Two timed my bf please help

galwaygirl777

I kissed another guy paddys day i got extremely drunk and have very little memory of the night. I feel so bad and i need to know should i tell my boyfriend? I cant understand why this happened i have never felt about anybody the way i feel about my boyfiend. I am so disappointed in myself and i dont know what to do?Disgusted and scared...............

pilph

It's best to be honest but be prepared for him to be hurt.

Southsider1

I certainly wouldn't condone being unfaithful but will it do any good telling him? You only kissed this other guy? You didn't sleep with him? You're obviously beating yourself up over this. Is there any point in upsetting your bf as well? Is there any chance he'll find out from someone else? If not forget about it and move on.

Exclamation Marc

If it's something that is going to haunt you for a long time (which as you are posting on boards about it, it seems like it might), it might be better to be up front and honest about it, as the more that time passes the more difficult it will be to tell him.

He might very well be very hurt over it, but if you are going to continue feeling incredibly bad about it, it's only going to make your relationship unenjoyable by hiding it, and you'll feel awful knowing your hiding it. Also, if he did similar, you'd hope he'd tell you.

And as said, if it ever gets back to him, and you haven't told him, I imagine it'd be over.

galwaygirl777

Yes it was just a kiss....I havent seen my bf since last sunday night he's away working in a different countyr and is back 2nite I am supposed to be making him dinner at his place....I so want to be honest but i am so scared if i do tell him that he will end it...This is the person i want to spend the rest of my life with i have never got on with anybody so well in my life he is my best friend..I know that sounds like such **** after wat i did..But the guy i kissed wasnt drunk and he know how bad i was he also insinuated my bf was probaly with somebody else as we we were chatting i know i shouldnt have listened to a word but i am so vulnerable at the moment my parents are financillay ruined and our business is closing an my younger sister just found out she is pregnant everything is so **** at the moment and I need my bf...

Inari

I'm of the opinion that if he'll never find out (i.e it's 100% certain that he won't), then it's your cross to bear...in other words suffer in silence. It would do no good to hurt/upset him, and it wouldn't ease your own sadness/guilt either.

If there's even the smallest chance it'll get back to him, then you sit him down and tell him, and be ready for whatever reaction.

Remember...I'm just an internet person, and this is your life/love...so take everything I say with a whole heap of salt

Southsider1

galwaygirl777 wrote: »

Yes it was just a kiss....

i am so vulnerable at the moment my parents are financillay ruined and our business is closing an my younger sister just found out she is pregnant everything is so **** at the moment and I need my bf...

Well if the above is the case just forget about it and move on. Stop beating yourself up.

tbh

these threads are always really divisive, and there's a case to be made for either telling him or keeping silent.

so look. Give yourself a break. Don't tell him, unless you think there's a chance he could find out. If you're sure he'd never find out, swallow the guilt, learn your lesson and get on with your life. It sounds like you're due a bit of - if not luck, then at least a cessation of crap.

Be prepared tho, people on this thread will pass judgement, and because you're in pain at the moment, you'll take it all in in a way you wouldn't if you were just a reader.

My real advice is, don't beat yourself up, it happens, it doesn't have to change anything. Unsubscribe from this thread and get on with your life.

Barracudaincork

Tell him, you owe it to him to tell him so he can decide how big a deal this is or isnt, and what he wants to do about it.

If you want trust and honesty in your relationship, then you have to give it too.

Also at present you are just a cheater, if he found out about it in the future, you are not only a cheater but a liar too and that would be much harder for him to forgive IMO.

S23

Agree with Barracuda there. Its not your decision to decide whether its a big deal or not to him. He deserves honesty and he deserves to be able to decide how 'big a deal' it is.

Not telling him would be a lie of omission. Do you want to add lying to cheating?

Karmafaerie

The only way to answer this one IMO is this way.


If the roles were reversed, would you want him to tell you?

Could you forgive him doing the same to you?

Could you forgive him doing the same to you and lying about it till he was caught out?




Personaly I'd tell.
Mistakes happen.
But lying about it would make it more than a mistake as the lie is deliberate.


Completely up to you however.
Hope things work out.

Taltos

OP - this is just rotten for you. Lets put it all in context.

> home life - full of stress
> bf - out of the country
> you were feeling low
> you were drunk
> someone you trusted took advantage....

I would not be beating yourself up at all here. In fact I would be quite angry with this guy...
Only you can make the call if you tell your bf or not, only you know if he will take all the above into account, hopefully he will if you do go that route.

But at a min - cut all contact with this other guy and try to watch what you drink when you are out next. There are always unscrupulous folk out there just waiting to take advantage.

I am not going to tell you to tell him or not - I want to but for a change won't.
But I will tell you to really give yourself a break here and don't let this one slip-up redefine you...

S23

Karmafaerie wrote: »

The only way to answer this one IMO is this way.


If the roles were reversed, would you want him to tell you?

Could you forgive him doing the same to you?

Could you forgive him doing the same to you and lying about it till he was caught out?

I'm afraid I disagree with that entirely. Whether or not SHE could forgive him for doing the same. Or whether or not SHE could for give him for doing the same and lying about it has absolutely no bearing on whether or not HE can forgive her for doing this/ doing this and lying about it.

Karmafaerie

S23 wrote: »

I'm afraid I disagree with that entirely. Whether or not SHE could forgive him for doing the same. Or whether or not SHE could for give him for doing the same and lying about it has absolutely no bearing on whether or not HE can forgive her for doing this/ doing this and lying about it.

It's called putting yourself in the other persons shoes S23.
I'm not saying that the OP's partner would react the same way she would.
I was trying to point out to her that she can't be thiking about herself.
Accidental and mistaken as it may be, she was in the wrong, and she has to look at it from his standpoint.

