Ex with Some one New...

road_high

Broke up with my ex just 8 weeks ago. He ended as it he said his feelings had changed and that he felt it was over. I had broken up with him on a number of occasions before. He had a lot of issues around trusting me and that. He was quite controlling and manipulative in ways.
Always telling me how much he loved me and how was his world...apparently. When I would say I loved him it would usually be questioned with some kind of "yea right" flippant (but veryu hurtful) comment.

Anyhow, I did all the stupid things one does like text him daily, begging him to give it another chance etc. He said at the start he needed "time and space" to think. He really gave me hope or chance.
So just to distract myself I met a few new people for a drink/chat. I told him I had and he flipped. Called me several hurtful things. Even though he suggested I do just that.

Anyhow, last contact I had was the weekend. Again, like a fool begging for a chance. The I asked him had he met anybody. Said He had and that he was seeing somebody. I am so hurt as it is so soon after break up.

I know I just need to forget him. there was so much wrong with the relationship on so many levels. But I guess i was willing to forget all the negatives and think of the good stuff. He used drink quite a bit and would come home late at night, crying and balling that I would leave him. It was extremely stressful and ultimately caused me to drift away from him. I never went out with him because I did not like a few of his best friends.

Nevyn

Delete his phone number and defriend him of what ever websites you use.
You pestered him until he told you he was seeing someone else.
You have to respect him and leave him alone.
Also clear away thing which remind you of him and find a project to work on.

Danniboo

mfitzy wrote: »

Broke up with my ex just 8 weeks ago. He ended as it he said his feelings had changed and that he felt it was over. I had broken up with him on a number of occasions before. He had a lot of issues around trusting me and that. He was quite controlling and manipulative in ways.
Always telling me how much he loved me and how was his world...apparently. When I would say I loved him it would usually be questioned with some kind of "yea right" flippant (but veryu hurtful) comment.

Anyhow, I did all the stupid things one does like text him daily, begging him to give it another chance etc. He said at the start he needed "time and space" to think. He really gave me hope or chance.
So just to distract myself I met a few new people for a drink/chat. I told him I had and he flipped. Called me several hurtful things. Even though he suggested I do just that.

Anyhow, last contact I had was the weekend. Again, like a fool begging for a chance. The I asked him had he met anybody. Said He had and that he was seeing somebody. I am so hurt as it is so soon after break up.

I know I just need to forget him. there was so much wrong with the relationship on so many levels. But I guess i was willing to forget all the negatives and think of the good stuff. He used drink quite a bit and would come home late at night, crying and balling that I would leave him. It was extremely stressful and ultimately caused me to drift away from him. I never went out with him because I did not like a few of his best friends.

I'm sorry hon but texting daily and begging someone to get back with you is not what "one" does that's the very last thing you should do. You kept texting him and begging him to get back and then when he said he needed space you went out and start meeting other "people" which I presumed are men and then he flipped at you for this maybe because he genuinely did want to give things a shot and maybe needed time to think, all the while you're off meeting others, you messed with his head a bit and from the crying and balling I think he was already very insecure. You are giving out because he has met someone yet it was okay for you to go out and meet people :rolleyes:. You need to move on it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, how long where ye together.

road_high

I know, but it was like an addiction or something. We were together around year and 4 months. I know, i did all the silly things like hassle him. But then again he was clearly meeting new people too; I was called some choice words for what I did (i.e. Slut). I just wanted to be honest with him, I didn't intend to rub it in his face or try hurt him. Which is what happened.


Just to mention this was a gay relationship. So there tends to be a bit more bitchiness and "who said what about whom" going on in the background which unfortunately he seemed to feed into. Siad if i ever did anyhting he would find out. And that was the case as I headed for a night to Dublin once and he found out. I just needed a night away and time alone and didn't see see the need at the time to tell him. I'm a private enough kinda person and didn't want to think I was going to hook up with other people. But needless to say he thought that when he found out. Like there were spies all around on me!

Danniboo

mfitzy wrote: »

I know, but it was like an addiction or something. We were together around year and 4 months. I know, i did all the silly things like hassle him. But then again he was clearly meeting new people too; I was called some choice words for what I did (i.e. Slut). I just wanted to be honest with him, I didn't intend to rub it in his face or try hurt him. Which is what happened.

But why beg him to get back tell him you'll give him space to think and then see other people, you split up 2 months ago, its hard but I don't think that's "too soon". Erase all his numbers, facebook etc and go and busy yourself with friends etc, you'll be amazed how after a few weeks it gets easier and easier and you think about them a little less every day.

road_high

Danniboo wrote: »

But why beg him to get back tell him you'll give him space to think and then see other people, you split up 2 months ago, its hard but I don't think that's "too soon". Erase all his numbers, facebook etc and go and busy yourself with friends etc, you'll be amazed how after a few weeks it gets easier and easier and you think about them a little less every day.

Thanks, I know. I let it take over my life. It's mad because I was not that happy with him. Not really I don't think. I had a good bit of stuff to sort with my family (i.e. they did not know about me, do now) so I could not give it my all. Do realise though I may be using that as an excuse perhaps. My reckoning is that things would be far different with me being more out and open. Perhaps that was me looking with rose tinted glasses. He says he got burned out waiting foe me to feel the same way he did.
I took on almost all the blame for us breaking up.

Danniboo

Sorry I replied before I'd seen you'd edited your post. Try and focus on the positive if you didn't have this relationship would you still not have came out to your parents. At least you can live your life now as who you really are and maybe the next relationship will be happier as a result. I wish you the best of luck OP xxxxxx:)

road_high

Danniboo wrote: »

Sorry I replied before I'd seen you'd edited your post. Try and focus on the positive if you didn't have this relationship would you still not have came out to your parents. At least you can live your life now as who you really are and maybe the next relationship will be happier as a result. I wish you the best of luck OP xxxxxx:)

Thanks very much. Yea, it is a huge positive and they have been so supportive.
Thing is I do/did really love and care for the ex at the heel of the hunt and did think if he had given it another go it would be far better. 'Cos I was having a relationship while living a double life to my family and that was just so damaging. I kept the ex at arms length as a result and to be fair to him I can see why he got tired. it was very damaging to both parties self worth really. So unfortunately there was just nothing else I could or can do at this stage other than move on. Guess I am just angry over the mixed messages I got...just to go from being someones world to meaning nothing is very hard to stomach.

Danniboo

mfitzy wrote: »

Thanks very much. Yea, it is a huge positive and they have been so supportive.
Thing is I do/did really love and care for the ex at the heel of the hunt and did think if he had given it another go it would be far better. 'Cos I was having a relationship while living a double life to my family and that was just so damaging. I kept the ex at arms length as a result and to be fair to him I can see why he got tired. it was very damaging to both parties self worth really. So unfortunately there was just nothing else I could or can do at this stage other than move on. Guess I am just angry over the mixed messages I got...just to go from being someones world to meaning nothing is very hard to stomach.

It's pretty hard alright but I can safely say we've all been there I don't think you go from been everything to meaning nothing to someone I think it's a defence mechanism because their hurting.

road_high

Danniboo wrote: »

It's pretty hard alright but I can safely say we've all been there I don't think you go from been everything to meaning nothing to someone I think it's a defence mechanism because their hurting.

I think you are right. Ah well, it's a classic case of "shoulda coulda woulda"!
I wanted to work at it, he felt he couldn't trust me not to leave him down the line (bit of a an age gap between us, 14 years).