Help!

LegacyUser

I'm a regular boardsie but I kind of needed to go private for this.

I have been suffering from depression for the past couple years or so which has come to a head over the last year and I have sought help from professionals.

I feel the help I am getting is not sufficent, like I'm seeing a councellor, psyciatrist and a mental health team. I am not in any way being ungratefulfor the treatment I'm recieving but I feel things have gone so far that I need to be admitted somewhere.

I have been medicated now for a year, been on various types of anti-depressants but they have done me no good. I have been self-harming now for more than nine months and have been carrying out other self-destructive acts on a daily basis and I'm actually not sure how much further I can go.

I am in college,in a course I don't like and I'm only 21 year old female and I never though life could be this difficult. I witnessed alot of abuse as a child and was also at the recieving end, dealth with a few tragedies in my close family and been physically ill myself for almost a year.

I just don't know now what to do, I have told the professionals the majority of this but I don't think that they think anything of this, just to come for a weekly visit and continue taking your meds...Now what to do, I don't know?

I'm sorry about this post, I'm just confused and don't know what to do. Can some one please advise me!

Kevster

I was exactly your age when I was admitted to a psych hospital. I was also in the 'middle' of my first undergrad degree. There are productive ways out of this. Firstly, it will be possible to postpone your studies for a year or so, and all you must do for that is contact your head lecturer / course director. You can get someone in your family to do this if you wish.

Also, talk to your psychiatrist or GP about going into a psychiatric hospital. If your family have health-insurance, then you should be fine, but might have to wait a while for a room. My GP always said that they are more like 'hotels' than anything, and certainly the stereotype about psych hospitals is completely wrong. I enjoyed my time in the one I was admitted to.

Take care,
Kevin

LegacyUser

Hi Kevin,

Unfortunatly it's not an option for me to defer my course for financial reasons. I have though of this but I am just trying to muddle my way through!

I just feel that maybe if I was admitted that it might help me or stop me with my behaviour, my actions...I only have a medical card so I don't know if that will cover it or not. I have said the majority of this to them like I see them weekly and that and I know they are doing their best for me, but I don't think that I'm doing my best for me because I feel my behaviour is getting riskier and riskier and I just don't know whats going to happen next...I don't know if any of that makes sense??

LegacyUser

Anybody any advice out there??

LegacyUser

You need to learn to help yourself.

Stop looking for other people to sort things out for you and do it yourself.

Take the control back of your life, and make yourself better. Drugs aren't going to make you better, they will just mask your feelings.

If you think that you are not getting enough support, then it is clear to me that you have unrealistic expectations of what mental health professionals can do for you.

Its you who has to do all the hard work, only you can make yourself better. You've got a counsellor and a psychiatrist who can guide you and help you with your emtions and issues. But it's you who has to do all the hard work.

Kevster

How do you know that you cannot defer the year? Officially, they won't give you your money back, but due to 'extentuating' circumstances, hey might. That's what my college did when I was going through this stuff too.

When you speak of 'them' in the last part of your previous message, who are you referring to? Is it some group of mental health professionals? Whoever 'they' are, tell them exactly what you've told us - i.e. that your behaviour is becoming more and more risky. Get the advice you need from them.

Kevin

bubblebutt

hello,

first of all, PLEASE do not let yourself get so bad that you have to be admitted, carefully consider that if you cannot afford to go private, it is best to stay the hell away from public mental health hospitals. from personal experience, my three day stint in such a place only left me terrified, confused, alone and to be honest dirty... amnesty international is not worried about the state of irish mental health hospitals for nothing.

i work in a full time permanent job, have done since finishing college. i have been off work for a total, of seven out of the last twelve months due to my depression.

my advice to you is just what i'm sure your team is saying to you, it WILL help, corny and all; do NOT drink(love my merlot), avoid caffeine (get in my system diet coke), go for a 20 min to 30 min walk a day at least, eat fruit, go to bed at eleven and wake at eight(force yourself out of bed even if you only slept 2-4 hours, you'll get into a pattern eventually) have some reflection time(i.e. boiling the kettle, having a pee; since the last time you reflected were you happy, sad, anxious, freaked, confident and consider why?, evaluate on your reflection time, can you see a pattern?), evolve on your reflection time by keeping mood diary. start small think big(some days if i only empty the dish washer, i feel a sense of achievement! other days i'll get my booty to tesco, do shopping, have a omm nom nom dinner cooked and a shiny sparkley house and still have that same sense of achievement!) do NOT harbour guilt; you are ill and are suffering from a chronic illness(if you had asthma, diabetes would you be guilty). know that most folks will not and cannot understand your illness, it's not their fault nor yours, it is for you to accept, "it is what it is"!

