I'm don't know what's gonna' happen, I'm really afraid,

LegacyUser

My mom really does hate me, there isn't any *deep down* love she constantly informs me of how much she hates me on a regular basis and tells me how much better her life would be without me. Also she tells me to stop being a 'whiny bitch' and just kill myself.

Basically I'm fourteen and in Ireland you can get emancipated at sixteen, but I can't imagine anyway I could continue my education and have a part time job as well (On a child's wage... eek). Now she keeps telling me that the moment I become sixteen... I'm out and there's 'no ****ing way she's gonna deal with me til then'.

She talks to everyone she can and tells them what a horrible bastard / truant / idiot I am. All her friends (And my entire family) absolutely despise me entirely because of the lies she's told them. I can't even go to the school counselor because she's already called her and told her what a horrible child I am (She was trying to find a way to contact a psychiatrist, she's convinced I'm schizophrenic which is ridiculous) so I really have no one to talk to.

She's kinda beaten me up, she's pushed me on the ground and grabbed my throat while putting a pillow over her head, but normally she'll just throw something and me or whack me with something close (Five mins. ago it was a shoe) which I think it just to demoralize.

I have to admit, I do scream at her before episodes like this. She basically keeps taunting me (You're a stupid bastard, you have no idea how much I hate you, get a ****ing job you lazy c.unt .ect) until I finally blow then BAM! She can do whatever the hell she wants.

She drinks a considerable amount at nights (A bottle of wine, to one and a half) I dunno if this means she's an alchoholic but it makes her even crazier...

I don't think I have anywhere to go, my friends are nice to me but I can hardly stay at their houses (after all I'm only fourteen) and my entire family is in America but they hate me anyway, and my Dads dead so...

Does anyone have any advice? I really, really need it.

sadhbhc15

God Almighty :eek:
OP I feel for you so much - I went through something similar (although in a shrewder behind-closed-doors kind of way) right through my teens. Also in my case it was just my mother that had such a problem with me, I was lucky to have other family members to help me out. It was sooo painful though (and still is tbh), I really can't imagine how you're dealing with all this on your own. And at fourteen! You have a strength in you I never had. My advice would be, above all else, talk to someone. Believe me, the school counsellor would find it very strange for a mother to speak about her child in such a negative manner and is probably suspicious already. I would try talking to her for a start. Also, you mentioned your dad is dead and that your extended family is in America. Does that include family on your Dad's side? Could they help you out?
You have a bullying abusive mother, pure and simple . No amount of alcohol excuses that. You have been put in a horrible situation and you need to get out of it. People here might tell you to go to the gardaí (which would be justified) but is terrifying at such a young age and nearly impossible to do (from my experience anyway). Have you tried phoning the Samaritans or Childline?
You mention that sometimes you shout at your mother. Don't feel guilty for being pushed to the edge and cracking. This is 100% her fault, she's the adult.
God OP please please get some help in dealing with this. You're being abused. I really don't know what else to say except how much I admire your bravery and strength in living with this. Please take care.

Denerick

Ring childline and they will inform you of your rights and where you can go next.

Dudess

Inform a staff member at school whom you can trust - take no notice of the fact she phoned the counsellor. A professional counsellor is not going to pay heed to such venom. You are being abused and you don't have to put up with it. I'm raging here at your story - so sorry you're going through this...

cafecolour

As others have said, you are being abused. Contact childline and someone at your school.

Also, who told you that your mother phoned the counselor - your mother? Did you witness this? I wouldn't be surprised if she says stuff like this (even if not true) to try and scare you and limit your resources.

tenchi-fan

Hi
Anyone over 30 who drinks a bottle to a bottle-and-a-half of wine every night has a problem. Alcohol plays havoc with your head, even your mam doesn't appear to be hungover she definitely has a drinking problem.

My dad didn't have a drink problem but he'd probably get on really well with your mam in terms of blaming people for his problems and putting people down. He'd always say "you're on your own when you're x years old".. until I actually hit that age, then he'd make new rules.

So you definitely need to get away from the situation but I just don't know how.. sorry! You could always go into state care or a foster home, I know there's a guy who posts on here from time to time who's in a foster home but he doesn't exactly like it.

profitius

It is a bit of a nighmare when family members are stressing you out.

OP whenever your mother calls you something its not the words or actions of a sane person. Tell yourself that and spend time each day telling yourself positive things about yourself because all those names you're being called could have an effect.

LegacyUser

How bad is foster care as I'd have absolutely nowhere to go? I assume I'd have to switch schools and change town, which I could only imagine as horribly humiliating.

Also what about my brother? She absolutely dotes on him and he hates his father [My step father (Mom and him are divorced and I hate him even more then her)] so what would happen to him?

theg81der

Nothing would happen to your brother if he is not being abused he will be left with your mother. Foster care would be best for you (could things be worse?).

You seem like such an intelligent girl, the situation your in is so unfair. I can`t imagine a mother treating her child this way. Why do you think she treats you this way and not your brother?

JuliusCaesar

tell a teacher or your GP. Psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers are all well used to being told stories by family members in order to further their own (family member) agendas. If only they realised how transparant they are! But go see someone in authority NOW.

hitlersson666

IStartedThread wrote: »

How bad is foster care as I'd have absolutely nowhere to go? I assume I'd have to switch schools and change town, which I could only imagine as horribly humiliating.

Also what about my brother? She absolutely dotes on him and he hates his father [My step father (Mom and him are divorced and I hate him even more then her)] so what would happen to him?

Better that your current sitation but when your 16 you wont be able to leave as I only found out recently >.<

tenchi-fan

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

tell a teacher or your GP. .

sorry..... i disagree... i know you need to tell someone but Teachers? and GPs...... honestly even if they are willing to get involved they're not intelligent enough or motivated enough to make any impact.

