Advice needed please!

LegacyUser

Stuck with a problem, and need some advice from all you men out there! I was great friends with a man for a long time, I am under stress, and so is he. I am going through some personal issues that are upsetting me for a long time, and he was there listening and advising me how to fix it all. I made a decision on what to do and the person disagreed with it. They are currently going through alot of stress themselves as well. This person was very supportive, and nice to me, but because of my decision we are no longer talking (Nothing to do with him, anyone else, just me and my personal problem) I miss him alot though I have to say. The thing is, we got on well together, and I was attracted to him, and he said I was attractive as well a while ago. I felt there was a spark there between us. We haven't spoke in quite a while because I am in the process of sorting out my personal issues myself at the moment. I cannot figure out if it was solely because of my decision I made, or was he just under a whole load of stress himself, or maybe just couldn't stand me anymore because I was upset alot. I do not know what to do. Should I get my problem sorted out first then maybe see if he would speak to me again (Which could take a few weeks), or should I just forget the whole thing? I would really appreciate a males opinion on this, to see what you might think may be going on with him, or what I should do.Thanks

LegacyUser

Advice from the girls is helpful as well! tanx

S23

You've gone unregistered so theres no fear of anyone knowing who you are. Could you just fully explain what happend instead of vague allusions to your 'situation' and 'decision'.

If you just lay it out there and tell people what happend they will have a much easier time giving you genuine and straightforward advice

LegacyUser

Thanks for replying. Well I am going through a difficult time myself personally, and have a legal battle ahead of me. I am currently ill because of the entire thing, and because I am so ill, and upset about the situation I am in, he thinks I should not pursue it, due to the fact that I am so ill and upset. I do not know if he stopped talking to me because of that, or was it because he is under stress himself, or is it simply because he cannot stand me anymore because I am ill and upset alot, BUT not all the time. So, I really don't know what to do, only I miss the person alot, and hearing from them, and I don't know how to get him talking to me again

S23

Well I'll say this much if the person in question has stopped speaking to you because you chose to not take his advice on this then I wouldn't bother with them

First up its your decision to get involved in any kind of legal action. It clearly wasn't an easy decision or one you are taking lightly. This is clearly underlined by the fact that you are ill (with stress or worry presumably) about the whole thing.

When you are ill and under high stress is when your friends should rally to you and give you the support you need. Not do the opposite and disappear from your life.

However, to give him a break, did you ask for time and distance between you two? Maybe he's staying away because he's being TOO respectful of your boundaries. Or maybe his feelings were a little hurt because of you asking for space and a break away from contact with him?

I know its not always the easiest thing to do but the simplest way to find out what the story is with him is to bite the bullet and ring him up and be straight with him.

If you asked for space tell him you didn't mean to offend him and value his friendship and miss him etc... However, if he's fallen off the radar off his own volition then you're going to have to ask him why is he now avoiding you after all the years of friendship.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

Legal action v big decision. He has been really good friend though supportive, etc. No I never asked him to give me space or distance, he did that himself. He is no longer speaking to me, because of what I am about to do, due to the stress I am already under, and the stress of legal action, and believes that I am more or less running myself into the ground, and my health and life are more important. He is of course correct, but legal action is the only way to solve my current issue. Based on all of that he is no longer talking to me. Should I just give me space due to the fact that he is under alot of stress as well, and I don't want to add to his stress, and try amnd talk to him in a while, if so what should I do, what should I say? Tanx

S23

Look I'm sorry if I came across as flippant in writing this guy off. He obviously has been a good friend and you value his friendship and care about staying in contact with him a lot.

However, you say he cut contact with you of his own accord.

You also say he is no longer speaking to you because of what you are about to do.
You say this is legal action. And you yourself are sure its the only way to go forward.

This should be enough for him. He may disagree and think you are putting your personal life and health through some stress (and you may agree too!) but if this is THE ONLY WAY, as you have said it is, that you can solve your issue then he should respect that.

Turning away from you just because you are doing something he does not agree with is not a good sign. Its your life, your big decision and your future at stake. A true friend would respect that (even if they disagree) and be there for you through it.
The fact you made a big decision in YOUR LIFE, that he does not agree with is not enough reason for a true friend to turn away from you.

I know you value his friendship, you obviously don't want to lose it. And I am not saying that has to happen nessicarily. But just beware a little bit, I know its not what you want to hear but his guy may not be quite the friend you thought he was.

He might have his own 'big decision' to deal with but true friends lean on each other in these times rather than withdraw.

That said, have you tried talking to him directly about this yet?

LegacyUser

Have tried to talk to him, and told him it was my decision, and it was what I had to do myself to solve my current crisis. See he knows I have been in ill health for quite some time, due to the stress of whats currently going on, and has said based on that that I should not go ahead with legal action, because I am so ill at the moment. He said my life is more important, in spite of me telling him, I HAVE to do this. He is looking out for me as a friend that way, but is strogly apposed to legal action, because my health is in tatters. Most of my friends agree with what what I am going to do, there is one who disagree's because I am so ill as well, but he still remains one of my closet friends, but it just worried about me and my health. See this guy is under SEVERE stress at the moment, and I am not sure if that was a factor in leading him to decide not to talk to me again? Any idea how me and him could get talking again, would there be abything I could say or do to fix this? I really do miss him

mylittlepony

Does this legal action you are planing to do affect him?
Cos you say he stressed too?
Or it is something that invlove him or indirectly involve him , does he know who you taking action against hence this is why he is against it but using your illness as a cover up as the majority of your friends support you.

LegacyUser

mylittlepony wrote: »

Does this legal action you are planing to do affect him?
Cos you say he stressed too?
Or it is something that invlove him or indirectly involve him , does he know who you taking action against hence this is why he is against it but using your illness as a cover up as the majority of your friends support you.

No it dosn't involve him in anyway at all, just me. Based on what I have said here, and above, would anyone have any idea how I could get him to talk to me again, or what could I say to get him to talk to me again. Tanx