How to stop being jealous

ladyduff

Does anybody have any methods they use to stop feeling insecure or jealous in their relationship? Lately I find myself getting upset or starting to nag my boyf over other girls, even if he's done nothing wrong. I can't help feeling that one of these days he's going to cheat on me. We're together 7 years an as far as I no, he never has. Trouble is the job he's in involves a lot of pub an nightclub work an the older I get and less attractive I feel, the more I think he'll give into temptation. He is v good an kind to me- an I've never really been jealous before, it's been creeping in over time as the relationship gets more serious. I feel my issues will drive him away as they don't seem rational an I feel a bit like a manic wife!

Go-Go-Gadget

Well you need to understand your feelings come accross and ARE a lack of trust in him. Theres no need to be jealous of other girls if you trust your boyfriend which is... recommended in a serious relationship If you cant bring yourself to trust him that much maybe you should think about why that is.

Squinny

I know exactly how you feel.
My partner is in a job that requires him to do a lot of late nights in the office, as well as after work drinks and dinners. Not to mention the business trips to the States and the UK.
At the start, i was very wary. All the girls that i met from my partners office were so young, smart, attractive. I could feel doubts about him creep into my mind but then i realised... if he wanted to leave me, he would have. I trust him. I know that no matter how many hours he spends with those people, and how many work functions there are, they are just that...work functions. He has to be there, if he had a choice, i know he would choose to be at home with me over that any day.
I think you just need to remind yourself of that now and again. I know its hard to remember that some times when they come in at 2am, totally hammered after being in the pub with clients from 5pm! but its true.

Inari

How do you stop jealousy? Trust. If you trust him, then there's no need to be jealous. You won't like it any more, but you'll feel more secure. Common excuses with regard to trust are "I trust him, just not her/them" - doesn't matter a damn. If you trust him, they are not part of the equation.

I wouldn't worry if you're feeling less attractive. Love is about the bond the couple have with one another...what I'd recommend is more quality time with one another. Invest some serious time into invigourating the relationship. Go places, do things and have some fun. It'll make you more secure, trust him more and you'll see jealousy fade as a result of knowing that you're his, he's yours and that you's are secure.

pilgrim1

hi Op,

I really must let you know to walk very carefully here. My jealousy (and I didn't even realise I was so jealous) has pushed my wife away. I never accused her of anything, and it certainly wasn't a lack of trust. When I look deep down inside myself, it was my own insecurities that were making me jealous. My wife couldn't handle it, and our 11 year marraige is now in ruins, not to mention the fallout for our kids.

It's a very destructive emotion and one that's very hard to deal with. But you must. Try to find the old spark between you if at all possible. See the good inside yourself. if your husband is aware of how you feel, talk calmly and rationally to him about it. See how your jealousy is affecting him and how he feels about you. When you start to feel it rising, take the time to rationalise it to yourself, try to understand what it is that's causing it and ask youtself what it is you have to fear.

Best of luck with it.