Do you think about your exes a lot?

LegacyUser

I often think of my ex partners. I might not be doing or seeing anything that reminds me of them but they would come into my head. I'm not talking about brief relationships, more like people who you spent more than 6 mths or so with.

This happens whether I'm happily involved or not.

Is this common enough or once they are out of your life, you dont give them much thought unless u bump into them?

I guess what has brought this to a head is that someone from a long time ago recently made an attempt to get in contact. Someone who I had thought a lot about even though Ive not seen him in a long long time, Think 10 years or so

Is it normal to think about those who u used to be romantically involved with or is it a sign of unresolved issues?

Victor

I hope imagine its perfectly normal. If someone takes up a good chunk of our lives for an extended period, then surely it would be abnormal to not think of them at some stage in the future. If they aren't worth remembering, why would you go out with them in the first place?

Now, its perhaps a different matter if we are pre-occupied with someone from out past.

nicegirl

I would think about them every so often. I have had a few boyfriends, but my ex from 6 years ago will always have a special place in my heart

force majeure

Cant say much here as your not giving much away, what kind off attempt did he make to get in contact and what was your response.
As for thinking off him every one does, we don't fall in love and forget it ever happened, any issues big or small could play on you mind so it may not harm to try and resolve them with a luncheon or a walk in the park.

dr_funkenstein

Hey OP

It's funny you should mention this, was talking to a friend about this lately.

I still think about some of my ex's the odd time, but its usually just the one that I spent nearly 4 years with, and It's been over 3 years since we broke up! Like others, I think its only natural after you've spent so much time with these people. Aslong as it's not affecting the present that is.

First cut and all that...

lonely planet

thinking about ur ex when ur with someone elce is kinda cheating and not fair on new partner....
well thats my view anyway.:rolleyes:

Victor

lonely planet wrote: »

thinking about ur ex when ur with someone elce is kinda cheating and not fair on new partner....
well thats my view anyway.:rolleyes:

Should we all develop amnesia then?

There is a big difference between thinking of someone and actually doing something about it. A friend posted some old photos of people we knew and then my mother asked me about the same girl a few days later and I said I hadn't heard from her in years. Am I cheating? I did think of her twice in the one week.

lonely planet

:rolleyes:

Victor wrote: »

Should we all develop amnesia then?

There is a big difference between thinking of someone and actually doing something about it. A friend posted some old photos of people we knew and then my mother asked me about the same girl a few days later and I said I hadn't heard from her in years. Am I cheating? I did think of her twice in the one week.

did you think of her while you were in bed with ur present girlfriend? cause thats what i mean... and if you did well thats cheating,,,only my view.

dr_funkenstein

I think you're taking this quite a long way out of context lonely planet. We're not saying we think of ex's 24/7, but that every once in a while, something banal can make you think of someone in your past.

I think you're confusing thinking and lusting...

LegacyUser

I think about my ex all the time OP, but not in a obsessive way. Like another poster said it's normal when you were with someone a good length of time and truly loved them.
Funny thing is I doubt any of them ever think about me.

The ex I think about the most I have not seen or had any contact with for over ten years. As far as I know he is happily married now with at least one kid. He was my best friend. I still miss him dearly, but never in a sexual way-(which was one of the main problems of our relationship). I would think about him most days, we were together for almost 7 yrs. I would love to be in contact with him again, but I was the bitch in that relationship so the iniative would have to come from him.

The second man I fell in love with left me for another woman. I don't miss him. In fact he would kind of repulse me if I met him now.

The third man was deeply damaged, I do miss him sometimes but am relieved I got away.

Talkshop1111

I often think about my exes, usually them giving me handjobs, blowjobs or just sex, I am usually masturbating too when I think of this

So no, I would say you're alright.

McChubbin

Occasionally think of my ex.

Then I think of beating him with a shovel...

leggo

It depends.

I got told recently that I talk about ex's a lot. But, then again, I work with all women so generally the best way I can relate to them is through women that I've spent a lot of time with in my life. There's not one ex that could make me, for a second, want to get back with them. I'm happy that I spent the time I did with them...but it's very much in the past. Eugh. No.

That said, longing for the past...or thinking back over good times with someone and missing them...isn't healthy in my opinion. It's very easy, when things aren't going so well, to look back on ancient history with rose-coloured glasses. I've been there. In fact, it's a lot EASIER, and less intimidating, to long for someone who's already loved you than to look in the big bad world for someone new who will. But just because it's easier doesn't make it right.

The fact that you've gone as far as to post it here on boards.ie tells me that you're not comfortable with your thoughts about your ex's. You already know something is not adding up. So you need to fully evaluate, in your mind, why you're feeling this way and what these emotions are telling you that you want in life.

If you need help doing so, feel free to post again and elaborate and people here can try their best to decipher your thoughts.

tenchi-fan

I have my ex's as "friends" on facebook.
the sad thing is I'm the only one who thinks of them as potential friends and they think me as a potential "fall-back"
So I usually hear they have new other halves.... it all seems very superficial.
but like it or not I still think of them.

pow wow

I think of most of them every so often, I wonder if that'll stop when I settle down with someone for good. Most of them are married now with kids (I know this because I *gasp* have looked a couple of them up on facebook:eek:).

