. I've loads of friends, I'm popular and I'm fun. I have a good social life, plenty of interests, I'm not too needy, nor am I cold.

I'm affectionate, I'm warm, I'm open and honest, I'm loyal and faithful but I'm not a doormat either.

I have no problem whatsoever attracting men (I'm a reasonably attractive girl) and when I get talking to them I'm easy to talk to, not shy, confident and witty. I'm a good conversationalist.

I hope all this doesn't come across as big headed because I amn't. I suffered badly with poor self esteem so I now try to focus on the good things about me.

I have my flaws too, don't we all.

But basically of all the men I've met (bar one), they have within a day, a week, a month or a few months, decided that they preferred their life without me in it.

I've been dating since I was 17. I've had one "boyfriend" of 5 months, one of 6 years and a few that I considered boyfriends but over the course of time they made it known they didn't want to be my boyfriend so it ended.

So what's wrong with me. Here I am, in my late 20s, everything going for me but I seem to repel men. I can pull/score etc, I just can never seem to get into a relationship.
And I'm the common factor so it MUST be me, right?

How do I change this because I'm sick of it. Sick of being the one who is good enough for a while but not for anything serious?

I've tried it lots of ways. I've been upfront quite early on. Which resulted in being told "I don't want a relationship". Twice I played it more laid back, waited a good few months to see where it was going. One guy it finished when he decided to emigrate after 6 months. I was upset and he said "why, sure it's not like we were going out together" and within a few weeks abroad he had an official girlfriend.
Another guy I waited 5 months before I asked him to come to a friends wedding and he freaked and said he didn't want to because that would mean we were a couple.

God, I just can't win! I play it easy going and I waste months. I ask too early and I scare them off.

It can't be just men in general can it? It has to be about me at this stage. There must be something about me that just means I amn't girlfriend material?

Apolloyon

I don't think it's you to be honest. I would however take a long look at the kind of men that you attract. Go back and have a long think about each relationship. Did they communicate openly with you throughout? Did a lot of important aspects of the relationship go unsaid?

I want to be perfectly clear. The things you've accomplished, getting a good job, own home and car. These are tremendously positive qualities and you should be proud of your own achievements.

Given what you've managed to do and your own personal qualities, any man would be lucky to have you. So the next time you meet someone, I would take your time to suss them out. If they're really interested and on the same wavelength as you, then hopefully things will work themselves out.

Don't be afraid to meet people in different surroundings and just take everything one day at a time. Soon those past relationships will remain in the past and you can move on with a new and happier phase in your life.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the response,

I guess that since my last long term relationship ended, I haven't known what I want really.

I basically started drinking and partying and initially I just wanted some fun.
I definitely didn't want a relationship having been badly hurt by the ex.

My first "non-relationship" started shortly after the split and lasted 6 months. He was the one who went abroad. We were basically going out together but without the "official" title.

After him there were a few flings. One I ended quite quickly as they guy had zero respect for me and I wouldn't tolerate it.
A few more showed promise but weren't really in the head space for a relationship and therefore it all fizzled out.
The last one was the one I adressed the issue with after a few weeks and he decided he didn't want to get serious.

I don't meet men through my job or my friends. Everyone is attached.
The only chance I get to meet men are when I am out drinking(I'm not a heavy drinker but I like a few drinks).
I honestly don't know where else to meet men. Ive tried internet dating and it was a disaster. I've a small child so most of my time is taken up with that and the couple of nights a week I have free I like to go out with my friends.

I've no issues meeting men or getting their interest, holding it seems to be the problem.
Maybe clubs and pubs aren't the best place to meet men, but in a small town there's not a lot of other options.

Jessiegirl

Perhaps if you've been dating and in a serious relationship from a young age you might be better taking a break completely and focus on yourself for a few months.

By that I mean time for serious reflection, like Apolloyon suggested, on each relationship and perhaps the kind of men you are attracted to. It's bothering you a lot so you owe yourself that at last. Perhaps you are going for 'similar' types. Sometimes I think we are attracted to the same thing over and over.

You also have a young child which you will have to include in any future relationships so make sure any future suitors are comfortable with that.
Why do you personally think your relationships don't stick? Be brutally honest with yourself and look at your own good and bad qualities.
How do you enter in to relationships? What are your expectations? What do you want? Do you tell potential boyfriends what you are looking for?
Maybe you need to be more clear or get more choosey iykwim.

You can do nothing about the past or those men, they won't change but you can change your destiny.