Advice Welcome

LegacyUser

Hey, I thought I would share with you guys to see if you can help me out a little, been checking other threads and have to say its a great forum.
Ok, me and my gf are both around 30, been together 14 months or so and live an hour apart so with work, we only seen eachother at the weekends and some midweek days, been away lots on weekends away and also a sun holiday in the summer, everything between us was so great, up until about a month ago, she says she just doesnt feel the same anymore and that she didnt love me no more, alot of stuff been getting to her at home and that she needs a new job, she is getting depressed too, more than usual and she is down. I really think that its the depression and she is trying to blank out the closest person to her. We were like best friends and lovers, it really was amazing. We talked about moving in together when the job is through but she said she realised its not what she wanted and she would like to live on her own, lives with parents at the mo)
So basically we been still seeing eachother most weekends but its not really the same, although we do hold hands and stuff she has gone off sex which she said herself is totally weird because our sex life was fantastic and she not sure what is wrong.
Thing is I am still deeply in love with her and I know somewhere in there she still loves me too. On previous experiences girls, do you fall back in love with someone and can depression turn you against the person closest?
Maybe I am being niave in thinking we can be happy together again, maybe I am just holding on to every little hope I can
I really think that she is the best thing to ever happen to me so thats why I wanna keep this alive and I know in my heart I can make her happy like I have been doing.
P>S we still txt and chat everyday although its usually me to start the thing going eachday, not every but most...
any advice is greatly appreciated and if you wanna know anymore just let me know...cheers

Kimia

How are you still together if she said she doesn't want to be with you and she doesn't love you anymore?

I'm sorry OP but it sounds like it's over.

pilgrim1

I know exactly what you're going through mate. I'm in a similar situation, except I've been married to the woman for 10 years, and have two kids (9&6). My wife recently told me that she just doesn't love me like she used to (last Saturday, so it's still very raw). I became clingy and needy, which is pushing her away even more. I hate myse;lf for being this way but can't help it. There's also alot of other sh*t going on between us (financial, lost our business and I'm about to lose my job).

My advice to you is not to give up on her if she's worth fighting for. Give her the space she needs and try to sort it out between you. It's not over until either of you decide it is. Be patient, understanding and reasonable about it. Maybe there's other stuff going on in her head that she doesn't feel able to talk to you about right now. But if you give it your best shot, and it still goes pear shaped, at least you can walk away safe with the fact you gave it your all. If you just walk away, you'll always be wondering. like any fight you have to take the odd punch no matter how hard it hurts. Tell her exactly how you feel. Don't give up.

Don't actually know who I'm trying to convince here, you or me. Buit best of luck and I hope you're able to find the old you she fell in love with in the first place.

pilgrim1

Man, the more I read your post, the more it sounds like me. Don't give up. Make her happy again. If you want to talk further, just let me know.

Cheers

LegacyUser

Thanks for taking the time to reply to me guys, appreciated.

Kimia, we have not broke up yet, she is just confused but has said on the phone that maybe it would be better if we didnt contact eachother for a while but i have been able to convince her that would not be the best and I dont wanna not have her in my life.

Pilgrim1, nice to meet you and thank you for sharing. I really feel for you on what your going through, especially when you have children in your family. Thats why I believe you will be able to work things out, you have a family worth fighting for and I know your wife will see that too, hopefully very soon.

I know myself I would love a family with my gf because I know she would be the perfect mother to our children and I would be so proud to have children with her.

I also know what you mean about the clingy stuff, hearing those things from her made me just wanna drive straight to her and hug her, I was constantly texting and sometimes it annoyed her and that killed me but like you said, I couldnt help it because I just want to feel loved by her again. She was my focus in life, still is. I do have a good job and am good at what I do but most of my thoughts involve her and if I think about doing something it will always involve her, I wanna experience stuff with her, share things. I am sure you know exactly how I feel.

You sound like a top fella and I would for sure like to chat again. I will create an account and send you a pm.

Thanks again for your help and advice guys...
cheers

Monkey61

OP I really feel for you, and this may sound a bit harsh, but I think it needs to be said.

This girl doesn't like you anymore. She has told you so. It has nothing to do with her being depressed or anything else - her feelings have changed. For your own sake and for hers, you have to respect that.

There is nothing that you can do to make her want you. It is so common to go with the whole "if only I can prove how happy I'd make her etc" but the thing is OP, she has been with you for over a year; that is long enough to know if someone has what you want in a relationship.

She wants out, but because of her being depressed and unsure of herself, she is (selfishly IMO, but I understand why) letting you cling on to her because she isn't strong enough to make the clean break herself. You have to be the one to do it.

Let her go. Live your life; don't contact her, don't be needy or clingy. Work on your own happiness and do all you can to improve yourself and your life. Maybe a couple of years down the line your paths might cross and you might fall in love again - but honestly, this probably won't happen and it won't matter because you will have met someone else who loves you as much as you love them.

Once the spark is gone, in my experience, it is gone - and all the frantic clinging to it in the world won't bring it back, it will only drive it further and further away.


As an afterthought, just saw the bit where you said that she is the focus of your life. That is where you went wrong OP, if you make someone the focus of your life, it is usually doomed to failure. That is an awful lot of pressure to put on someone else and is not the most attractive quality. There is nothing more attractive than a person with many passionate interests and hobbies and friends to keep them busy etc.