This country just assumes immediate family are the best for kids and increasingly it's not true. We talking about immature, uneducated mothers who know no more about parenting than the man on the moon. They know about collecting benefits and sometimes after paying for booze, cigs, tattoos and takeaway they have money left over for kids' clothes and school books.

S23

I agree. Tell a teacher or a GP? That sounds very outdated and colloquial. Its very old time Ireland. All teachers and GP's are pillars of the community who will have their word taken and because they are so morally upright and just they will fight tooth and nail for you?

Sorry, thats total bull****. I know if I had been in this situation none of my teachers or my GP would have given a flying fcuk. Most people don't want to get involved in this when they have no direct link to the child involved.

I can only urge you to contact Samaratins, childline and all the people they put you on to. Honestly I know it must be hard to keep going but keep plugging away. You can get through this and you will

tenchi-fan

IStartedThread wrote: »

How bad is foster care as I'd have absolutely nowhere to go? I assume I'd have to switch schools and change town, which I could only imagine as horribly humiliating.

Also what about my brother? She absolutely dotes on him and he hates his father [My step father (Mom and him are divorced and I hate him even more then her)] so what would happen to him?

Hi op... just some advice... which is "f*ck it".... you don't need to worry about something being humiliating. What does it matter? Do whatever is best for you.

I think you should possibly try to live at home. Just make sure to have a lot of respect for yourself. Don't f*ck up .. just be the best you can be. Then when your mother is a bitch to you, you can hand on heart say you did your best. Then if your mam starts bitching about you, you can tell her that she is the one with the problem and not you.

At your age no one is perfect but you don't need undue criticism.

Lillylilly

OP, you should contact your local health office and ask to speak to the duty social worker. These people deal with issues of child protection, and from your description of what is happening at home (verbal and physical abuse, possible mental health issues, possible alcohol dependency), this is an issue of child protection. They will want to speak with your mother about the situation at home, but they are very experienced so will be able to tell if she is lying.

The view of Social Workers is that a child is best looked after in the natural family environment, so they will try their best to assist your mother in coping better with you. This may mean attending a therapist (for the whole family), or parenting workshops for her. There can be different family supports put in. She won't be made do this, but will be strongly encouraged, and if your family is known to the Social Work Department (which it will be after your initial phone call), you can always just phone for support or to report another outburst. Maybe you should even keep a note of the things she says/ does so that you can have a clear record for the social workers. They may assign a specific social worker for you, or one for your whole family. If they deem the relationship between you and your mother to be gone past the point of repair, they may look at placing you in a different home (foster or residential). They will only do this if there is an immediate danger to you if you stay in the house.

You seem like such a strong person, and appear to be really clued in around what's best for you. Don't accept the things she says to you. Talk to someone who can help!

Good luck.

LegacyUser

Can really associate with that OP.

I really love my mother, though, but sometimes we have communication issues, that lead me to believe that she doesn't really love me. I try my best to get my side of the story across, but it feels like she isn't listening most the time.

Mostly, though, this is due to me not fully understanding her, or her side of the story. This leads me to feeling abused, and consequently, a lack of love is felt in both directions. I sometimes lash out and get angry at her, and blame her for things she didn't do, because I feel so hurt and in pain. I really feel the need to be loved by her, and I do care about my mother very much, but sometimes we have our moments, they can be frustrating for both of us!

I still love my mother loads though, and at times, there are things she does, and stuff she says, that allow me to see, that she really does love me, despite everything she has done and said. Perhaps, you can say the same in your relationship.

My relationship with my mother has it's ups and downs, but I know deep down that she does love me, so I try to listen to her, and allow me to access her situation. Perhaps, if I listen close enough, I may be able to understand how she perceives me, and perhaps she is just worried about me, and frustrated because I don't listen to her, or don't understand her, and what she wants from me. This is just my feeling anyway.

Sometimes, though, I keep all the stuff she does and says, bottled up inside, without realising how toxic that can be on our relationship, and especially for my mental health and emotional wellbeing. This has happened in the past and has got me in a lot of trouble. Generally though, I try and discuss the things I feel with her, so I can understand her .. and perhaps she will understand me.. and how I feel about her and about me. The abuse and the alchohol seems very worring indeed!

A mother that telephones the counselor at school, seems to be very crazy person indeed. She seems very disconnected with reality, very emotional unstable to forbid her child from seeking help. Perhaps, it's your mother that needs some help?Have you tried talking to her in a mature way, to try and find out what her problem is with you?

Perhaps, a third party is needed, for some time, like a counselor to mend this relationship, and her issues with you, or bring clarity for both of you. I'm sure if you asked your mother to attend a counselor to resolve her issues with you, she may be compliant with your request. If not, then you can be sure the issue is not with you, but with her. In knowing that, you can say, you tried your best, and seek help elsewhere.

Otherwise, you feel like a very intelligent person, you're writing suggests you are well in tune with yourself, and with others, and have no problem in expressing your issues on a public board. In seeking help, perhaps, you could explain your situation from the point of view of your mother in addition to your own. Illustrate how worried you are about her and about your own wellbeing -- and perhaps you can get help for you aswell as her. This will demonstrate how mature you are, in considering both viewpoints, and that you have thought out the situation well, before approaching others and crying abuse. A diary of the events, noting what she says what she does, and the dates, as well as your feelings, could be useful too in keeping you in touch with what is happening, with you and her. A third party can then look at this and get some insight into the situation.

Otherwise, I hope you and your mother can repair this relationship, and if not get the necessary help for each other.

Good luck and lots of love,