Abandoned and Alone - I just don't know what to do

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm hoping that maybe I can get some help to deal with a couple of things. I've tried to go it alone but I just can't.

Recently, a three year relationship I was in ended completely out of the blue about a month ago. Initially I was devastated...and I still am.

This girl was my best friend in the whole world. I'd always text her, call her, meet up with her whenever I had big news... and now there's nobody on the other end of the phone. I often have to turn off my phone and put it out of my way for a day or two just so I wont text her. The saddest thing is that when I turn back on my phone I wish there was a text from her... Anytime my phone goes off there's a split second of hope that its her.

I know she doesnt feel the same as me anymore so deep down I know it wont be her...

This break-up has put the rest of my life into perspective. She was my best friend and I spent a lot of time with her. When we got together, a lot of my friends were drifting away from me for various reasons (work, college, moving etc...) SO now it's basically just me 95% of the time. I just go through the motions of going to work, coming home etc... always having thoughts of how great my life was a few months ago.

There is no real opportunity to rekindle friendships...or to make any for that matter. I'm just not in a good place and I don't have the energy to put on a big smile and act as if the world is ay-okay when really I'm dying inside.

I have dreams about us getting back together or just dreams of when we are together hanging out etc... and I feel awful when I wake up because after a few seconds I realize it was just a dream.

I'd do anything to have all those times we watched movies together, hung out, texted, squabbled, made up, went on trips etc... back.

I know it's not coming back...but I'd do anything..

Can anybody offer me some advice?

Thanks,
J.

Ickle Magoo

The hurt of a break-up and unrequited love will only be healed in time.

In the meantime if you really want to get over it and not be abandoned or alone then you have to make the effort to get out, meet new people and get on with your life. I know it's really tempting to curl up, feel sorry for yourself and relive the good times ad infinitum but you can only do that for so long before you drive yourself crazy. It's much healthier to accept the relationship is over, mourn it and then pick yourself up and get on with living.

Best of luck.

wicklori

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. This time last year I finally broke up with my boyfriend of 9 years. It was the end of a long sorry saga.

However I can relate completely to what you are saying-I bet your fingers itch to text her.... Heart leaps every time the phone makes the slightest noise... Every time you see a car parked near your house you wonder if it's her-come to her senses....

I know! I've been there. You think right now that things will never ever be the same-and they kinda won't... Things will always be different. Different doesn't mean worse though. For now just get from one day to the next. In a little while you'll be able to get through two days at a time, and eventually it will be easier.

Find a project! I threw my heart and soul into organising a hen night, and it really, really helped. Something that will keep you really busy. Make some new routines, weekends are hard so fill them up-don't sit around watching the hours go by on the clock.

Don't spend any time thinking about the future right now, just get from one day to the next, and let the future look after itself.

Best of luck, I know it's hard but I promise-it does get easier....

cynder

In years to come you will look back and laugh and thank god that you split.

Its not the end of the world being single, insted of wallowing in self pity, chin up and explore a little. Forget about this lass and focus on yourself. Get a hobby, do things that you enjoy. Go on a lads holiday. Im not telling you go get another girlfriend, im telling you to enjoy being single while you can.

Agent J

Ouch.

Gotta say that sounds a little too familar.

Couple of things which helped me so take from them what you will

1) Delete her number, email etc. Block her on all social sites, chat programs etc.
Assuming there is no outstanding issues that need to be resolved( And they have to be serious). You need to cut contact for an indefinate period of time. It might be possible for a friendship in the future but for now a hard cut is the best way.

2) Keep moving.

I cannot stress this enough. Whatever interests you have or had in the past. Time to get back to them. Find something new to do and get out and about as much as possible. You might feel like dying inside but there will be a few moments when you find you arent thinking about her. Then over time... that will last longer until it becomes almost all the time. If you stay at home and alone then there is only one thing on your mind and it will drive you crazy.

3) Decision time

This is when you find out what you are really made of. You can make the choice to learn from this heart wrenching experience and improve yourself. Or you can collapse in a heap. I know it hurts, i know the last thing you want to do is see other people but if you make the choice to try and make things better for yourself it will make you feel better. Those fond memories you keep thinking of, they can be in the future too, they can happen again but in a different way with someone else. That can only happen though if you focus on yourself and yourown happyness.

Personally, i threw myself into a fitness, weightloss routine which worked pretty well for me. The endorphin kick was nice to fight back that dying feeling and the whole thing gave me something to focus on.

Good luck.

jenny4385

Hey there OP if you want to pm me i know what ur going there.. just hang on in there... getting back together if it wasnt working for one of you isnt the answer trust me.. i ve wasted over a year now