Sad and abused guy.

lonelyguy

I am a 19 year old guy. I suppose my life was the same as any other kid up until I reched 12. My brother who was 21 at the time abused me sexually and physically. This went on for about 2 and a half years. I then started to relise that I was attracted to other guy's and hated it. I still do. I have never had a relationship with anybodt. I haven't enen kissed anybody this is because if anybody every touches me. It reminds me of what happened to me all those years ago. I find that all I'm doing with my life is staying in my room online. I also just eat and eat. I am really un-happy with my life now. I hate who I am. I hate being gay. I hate my brother for what he did to me. I just understand why this happened to me. I was always a very good kid. I was well behaved. I just don't understand why this hapened to me. I will never have a normal life.
I alo will always be wondering did my brother make me gay?
Any advice??
Thanks!

theg81der

Hi Op your story made me really sad. I`m so sorry for what you`ve been through. Do your parents know? Have you received any justice or counselling? Please please get help, you can go on to have a great life I promise. My OH was abused and I understand how difficult it is to move on from but you can do it.

And abuse can`t "turn" you gay, who you are attracted to is instinctual. There is no shame in being gay and finding a loving, understanding partner will be so important for you - please don`t give up on that side of your life. You will I`m sure have issues around sex but thats not love and with the right person and counselling you can overcome this obsticle.

You have been through so much you are stronger than me and most other people if anybody has the strenght to do this its you. You owe yourself a great life don`t let this b*stard take the rest of your life from you.

You can choose OP, choose a positive perspective, choose to allow yourself to move on.

I`m sorry for the long post but I don`t know what to say to make a change to your life and I so deserately wish I had the eliquence to inspire you and make you hopeful.

tenchi-fan

Hi.. im not replying anonymously for this...

I'm gay and was never sexually abused. sounds horrible. but i was abused in every other way conceivable when i was younger and even now it affects me.... i just feel like i can't get over it. so some pretty good advice is to just acknowledge that **** happens and .. well get over it..

anyway, whether you like guys or girls doesn't matter. whatever you do now is your own decision. being with someone you care about and who likes you back is such a good experience so don't deprive yourself of it .. and although you might see parallels to what your brother did to you, you just need to put it out of your head because it's him with the problem & him who did wrong - not you. Just put yourself out there and have respect for yourself & whoever you're with. You should enjoy yourself because 19's really young & it's a good time for experimenting & putting yourself out there!

lonelyguy

Nobody know's about what he did to me. If I ever chose to tell anybody about it I wouldbe afraid that I wouldn't be believed my ''brother'' is the perfect son. He has an exellent job, he is very religious and is very well respescted in our community. People are always telling my parents that they are so lucky to have such a wonderful son.I feel that I wouldn't be believed. I feel that I would be better off dead because I will never have a normal life and I will never be happy.!

Nevyn

You have posted this several times before.

You need to talk about this, you don't have to talk to family.
I suggest again that you get professional help

http://www.rcni.ie/male-survivors.aspx 1800 77 88 88

http://www.oneinfour.org/services/ 01 662 4070

http://www.dublinsamaritans.ie/
Phone 24/7 365: 1850 60 90 90 Email: jo@samaritans.org



There is no such thing as a normal life.
You need to get help for you and you don't have to tell anyone else that you are doing that. You need to stop being worried what people think and stop thinking of yourself and your life in realtion to your brother.

You can be happy if you wish to be to you will have to work at dealing with the issues.

tenchi-fan

Hi

You need to report your brother. So many abusers seem to get deeply involved in religion & end up never taking responsibility for what they did because they actually believe they are such good people - how can they be bad people when they are so holy (yea right)!

I know you probably want closure and if your brother admitted what he did and everyone realised what a bad person he was that would probably be the closure you need.

But unfortunately this probably won't happen so don't sit around waiting for it to happen.

I think it's up to you to build your own life now. Your brother isn't part of it. It's possible that as you get older the rest of your family won't be as large a part of it either - it's a big world out there so you should look forward to working in different cities and travelling to different countries.

Good point from Thaedydal, there is no such thing as a normal life. One of my friends is a diabetic, another's mother died in a car crash.. everyone can say "my life would be perfect if" but you can't change the past so just concentrate on your future

tenchi-fan

ps.. hope the mods don't mind me posting this .. ladslads.com is a gay social networking website (it's nothing to do with me, i'm only a member). there's message boards and you can see fellas in your area. it's not sleazy, some decent guys use it.