Feel like a freak

LegacyUser

I'm 24 years old, female and feel so down about this. I know it's not a serious problem (I alone have many worse problems) but it's gotten me down this week. Basically, I've always felt 'masculine' to the extent I used to wonder if I was a lesbian. I never was a 'pretty girl' who was into wearing pink or anything, and in secondary school I began to get quite hairy and got bullied, with other girls calling me Ape and other horrible nicknames. My mum wouldn't let me shave my legs as she thought I was too young so I endured bullying in every PE class. I also had super thick and hairy eyebrows, toes and even hairs on my fingers. I never had a boyfriend in secondary school and felt like a masculine freak. I didn't bother with make-up or hairstyles as I thought I was so ugly, they wouldn't make any difference.

When I got to college, I started to make an effort. I shaved my legs every other day, kept my eyebrows plucked (needed them waxed every two weeks and plucked every second day to look normal), started wearing more girly clothes and some make-up every day. I began to be considered pretty, very pretty even. My confidence soared and I felt normal for the last few years. Until two weeks ago when I went on a charity sort of trip abroad. We were told not to bring 'vanity items' so no make-up, razors etc. Honestly, I felt like a freak. After a few days, my legs were so, so hairy (everyone commented on them), after a week I had a light moustache, hairy toes, disgusting armpits and my eyebrows were a total mess (practically unibrow). None of the other girls had an issue, they didn't look great but their legs were just a bit fuzzy whereas I looked like a tranny or something. It just drove it home to me how much I actually need to do just to look 'normal', to look like a woman. One week without my time consuming and expensive maintenance and I look like a freak. I was recently diagnosed with PCOS which explains the hairiness, I was sort of glad to have a reason for it, but the hairiness is really getting me down. I just do not feel like a woman. Any advice or similar experiences appreciated.

stinkle

Hi, sorry to hear that you're so down about this. As I first read your post I thought "PCOS", and then read on to see that you've been diagnosed with it, so that must be a big help to know what's causing it. I know a lot of girls who have PCOS, including a relative and from talking to them about it the hairiness really gets them down, but once they had a diagnosis it helped them to make sense of what's going on.

I dont have it myself, but like you I used to feel a bit masculine as well when I was in school cos I was quite sporty and had bad acne so never bothered with make up or anything. Im quite small in reality but certainly never feel as "girly" as friends who are of a similar size/shape. They always look a bit "dainty" or something, and I certainly don't feel that way about myself!

This might be a silly question but have you considered waxing? It probably seems like a chore and if you've not done it before then scary and painful too. Also going to a salon might seem off-putting to you but you can do it at home. I've recently started to wax my own legs at home and havent looked back since as it takes ages (about a month if I've done it properly!) for the hair to grow back, and when it does grow back its much finer unlike shaving which leaves the hair with a blunt stubbly end. Im quite pale and unfortunately Im from a family of dark hairy people so I think the hair looks even darker against the paleness, but after waxing it seems to me the regrowth is less dark as it's finer. It sounds to me like having a wax before you went away on your trip might have lessened the annoyance of being hairy.

It still sounds mean of the other people to have commented. Were there guys there? I can never understand why it's ok for guys but not girls to have a bit of body hair. Hair is natural, and its crazy to think that after a week of "no vanity" that other people WOULDNT be hairy. I bet they were a bit insecure themselves and were pleased someone else was suffering worse then they were.

Ultimately maybe your doc could help too. Apparently PCOS is under-diagnosed so if you're fortunate enough to have a doc who understands then they might be able to put you in contact with other women who have it who could maybe recommend practical ways to manage the hairiness.

Sorry that's long, hope it's of some help though

MD!

Hi there. Sorry to hear you had a terrible time on your trip. i also have pcos and i can completely understand where you're coming from. have a look in 'the ladies lounge'. there is a thread in there on pcos and there is lots of helpful advice in there. there are loads of us going through the same thing as you so remember you're not alone!

tenchi-fan

Hi
I'm a guy so I don't know what pcos is! But why don't you see whether your doctor can prescribe you anything that will help with the hairiness?

Also, you should have told the charity to get lost. I went on a 3 week charity thing once.. the majority of people on it were hideous. They were always *trying* to get "into it" with stupid rules. They just had a certain smugness and were really in-your-face. Constantly preaching about respect but not really showing any.

You obviously have a medical condition so you shouldn't have listened to them.
In future try to stick with people who make you feel good.

Firetrap

Have you talked to your GP about it? Perhaps they might have some advice for you. Perhaps waxing might help. Have you considered more permanent hair removal methods like electrolysis or laser? None of them are that cheap but they might help your confidence.

Inari

As with Firetrap above, I'd recommend Laser Hair removal...if it's getting you down that much, then never being off guard will help you psychologically. Might be worth the consideration

LegacyUser

OP here. I had looked into laser, but I'm sallow skinned and there seems to be considerable risks from laser like darkening the skin, which is even worse than being hairy. Apparently it leaves huge red marks for some months and so on, so it's not a matter of just going in and getting zapped

I do wax sometimes but it's not much better. The hair still comes back fairly fast.

iguana

Unregistered wrote: »

I do wax sometimes but it's not much better. The hair still comes back fairly fast.

Have you tried using an epilator? I know some people who swear by them.

Danniboo

[mod edit: asking OP to pm you is a breach of the rules of this forum.]