as for treatment; i'm bloody on my forth different type of medication this year, it's not an exact science, it's trial and error! nobody is the same! Starting a new medication is icky, feeling so out of it for the first two to three weeks sucks bananas. then to find it's not working and having to withdraw from same medication before you can start a new..... grrrrr! stick with it honey. the same could be said for your psychiatric team, i'm on my second and am happy i changed, love the two ladies i deal with. my team is from the Dean clinic in st patricks hospital in dublin. it's private and feckin pricey to boot but if you're a medical card holder maybe they could do something. funnily enough my awesome doctor used to work in the rotten hospital i was admitted to, would of loved if she still worked there when i was there but alas not!

i cannot imagine that your uni/college could not be able to facilitate you in taking leave providing you got adequate medical certification to say so, remember you are ill! you will not be the first student to defer a term/year due to mental illness.


much love, sorry i've no grammer,

bubblebutt

santana75

Help Yourself wrote: »

You need to learn to help yourself.

Stop looking for other people to sort things out for you and do it yourself.

Take the control back of your life, and make yourself better. Drugs aren't going to make you better, they will just mask your feelings.

If you think that you are not getting enough support, then it is clear to me that you have unrealistic expectations of what mental health professionals can do for you.

Its you who has to do all the hard work, only you can make yourself better. You've got a counsellor and a psychiatrist who can guide you and help you with your emtions and issues. But it's you who has to do all the hard work.

As harsh as this advice might sound I think the poster is bang on. You have to be your own counsellor. As somebody once said: By all means pray to God, but at the same time, you gotta row for the shore.
Dont leave the responisbility for your health in the hands of anybody else. Take what the people helping you have to offer but at the same time you have to take control. Thats that only way you're going to get out of this.

LegacyUser

I do feel guilty when people say take responsibility for your own health because I know deep down that I'm doing the complete opposite by putting on the self destruct button and harming myself etc and I don't trust myself as to how much further it/I will go with doing that.

As for deferring the year, it would be difficult because none of my family are aware of what I'm going through and I simply couldn't spend a year sitting on my ass at home with no job and nothing to do. I went down home for a week last week and I was seriously ready to crack up in so many ways! I had to leave early as a result and simply tried to throw myself into college work but yet again I activated the self-destruct button, which I know is not good but it in some weird way helps.

Bubblebutt:
I really don't want to be admitted but I feel that it's the only way forward, don't get me wrong my team are fantastic but I just feel so intimidated with so many people around you I tend to clam up and say as little as possible. In general, I don't react well to group things, I try to work as much as possible on my own as I feel I get things done better that way.

I try and push myself to get out of bed days, this morning was one of them but it's just so hard because I feel exhausted, run down and the pure lack of sleep and nightmares don't help.

Distracting myself is I suppode one option to move forward, I don't feel that the meds are doing anything for me, if anything they are having a yo-yo effect on my mood and alot of negative side effects and I certainly don't like that. But I suppose I should just get used to it!

Hopefully things will get better!

Kevster

Hi,

Your excuse for not deferring is understandable, but it's not constructive. You're putting yourself between a rock and hard-place here. It does'nt have to be that way though. if you continue the way things are, you might very well run aground/crash-n'-burn.

Sooner or later you will have to relinquish the control you have on your life and put some of it in the hands of someone else who cares for you. You have to let go of your pride a little to do this. I had to do the same when I fecked up my life so much - i.e. I had to say to myself that I couldn't take care of myself anymore, and I then placed the control of my life in the hands of my parents and doctor.

Kevin

LegacyUser

I can't seem to do anything else but make up excuses for myself...last night i felt as if i was out of control and just couldn't stop and today I just feel gulity.

I got a repeat script there the other day from my doc, i feel he's the only one I can trust as nobody in my family or circle of friends are aware or indeed will be aware of whats going on.

I need to do something

Kevster

Regrettably, it's often the case that family members don't understand mental illnesses in people. You will have to find a way to communicate with them in the most productive and peaceful way possible, but don't hold your breath for them to understand you ever.

"I can't seem to do anything else but make up excuses for myself"
What excuses are you making now, exactly?; and what do you even mean by this statement. As yo read this now, I doubt you can come up with many excuses at all. I'd argue that you're just afraid to change the way your life is, but that's understandable. The unkown is a very scary thing for many of us, but you must venture forward and get this situation sorted. The option you're currently taking - i.e. 'drifting' along - will never get you anyway.

Grab hold of the reigns of yuor life and steer it in the directions YOU want.

Kevin