Housemate from HELL

LegacyUser

Long story short...

Have a friend, in a realtionship 8 years with an absolute horror. I know her 14 years. Since we were kids. Always close and in many was get along perfectly, we've never fought and generally are good friends. I never liked her boyfriend. No one does. He has already alienated her from his family, cut her off from her friends and is generally quite unpleasant to be around. I never questioned the relationship, as it is not my place to do so but obviously I never enthusiasitcally embraced him either, neither did any of her friends.

Anyway, that was all fine. Until we moved in together. She very much put me on the spot and asked could he move in to? I said I needed to think about it... a few days later he moved his stuff in. I thought 'fine, get on with it, he would have been here alot anyway'....bad idea.

He has no job. No income and refuses to get one. He never leaves the house. From the minute I get up to go to work and come home at night he is whinging. The room is too hot/too cold, he can't fund his jumper, she's in his chair, she's fat, she's lazy. This girl is working for BOTH of them and comes home to a mountain of abuse. He's way below her station in the looks respect, so much so that people stop and stare at them on the street and it seems to be the source of all his insecurity, and he projects it onto her.

She can't go out, can't talk during the TV, can't have friends over...and then there is me. Despite ME being the one tolerating him when he isn't on the lease, despite me having to put up with massive esb bills, he treats me like dirt. I caught him plugging the iorn in after me the other day, I asked him why and he said he was using it but I suspect he was playing his usual trick of shifting the blame for our massive esb bills onto me. He is that petit and low and has done things like this before.

He always complains. He never talks. He literally acts like he owns the place and her. And his attitude is akin to a spoilt 4 year old child. We had one conversation about it, me and my friend and she agreed he needed to get a job and reassured me that he would. I thought ok cool. Seven weeks later...NADA.

He doesnt want a job. He has no qualifications. No friends (and by no friends, I mean not one. Literally no one likes him). He is just a sour, bitter horrible person. He is making what is an otherwise amazing place to live a living hell. He is always there, and never leaves. He sits on his laptop all day playing computer games waiting for her to get home.

I am at my wits end. All my friends are giving me the same advice, ultimatum time but I can see what is going on here. She's 100% brainwashed by him. She's a good person, with alot going for her and I want us to remain friends but I really do not know how to broach this one without creating a living situation that will be unbearable. He doesn't pay a cent towards anything. He is not on the lease and our letting agents know nothing of his existence. Therefore I know he doesn't have a leg to stand on but I would prefer not to have to go nucluear on this but it is heading that way. She's not giving me any concessions or reassurance here.

What the hell do I do? As I write this I am listening to him whinging in the sitting room because she cooked his dinner wrong...I seriously wish I was joking or embellishing this. I am not. Thanks for reading, I feel better getting it off my chest.

Taltos

I think that if she has not listened by now she will not.

Time for you to move out - and be explicitly honest why you are moving....
Maybe you letting her know this in advance might have an effect - but to be honest I severely doubt it.

S23

Hang on for a second. Can you just clear something up.

You were already living with your friend and she asked for her boyfriend to be allowed move in?

How long had you been living together previously?
Is a shared rental? Or does one of you own the house?
It sounds like you might. In which case theres absolutely no issue of you moving out.

Can you clarify that stuff before i suggest anything else?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

She´s as mush in the wrong as he is for lettign this develop. I´ msure it´s on her mind as well.

How to deliver the ultimatum line without making things worse? I think you should take her to one side and say you´re not happy. It isn´t fair on you. this has to be done now if you want to avoid going ´neuclear´ later on. You could always tell her you´re seriously conisdering moving out and see how she takes it. is she able to pay for the entire flat bills and all on her own? If not you have leverage there.

beks101

As S23 mentioned, a few issues need clarifying before anyone can advise you on this situation - are you the mortgage holder or is this a shared lease?

If you own the house, then I don't think you need to be told that you are 100% within your rights to ask him to leave. You shouldn't have just nodded along and thought 'ah sure it'll be grand' in the first place, but the damage is done and now you must take responsibility.

If it's a shared lease, move out. Simple as that. Don't threaten to move out, or sit your friend down and tell her things have to change. I think you know as well as the rest of us that guys like this don't change. He doesn't give a sh1t. His girlfriend may; he doesn't. And he doesn't seem the type that takes constructive advice from anyone, his girlfriend included.

If it was me, I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if I left without saying something, so what I would do is draw up a list of all of his unacceptable behaviours, sit my friend down and explain to her the depth of the situation. Be aware that this may put your friendship at risk so probably is not the best idea, but personally I'd rather this than to pretend that I approve of this sort of a monstrosity of a human being!

hitlersson666

You should talk to the BF alone and explain this to him