Conflicted and looking for some advice

LegacyUser

Hi boardsies, I posted here a few months back after a breakup following a 3 month relationship. Basically I was a mess but reading through the threads here helped an awful lot, amazing how much people are willing to help, all you have to do is ask.

After the breakup I decided not to keep in touch with the ex, she was in a bad place suffering from depression and work related stress amongst other issues. On one hand I felt bad for not keeping in touch with her as part of me felt it would be the mature, bigger thing to do but on the other hand it meant not having to deal with the Carrie Bradshaw complex, self pity, self analysis, drama and toxicity.

Anyway she recently contacted me via text, a short simple message wishing me well. I was surprised to hear from her and for the last few days those conflicted feelings I mentioned above have returned. So I guess what I'm asking has anyone gotten back in touch with an ex that could be very warm, funny and great to talk to but also completely head wrecking when in the grip of one of their moods?

MsHolloway

Hi Conflicted

First off don't feel bad about not keeping in touch with the ex, it is honestly the easier... well less painful way... to get over a break up! Keeping in touch with an ex only causes problems, you need space to get over the relationship..

..which leads me onto my next question. Are you over her? Do you think she is over you? If you just want to be friends with the ex then you have to make sure both parties are over the relationship for a friendship to form.

If you think this is the start of her maybe rekindling something, how do you feel about that?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply MsHolloway. I've been out of touch with her for about 3 months which is why I was surprised to hear from her. On her side I'd say she only wants friendship and isn't interested in rekindling anything, I wouldn't be either as part of the reason we broke up was she wasn't ready for a relationship. She broke my heart and knows it so I think she wants to know I'm ok, which I am thankfully.

However of all the things that were said when we were together, she described herself as a snob. It's the one thing that stands out and does explain a lot of her behavior/depression and is the main reason I'm reluctant to be her friend, as well as what Wibbs has said in this forum regarding friendships with significant exes - it's a downgrade from what we had before and I don't do downgrades. I'm amazed I never spotted the snobbery aspect until she mentioned it, I can't stand snobbery in any form - do people genuinely think they're a better person than anyone else because they're good at their job and have a good income from it or am I completely naive?

As to whether I'm over her, I don't think I truly am. That said I can feel my confidence returning and have begun to notice other women and noticed them noticing me too! It feels good and I know it won't be long before I'm fully back on my feet and will take the lessons learned with me.

MsHolloway

Well conflicted,
you pretty much answered your own question there.

You can see for yourself the negatives attributes our ex has (do you really want to be friends with someone who you think is a snob? I wouldn't, thats for sure)

you don't do downgrades

and you're not over her

All signs point to not getting back in contact/ forming a friendship

You're moving on now, conflicted, which is brilliant. Don't do anything you feel that would disrupt that. Don't go backwards.