Was it really for the best?.

LegacyUser

During a break up, how to you know that it's the right decision and not something you'll forever regret?. I ended it with my now ex boyfriend recently. It had turned into long distance and I had become withdrawn from the whole thing. He made a mistake which I thought I could get over, but I could never feel what I once did. It's so difficult!. And I feel really guilty. He did everything to make up for the bad stuff that happened but I can't change my feelings. The last time I saw him, certain things like his smoking really turned me off him.

Now that we've broken up, I miss him like hell. It's been a long time since I've been in this situation and I'm finding it difficult to deal with. We had some of the best times together. I'm sure this sort of thing is very common on here, but I'm grateful for any advice on knowing that it was the right thing to do. Do people who break up usually have doubts, even if they initiated it!?

lonely planet

i finished with my girlfriend...i was always have it anymore....
or maybe its just all part of breaking up...because going from spending alot of time with someone,and texting, phone calls ect to a big nothing can be lonely..... i gusee it just takes time:)

LegacyUser

You can't change how you feel, there's always that sadness and loneliness when you break up. I broke up with someone two months ago and it still hurts every day. I do know it was ultimately for the best but it doesn't mean I don't miss her every day. I'm still trying to get used to it and it is hard.

There's always doubts but as you said he was starting to annoy you and you found it hard to forget things, I'm a bit like that myself, if you feel a certain way deep down in your heart and you felt it wasn't going to change then you did the right thing. Of course things are hard post breakup but the old cliche about time is true. Take each day as it comes. I still hurt like hell somedays, other days not so bad but I have hope, hope that someone else is the one for me.

You broke up for a reason, when you feel you really miss him think of those reasons. It'll reassure you that you did the right thing. Keeping going down a dead end relationship is no good for anyone.

I've no great pearls of wisdom to offer, all i can do is empathise. The first while is the worst and after that it hurts every day, and then every day a little bit less until one day it doesn't anymore. I'm still looking forward to that day. I found plenty time by myself to be better but whatever makes you feel better. Meeting up with friends is good, I didn't want to have to put on a face so I only did when I felt it would help and make me feel better. A friend of mine was going through the same thing shortly before me and it really helped having someone who really got what you were going through, other friends hadn't a clue to be honest, good friends but not in the situation. If you have any friends that can really empathise with you i'd talk to them, just try do anything that you think would help and get your mind off things...music, movies, whatever helps make you feel better so long as it's not destructive.

All the best.

Ickle Magoo

I'm not sure I've ever had doubts about ending a relationship - after all, if it was all going so well it would never have entered my head to end things.

I think being single again just gives you a lot of time to be nostalgic and miss the good points - I used to make a list of the reasons I wanted the relationship to end and stick it on the fridge so I'd read it whenever I went in there - keeps things in perspective.

Best of luck!

Xluna

Unregistered wrote: »

During a break up, how to you know that it's the right decision and not something you'll forever regret?. I ended it with my now ex boyfriend recently. It had turned into long distance and I had become withdrawn from the whole thing. He made a mistake which I thought I could get over, but I could never feel what I once did. It's so difficult!. And I feel really guilty. He did everything to make up for the bad stuff that happened but I can't change my feelings. The last time I saw him, certain things like his smoking really turned me off him.

Now that we've broken up, I miss him like hell. It's been a long time since I've been in this situation and I'm finding it difficult to deal with. We had some of the best times together. I'm sure this sort of thing is very common on here, but I'm grateful for any advice on knowing that it was the right thing to do. Do people who break up usually have doubts, even if they initiated it!?

I'd suggest meeting him and have a heart to heart over the issue which you find it difficult to forgive him for. Getting things out of the air may heal things,it may not and if does'nt you can feel more reassured with your decision. Have you asked him to quit smoking and deal with the other habits which turned you off? What was his response?

krudler

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I'm not sure I've ever had doubts about ending a relationship - after all, if it was all going so well it would never have entered my head to end things.

I think being single again just gives you a lot of time to be nostalgic and miss the good points - I used to make a list of the reasons I wanted the relationship to end and stick it on the fridge so I'd read it whenever I went in there - keeps things in perspective.

Best of luck!

+1 on this, I'm pretty ruthless with getting rid of anything that will cause fuzzy nostalgia feelings after a breakup, anything they bought for me or gave me goes. You'll always find something they bought you or makes you think of how good things were and that can be torture, the less of that stuff in your life the easier it is to move on, its completely natural to only remember the good times after a breakup we all do it

Ruby-J

OP, i can totally relate to what you are going through. Myself anf my fiance broke up just a few weeks before christmas, we grew apart and now its taking its toll on both of us. But it was the right decision, you have to think if you were back together, think of how you felt before you broke up. You did want out, thats what i have to keep thinking when i ask myself, oh was it the right decision. The loneliness and fear of being alone and not finding someone else can make you doubt your decision as you do tend to remember the good times you had with your ex as you miss them. its only natural. So hang in there. i have my good days and bad but i keep reminding myself when i begin to think about him or miss him that yes this is what we both wanted and we werent happy together anymore. so try not to let it take over. i know its really tough.