Inner Monologue

LegacyUser

Hi,

Just wondering if anybody does/has done this before, and if so what have they done to change it.

Basically, I use my inner monolgue alot, in that....I run possible conversations with people through my head before they actually happen.

Now the issue. They always end up badly, in that I will always run the worst possible scenario in my head. I have noticed I will run arguements through my head instead of conversations, and on occasions I have actually gotten pretty angry and worked up over them.

This has 2 effects. Either I don't have the discsussion with the person I ran the monologue with, or if I do...I end up pushing the arguement and developing one for real.

This cant be normal, right?

Faith

I'm pretty sure that's completely normal. I certainly do it all the time. Now, granted, I sometimes have normal conversations with people in my head too, but often it happens when I'm angry and I have a huge fight with them. Then I get angrier with them. The shower is a great place to do it.

Recently, I had a fight with someone, and when describing it to friends, I said "I had one of those huge fights with them in my head, which just got me really worked up" and they all nodded in agreement. You're certainly not the only person who does that.

Denerick

An active inner monologue could be indicative of high end reasoning skills. Why do you think some of the best writers employ the inner monologue writing style?

seamus

No, this is very common, in fact I'd go as far to say that people who *don't* do this are rare.

The extent to which you do it can differ though. Certainly when I was younger, I used to go through almost every conversation in my head first. If I knew there was any kind of conversation I had to have (even down to ringing a company to ask for something), it would go over it in my head. Like you, they'd usually end up in the worst case scenario.

I can see now that this was a lack of confidence on my part - mentally psyching myself up "just in case". I did (and still do to a certain extent) suffer from brain blocks in face-to-face conversations and have difficulty coming up quickly with responses to even mundane questions. This was because I thought that every response had to make the other person think I wasn't boring. Ah teenagers. No way would I go back there.

However, now I do it purely to make sure that I have my bases covered in particular conversations. I go through the conversation from my side and their side, coming up with possible questions or critiques I may receive, so I can prepare myself.
I even do it after posting on boards - thinking about what potential responses to my post will be, and what my response to them will be.

I no longer do it when just ringing the cinema to book tickets.

kmick

I learned years ago its exhausting, paralysing and pointless to do this. Things rarely turn out worse in reality than the worst case scenario you come up with in your head. Next time you start doing this stop yourself, change the record and live in the now.

I know people who will run through every scenario in their head before they make a decision which makes them unable to make even the most simplest of decisions for weeks. Dont become one of those people. Trust your gut more.

krudler

Oh man I'm always doing that, especially with internalising problems with people like my flatmate or girlfriend, I tend to say what I want to say in my head first but sometimes just wind up working myself up over it, its good for some things but its stressful if you have an agrument with someone and continue that argument in your own head.

tenchi-fan

Hi
It sounds a bit like a depressive mindset. By thinking negatively the whole time you are stressing yourself out and imagining the worst outcome.

The amount of times, say I made a mistake at work or planned on asking for a day off but wasn't sure I'd get it... I'd have this huge argument played out in my head only for the other person to say "that's fine!"

Or with a certain family member I argue with regularly, every little thing leads to a full blown argument because I have so much ammunition ready to be fired!

Apparently too much caffeine can lead to this (makes you jittery), as well as alcohol (because when you're drinking you can't really control your thoughts and they can easily turn negative.) Some meditation or even just turning off the tv and writing in a journal can help get your thoughts sorted instead of needlessly turning them over in your head.

hollis12

Inner Thoughts wrote: »

Hi,

Just wondering if anybody does/has done this before, and if so what have they done to change it.

Basically, I use my inner monolgue alot, in that....I run possible conversations with people through my head before they actually happen.

Now the issue. They always end up badly, in that I will always run the worst possible scenario in my head. I have noticed I will run arguements through my head instead of conversations, and on occasions I have actually gotten pretty angry and worked up over them.

This has 2 effects. Either I don't have the discsussion with the person I ran the monologue with, or if I do...I end up pushing the arguement and developing one for real.

This cant be normal, right?

forget the word normal for the rest of your life and try and think of things in terms of whether they are beneficial for you or harmful to you.

now what your describing sounds like you are hard on yourself and have a internal negative critique (this is not a diagnosis or even a medical condition). people who have a strong negative critic are very hard on themselves and imagine the worst case scenario.

if you convince yourself your going to do badly at a certain thing or discussion or whatever then you probably will so it can help to try and change your thinking styles buy a book on cognitive behavioral therapy and read the principles of making your thinking more positive. (dont let the word therapy scare you its just a book on positive thinking ) .

Overheal

Inner Monologue is perfectly normal.

Its the Outter Monologue people you need to be wary of. Buzz buzz buzz... I've fequently caught my otherwise lucid grandmother saying things aloud like "Thats a nice tree" and "that man is trying to cross the road." - Listening to her pick out something to eat is a nightmare.

Taltos

Used to do this when I was younger - and then convinced myself I was weird so I stopped...

Now I just cannot do it - and boy do I miss it - when I really need to rehearse for my job or anything - well it does not happen. More often than not now - I hear myself come out with something before I am even aware of what I am about to say - this is defo not good...

I think you are lucky you can do this - envious in fact.
Might I suggest though that you instead train yourself to every so often have a cheerful outcome? The more you do this the easier it should get. - And here is the trick - while you are having the monologue - SMILE - this will trick your brain.

Once more - wish I could still do this for so many different reasons.

Remember - smile..