Helping someone with Borderline Personality Disorder?

Seaneh

Right, I recently befriended someone who it would seem has a few issues.
It has come to my attention that she is suffering from, if not all of the following, a combination of some.

Borderline Personality Disorder,
BiPolar Disorder,
Narcissistic personality disorder,
Factitious disorder,

And probably a few more.

Basically put, she is a pathological liar, she lies about just about everything in her life. About her past, her ex relationships, people in her life, illnesses she never had, places she has never been, people she has never met, things she has never done and thing she will never do.

Example, she lied, to everyone in her life, about having breast cancer, she carried on a pretense for over 8 months that she was undergoing radiation and chemo therapy, she lied about having a lumpectomy and so forth. any time people would offer to take her to treatments she would make an excuse to have to go alone and then leave. The only person she didn't lie about it to was her then boyfriend, who lived with her, she NEVER told him. Which is slightly odd, because she was more than happy to complain about it to everyone else in her life and bask in their sympathy.

Another example.

she claimed to have an affair with former professor of hers, whom she then claimed had died of cancer and left something to her in his will. We don't know if she ever did have an affair with him and we don't particularly care, but we do know that the man is not dead, he currently works in the same field in another university and is married. Yet she gives detailed accounts of her going to his funeral and making a speech at his memorial on campus.

These are just two examples of many.

What I want to know is this.

How do we convince her she needs help? When confronted with the lies she shuts down, goes into hermit mode and ignores the outside world, vilifying the people who are trying to help her and making up yet more lies to alienate them from her so that she can continue to live in this life she has invented for herself?

Is there a way to make her see that she is either going to a) ruin her own life completely or b) absolutely destroy the life of whatever man is stupid enough to believe her lies for long enough to invest in a relationship and fall in love with her only to find out everything she has ever told him is anything from a miss-truth to a barefaced lie?

The Black Oil

I don't think we can give you advice as such. It would be worth keeping an eye on Mind UK's BPD page, unfortunately, it's being revised at the moment.

JuliusCaesar

You can't help somebody who doesn't want help.

Seaneh has been in touch to clarify that he just wants personal experience if anyone has been in this situation. Careful everyone now as we cannot diagnose or treat via boards.

Am unlocking the thread, but will be keeping an eye on it.

Seaneh

Thank you Julius my good man.

krankykitty

Seaneh, I don't know if you're going to be able to help her in the ways you describe, and as JC said in the earlier post, she has to want to help herself.

Getting her to visit her GP to get a referral to a professional who might actually be able to help her would probably be useful, but that might be difficult for you or anyone else to suggest.

One thing I would say is - take care of yourself and try not to take on the burden of this on yourself - only she really can take the steps to get help for herself.

SLUSK

Why would you want to hang around a person like that?

lemonjelly

Seaneh wrote: »

Right, I recently befriended someone who it would seem has a few issues.
It has come to my attention that she is suffering from, if not all of the following, a combination of some.

Borderline Personality Disorder,
BiPolar Disorder,
Narcissistic personality disorder,
Factitious disorder,

And probably a few more.

Basically put, she is a pathological liar, she lies about just about everything in her life. About her past, her ex relationships, people in her life, illnesses she never had, places she has never been, people she has never met, things she has never done and thing she will never do.

Example, she lied, to everyone in her life, about having breast cancer, she carried on a pretense for over 8 months that she was undergoing radiation and chemo therapy, she lied about having a lumpectomy and so forth. any time people would offer to take her to treatments she would make an excuse to have to go alone and then leave. The only person she didn't lie about it to was her then boyfriend, who lived with her, she NEVER told him. Which is slightly odd, because she was more than happy to complain about it to everyone else in her life and bask in their sympathy.

Another example.

she claimed to have an affair with former professor of hers, whom she then claimed had died of cancer and left something to her in his will. We don't know if she ever did have an affair with him and we don't particularly care, but we do know that the man is not dead, he currently works in the same field in another university and is married. Yet she gives detailed accounts of her going to his funeral and making a speech at his memorial on campus.

These are just two examples of many.

What I want to know is this.

How do we convince her she needs help? When confronted with the lies she shuts down, goes into hermit mode and ignores the outside world, vilifying the people who are trying to help her and making up yet more lies to alienate them from her so that she can continue to live in this life she has invented for herself?

Is there a way to make her see that she is either going to a) ruin her own life completely or b) absolutely destroy the life of whatever man is stupid enough to believe her lies for long enough to invest in a relationship and fall in love with her only to find out everything she has ever told him is anything from a miss-truth to a barefaced lie?

Sorry to that your friend psychopathologic liar. I think firstly before labeling the woman with any disorder plus meds etc. She needs to talk her heart out about how and why she seeks attention all the time.

trickortreat

SLUSK wrote: »

Why would you want to hang around a person like that?

its not really fair to ask that question without seeing or talking to that person. people have do have reasons for doing these things, they may not be logical and we may not understand them, but they are real reasons for them.

she sounds like she believes the lies herself and now she is having trouble separating reality from her fantasy life which she has fuelled by lies, and perhaps that would be why she shuts down when confronted.

also alot of the time people create a physical illness to explain an emotional or mental one.

maybe she has suffered a truma, hard to say though.

its a good sign that your are looking for advice instead of turning your back.

sometimes people do have to hit rock bottom to realise they need help.

when she wants help she will ask for it,

ps. sorry 4 long post!

Valmont

trickortreat wrote: »

its not really fair to ask that question without seeing or talking to that person. people have do have reasons for doing these things, they may not be logical and we may not understand them, but they are real reasons for them.

I think it's a perfectly valid question given that the OP has demonstrated that they don't like the person in question. I know if I knew someone like that, while I may sympathise with their plight, I wouldn't want to listen to their lies and nonsense.

pah

SLUSK wrote: »

Why would you want to hang around a person like that?

Have friends much?

SLUSK

pah wrote: »

Have friends much?

No I don't have any friends.

JuliusCaesar

pah wrote: »

Have friends much?

SLUSK wrote: »

No I don't have any friends.

Stay on topic

oceanwind

This site is just unbelievably helpful. Real people who really care.
Great articles and forums.
http://www.bpdfamily.com/
Its mostly US but there are some Irish on there too.
Take care of yourselves :)