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Is there nothing I can do to help my Dad?

  • 20-03-2010 1:07pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    My Dad is worrying me. Over the last few years me and my sister have moved out of the family home (we're 30 and 25) . My dad is a widower so lives on his own now. He's had a tough life so he's always been a snarky and depressed but we've gotten by however I've noticed increasingly that not only has he been rude and ungrateful to me and my brother but to his few remaining friends.

    He's been building up this mentality that everyone is selfish and only interested in their own lives so they don't want to talk to him. In reality, he's become so full of self pity and rudeness, not many people are left that really want to spend time with him. So not only is pushing away the last of his friends but it's really hard for me and my sister to feel sorry for him when our considerable efforts to spend time with him are normally disregarded and unappreciated.

    Now I don't mind being unappreciated. My father raised us on his own and is perhaps an unusual character but he's still family. However, I'm worried he's putting himself in a vicious circle of loneliness. His self-centeredness feeds on his loneliness and his self-centered pushes him further away from people. The other day he mentioned that "it'd be better if <he> just died so people could get on with their own lives because that's all people ever care about". Suicide is becoming a genuine worry for me now as it's the exact kind of martyrdom he thrives on.

    What can I do? I can't force someone to be nice, to have a more positive outlook on life. Between myself and my sister, he gets a phone call everyday and a visit at least once a week. We're hardly neglecting him but we're never going to be the answer to his loneliness. He needs to get out there and find a hobby or friends but he's zero interests and is not exactly a people person. Is there a way to break the cycle?


Comments

  • #2
    tenchi-fan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,339 ✭✭✭tenchi-fan


    You'll probably find the lower he gets, the more of an effort you make, and the more pitied he feels. And what sort of life is it just waiting around all day for a phonecall?

    He needs to build a social life. He should probably go on day trips and weekend breaks, get involved in photography or golf... and even get some form of companionship or a new girlfriend.

    This might sound silly but if he had a dog he could go for walks and that might make him feel better!

    It's weird though, at his age you just can't be open and frank in discussions and tell him this! But it might be worth trying to speak to him about it - it sounds like he's having a very miserable time.


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