Family are against my pregnancy... any advice

Single1

Hi all,

Just a quick overview of my story, I met a guy a year and a half ago. We clicked right away. I got pregnant 3 months into the relationship and he was great. He was really supportive. My parents never liked him and so they were not happy about it. They flipped completely. I lost the baby at 3 months and this hit us both very hard. He also lost his job and we broke up. We got back together shortly after for a short time but we were both still trying to figure out what was happening. Through all of this we said we would be together but we both just needed space and time. Along with the loss of the baby my parents really really do not like him. Not for any particular reason at first the just decided that they did not like how he looked. Anyway at New Years we got back together and everything has been going great.

I recently found out that I am pregnant. While it was not planned, and we would prefer to be more prepared we have spoken about it and we are in general pleased with it. We both think that having a baby is one of life’s joys and should be a celebration. He wants me to move in with him again but we are holding off on that for a few month. The problem is that my parents have basically disowned me over this. They were very angry when we got back together and now they wont speak to me. They called me a slut and told me that I was the biggest disappointment ever. They told me that my life was over and how could I be so stupid to let this happen twice. (I really don’t know how this happened again as we were very careful but obviously not careful enough.

They really have pretty much disowned me. The big thing is that I am 26 and my boyfriend is 25 so we are old enough to be responsible. I do not know what to do so that they will accept me again. I cannot enjoy being pregnant because of their negative attitude towards it. Does anyone have any advice to offer. Anyone been in a similar situation???

Lux23

I think both of you are old enough to find your own way in life and if this pregnany makes you both happy then I think you just have to go with it. Your family will most likelly especially if they see you and your OH getting on responsibly with your pregnancy. Is there a reason why your family don't like him?

Miss Fluff

How come your family dislike your OH so much?

seamus

For a start, you need to remember that your parents and your family want what's best for you and will be disappointed when you make decision that are less than ideal.

Most families will mostly let their kids "off the leash" at it were when they leave college, but at the same time your parents will never stop being your parents and will always want what they think is best for you, even when you're 50 and have your own family.

I'm telling you this so you can see the issue from their side. In all cases, they would ideally want you to fall pregnant when you're in a solid relationship, perhaps married, with a man who has proven his love and devotion to you and when you're financially secure as a family to get through.

In both of your pregnancy cases it's happened unexpectedly within the first three months of a relationship. Once is bad luck, twice appears careless. So your parents are disappointed. They will come around eventually, but you need to understand their point of view.

As another poster said, it would be worth addressing why your parents don't like the guy. Is it because you got pregnant? Or is there something else?

And who ended the relationship the first time? If he ended it, then it may appear like he abandoned the woman who had lost his child - it makes him look like he has no backbone or decorum - and your parents are not going to like him. His will be a long and arduous trip into their good books.

Give your parents some time to adjust. They had grand plans for you in their heads which you've now scuppered by being your own person. I wouldn't clash with them over this, but be very assertive in pointing out to them that you're an adult now, the mistakes are yours to make, but you still need the support of an unconditionally loving family.

Single1

Well They didn't like him when we first got together because of the way he dresses and stuff. He never did anything bad for them to dislike him. When I first told them we were going out they made jokes about him saying that he was scruffy looking. Then when he broke up with me they really hated him. We were both going through a rough time and he has made up for it since. He did start to drink a bit when we broke up but he stopped all of that. He is unemployed at the moment also. He looks for work everyday but we live in a small town and there are no jobs going at all.
While I understand their concerns I do not think that they ever really gave him a chance. I get on great with his family. They are lovely people.
I do understand that they are concerned but I think pretty much disowning me is going a little far. Am I being unreasonable?

Inari

Would you be able to sit your parents down for a mediated discussion? Where you can both have your say? I don't know how far along the disowning is

Look, if it were me, I'd sit them down and make them hear my side of the story and tell them that this is my life, and if they want to be a part of it they have to accept that ultimately decisions are mine to make, and if they can't accept that, then they have no place in my life. Effectively reversing the disowning. What that does is drive home the severity of the situation, and that they'd have no access to their grandchildren etc. That is only my position on the matter, and is posted only to provide some perspective.

I think talking is the only way forward.

Barracudaincork

Single1 wrote: »

The problem is that my parents have basically disowned me over this. They were very angry when we got back together and now they wont speak to me. They called me a slut and told me that I was the biggest disappointment ever.

First up, im sorry for your loss last year and im delighted to hear you are happily pregnant again.

Next up, stuff your parents, you are an adult and you dont need their approval or acceptance, it would be nice to have it, but you dont need it.

Next next up, the next time they say its the biggest disappointment ever, turn around and tell them, its not a patch on the disappointment you feel towards people who call themselves your parents and who will be grandparents!

Next next next up, enjoy your happiness and the life growing inside you and the life you have with your partner, you deserve it and dont let your parents take that away!