They just kind of appear sometimes in my head, if I hear a song that reminds me of them, a mutual friend brings them up, I go somewhere we used to go......it doesn't keep me awake at night. I'd probably be more concerned if they never crossed my mind. Not to be too cheesy about it but they're in some of my best memories of things I've done or places I've been etc.

I've had a couple of 'hey, what are you doing these days?' emails from some of them (including the married ones) so I think it's shared on both sides to a degree - however the relationship ended.

Adelante

I like most do think of my ex. :mad::o:confused:;):D:eek::)
Im reminded of Elbow's Ground's for Divorce and in particular the chorus-

"Theres a hole in my neighbourhood down which of late I cannot help but fall" even though it holds different meaning to the band. I cant help how I feel when I think of her.

Im in good place now because had I not been in this relationship to begin with I would not be the man, boy, manboy I am today, instead I could easily have repeated a familiar path that has/ had form. But now I see and have chosen different.

Barracudaincork

Yeah i think of my ex's from time to time, but i also think of past friends, old work mates etc etc When thinking about your past you think of many different things and sometimes its an ex, its just you dont notice you think of other things as much IMO.

As long as you arent in a relationship and getting your sexual kicks by thinking of an ex then you arent doing anything wrong or abnormal.

LegacyUser

dr_funkenstein wrote: »

I think you're taking this quite a long way out of context lonely planet. We're not saying we think of ex's 24/7, but that every once in a while, something banal can make you think of someone in your past.

...

Wow Im amazed at the amount of replies... I even laughed at some of them, Did someone mention a shovel? :-O

I'm single at the moment, a year out of a relationship with a controling emotionally abusive man, (kids involved) I'm only starting to feel better now

When someone from a long time (ex) ago made an attempt to contact me on a social networking site, I know he must have been thinking about me, coz I wasnt under my own name so he would have had a hard time tracking me down

So I guess its normal enough to think of those from your past

Dinxminx

I think of my exes, but not necessarily in a positive light... Usually something reminds me of them and they cross my mind for a moment. It's no bother though, and I'm well shot of them!

force majeure

Petragram wrote: »

I think about my ex all the time OP, but not in a obsessive way. Like another poster said it's normal when you were with someone a good length of time and truly loved them.
Funny thing is I doubt any of them ever think about me.

The ex I think about the most I have not seen or had any contact with for over ten years. As far as I know he is happily married now with at least one kid. He was my best friend. I still miss him dearly, but never in a sexual way-(which was one of the main problems of our relationship). I would think about him most days, we were together for almost 7 yrs. I would love to be in contact with him again, but I was the bitch in that relationship so the iniative would have to come from him.

The second man I fell in love with left me for another woman. I don't miss him. In fact he would kind of repulse me if I met him now.

The third man was deeply damaged, I do miss him sometimes but am relieved I got away.

Right so guy no1 you think is married with a kid but cant be sure, you would like to say hi to him from time to time but as you in your word was a bit less than nice to him yet you expect him to reproach!!! a text or email to him might not go astray as you already stated their was no serious underlying sexual relationship so its merely friendship here am I right.
Guy no2 is as dead as a dodo so no news their
no3 was a head case so no news their either, but again the odd hello may not kill your world.

Taltos

Bit of a mixture for me.
I only think really of 1 ex - the one who cheated and was a complete tramp.
Other than that I think more of the regrets, one in particular, I'll call her SC4884 . Went through a patch there around a year ago where almost weekly I had re-occuring dreams about her, as you can imagine really messed my head up.

Kind of the reason I usually encourage other posters to always act - never to have a regret.

From my perspective think it is totally normal to reflect back on the past. Some parts with happiness, maybe other parts with remorse.

degrassinoel

ye should watch High Fidelity (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0146882/)
this thread totally reminded me of that film.

As for me, yep, i do, wether i'm with someone or not.

LegacyUser

force majeure wrote: »

Right so guy no1 you think is married with a kid but cant be sure, you would like to say hi to him from time to time but as you in your word was a bit less than nice to him yet you expect him to reproach!!! a text or email to him might not go astray as you already stated their was no serious underlying sexual relationship so its merely friendship here am I right.
Guy no2 is as dead as a dodo so no news their
no3 was a head case so no news their either, but again the odd hello may not kill your world.

I love your direct style, but with guy no.1, I don't expect him to do anything.god I still miss him so much, just wish I knew how he is.

What do you mean by 'reproach'. Because, as I said, I was in the wrong with him, I would not like to upset his world by making the first approach. got to admit, I would love to, but tbh not even sure how to contact him other than sending him a personal letter to the school he is a teacher in! That's too much isn't it?

Yeah feck no.2 Dodo. Total Dodo.

No.3 Enroute to seriously abusive relationship, so best left buried. Maybe he is perfectly ok with a new girlfriend, if he has one, maybe he is not. But that was a small rural town situation where he was well liked and respected, so have no desires to revisit that one.