Barracudaincork

S23 wrote: »

I'm afraid I disagree with that entirely. Whether or not SHE could forgive him for doing the same. Or whether or not SHE could for give him for doing the same and lying about it has absolutely no bearing on whether or not HE can forgive her for doing this/ doing this and lying about it.

Karmafaerie wrote: »

It's called putting yourself in the other persons shoes S23.
I'm not saying that the OP's partner would react the same way she would.
I was trying to point out to her that she can't be thiking about herself.
.

I agree with S23 and I got the same impression from your original post as S23 did, it wasnt clear you were saying what you have now said above.

S23

Yep I get what you are saying more now. Seeing it from his side won't be a hinderance. However, I don't think she need even do that though. Never mind the other persons perspective. She should be taking a long hard look at herself.

Look it's just about being honest. She can make whatever excuse for what she did. As can others on here. You can blame the lad in question for 'taking advanatage' you can blame it on the drink.

In the end she did something she shouldn't have (and she knows it) and now shes contemplating whether or not to be honest about it with her boyfriend.

Its all really clear cut to me. Kissing the other lad was a bad start, lying about it/hiding it would be a terribley immature and selfish thing to do IMO. Relationships should be about honesty. If it really is no big deal to him then he'll brush it off and move on.

Karmafaerie

I should have made it clearer I suppose, my bad.

I think the three of us are on fairly similar footing on the matter anyway.
A mistake's a mistake, but lying is a different situation.

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

I'm not going to tell you the RIGHT thing to do I'm going to tell you what I would do. I've never cheated on my bf by the way. I love him to bits and it sounds like you love you bf very much so I can imagine how worried you are. I wouldn't tell him unless there's a good chance he'll find out some other way. I know that if my bf cheated on me it would be a dealbreaker, no matter how much I love him I just wouldn't ever be able to trust him again. That's why I think I wouldn't tell him, in case it turns out that it's a dealbreaker for him too. Obviously life is hard at the minute for you. Surely the last thing you want to do is make it even harder. Unless you think he'll find out then I'd say nothing and learn your lesson to never get so drunk again.

Very best of luck,
Peg.

Micky Dolenz

Peggypeg wrote: »

Hey OP,

I'm not going to tell you the RIGHT thing to do I'm going to tell you what I would do. I've never cheated on my bf by the way. I love him to bits and it sounds like you love you bf very much so I can imagine how worried you are. I wouldn't tell him unless there's a good chance he'll find out some other way. I know that if my bf cheated on me it would be a dealbreaker, no matter how much I love him I just wouldn't ever be able to trust him again. That's why I think I wouldn't tell him, in case it turns out that it's a dealbreaker for him too. Obviously life is hard at the minute for you. Surely the last thing you want to do is make it even harder. Unless you think he'll find out then I'd say nothing and learn your lesson to never get so drunk again.

Very best of luck,
Peg.

Deal breaker? what kind of love is that, if you would throw it away after a druken kiss?

krudler

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

Deal breaker? what kind of love is that, if you would throw it away after a druken kiss?

I would, drunk or not its no excuse, how can you trust the person again after they've admitted to getting drunk and kissing someone else? every time the op is out with friends her bf(if she tells him) is pobably going to be worried sick about what might happen, been there done that myself.

Liam Byrne

sunflower27 wrote: »

Ah hon,

You have so much going on.... I understand your fear.

The guy you kissed... did anyone see you? Does he know youf bf?

I love the views that appear when it's female who cheats vs a male......

Having said that, as the song goes "you must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss"

Just three points if you do fly off the handle about it:

1) Don't get that drunk again
2) Remember this if he ever does likewise
3) If he ever does and he tells you, you'll feel really bad.....

kryogen

there are always going to be good aspects to telling him and not telling him

i personally, would not tell him and just suffer it on your own conscience

this is, as long as it can never get back to him

if there is a chance it will, then you are best just telling him the absolute truth

have it clear in your head before you start the talk so that you dont hesitate and give him reason to think you are lying or stalling

you have to be prepared for him to leave you if you do tell him, but he will more then likely come back after some thought imo

this doesnt sound like it has happened before and you telling him will assure him of that and that in a strange way, he can trust you!

horrible situation to be in OP

i have been in your shoes before, and i have never told.

suffering with my guilt was my punishment

if noone is to gain then sometimes, it is better to keep things to yourself you know

perfect world doesnt exist unfortunatly

krudler

Liam Byrne wrote: »

I love the views that appear when it's female who cheats vs a male......

Having said that, as the song goes "you must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss"

Just three points if you do fly off the handle about it:

1) Don't get that drunk again
2) Remember this if he ever does likewise
3) If he ever does and he tells you, you'll feel really bad.....

+1, its funny how people will tell a guy to just suck it up and accept being a cheating bastard,but a woman has to be mollycoddled and told that its not a big deal.

Tell him, and be prepared for if he dumps you which is what he's entitled to do

kraggy

tbh wrote: »

these threads are always really divisive, and there's a case to be made for either telling him or keeping silent.

so look. Give yourself a break. Don't tell him, unless you think there's a chance he could find out. If you're sure he'd never find out, swallow the guilt, learn your lesson and get on with your life. It sounds like you're due a bit of - if not luck, then at least a cessation of crap.

Be prepared tho, people on this thread will pass judgement, and because you're in pain at the moment, you'll take it all in in a way you wouldn't if you were just a reader.

My real advice is, don't beat yourself up, it happens, it doesn't have to change anything. Unsubscribe from this thread and get on with your life.

Brilliant post tbh.