Why am I still so lonely?

LegacyUser

as you can probably guess from the title im lonely. i have lots of very good friends. im single and do fancy someone but they dont fancy me. its my birthday today and i just checked my facebook and i have so many well wishers and friends but im still so lonely. i struggle to get out of bed each day but i manage, until today. i just dont want to get out of bed, whats the point. im just sick of being lonely and miserable and sad and feeling like this.

Lucyx

Hi Op

Its awful that you're feeling this way and it can be hard to pull yourself out of it. There is obviously something missing in your life so what is that? Did the happy birthday wishes not cheer you up at all?

LegacyUser

Lucyx wrote: »

Hi Op

Its awful that you're feeling this way and it can be hard to pull yourself out of it. There is obviously something missing in your life so what is that? Did the happy birthday wishes not cheer you up at all?

no they havnt cheered me up at all. iv never put much pass on birthdays so maybe thats why i dont take much pass on these things. you asked me what it missing in my life, this sounds really stupid but its love. i hate being single, iv never enjoyed it, when i was younger even i hated it but im now 27 and recently had my heart broken by someone i was crazy about. it just feels like im going to be alone forever. i always fall for the wrong person who doesnt feel the same way i do about them.

cafecolour

Well, you're in post-hearbreak depression, that's why you are lonely despite all your friends - because they're not that friend.

Well you fall for people who don't return your interest probably because you befriend people you are interested in and hang out with them all the time without telling them you are interested (maybe because you are afraid of losing the friendship if you tell them), and let it simmer and grow stronger until finally you tell them and they just think of you as friend.

If the above is the case, it's pretty simple. You make your move from the outset. You may still get rejected, which sucks, but much easier to deal with early on than when you've gotten yourself emotionally invested. And then it frees you up to try the next candidate instead of spending a year pining for someone and working up your courage to make a move.

Cunsiderthis

whyamilonely wrote: »

as you can probably guess from the title im lonely. i have lots of very good friends. im single and do fancy someone but they dont fancy me. its my birthday today and i just checked my facebook and i have so many well wishers and friends but im still so lonely. i struggle to get out of bed each day but i manage, until today. i just dont want to get out of bed, whats the point. im just sick of being lonely and miserable and sad and feeling like this.

I know this might sound a little trite, but maybe you might consider deleting your facebook page.

I found facebook quite invidious, from the faux camaderie to the pretend friends who just wanted me as a friend to increase their number of friends on the site, which they thought made them appear more popular.

I'd meet people who I didn't know, usually in a social setting, who get all excited and asked if they could be my friend on facebook. Then I was bombarded to be told that they had hatched an egg on that silly farm programme, or that they were "baking buns" or something. Why a stranger wanted to add me to their facebook only to let me know they were baking buns, or letting me know how they were doing on the farm game was never certain, but I had no interest in these pretend friends and nor had they in me.

I couldn't see the point of it myself so decided to quietly delete my profile and made a mental note to see my real friends more often rather than wasting time with pretend friends in cyberspace. And I have done and my life is so much the better for it.

LegacyUser

I normally don't post here but I felt compelled because you sound so like me, OP. Happy Birthday by the way, I hope you'll enjoy your next one more.

I'm sick of being single too, have been for a long time, but every time I fall for someone the timing is wrong or I pick someone who only ends up hurting me. This week I finally threw myself out there and told the guy I've liked on some level for the last 5 years, how I felt, only to be told that he's not able for a relationship right now and just wants to be single and have fun. Its like I never meet the right guy at the right time. At least now I know though, I'm glad I put myself out there and I agree with the earlier post about not letting yourself get into the friend zone, be clear from the outset if you like a guy.

My friends have all moved away in the past year to a different city for work reasons while I'm left behind with memories and a lot of free time to wallow. Even though they are still friends they are so busy and I just feel so removed from their lives. That definitely doesn't help, it exacerbates the desire to be in a couple.

I'm not trying to depress you, just to let you know that I have a lot of the same feelings. But I'm also trying my best to be optimistic. It is my honest belief that there will come a time when things change for the better in some way, you will finally fall for someone who will treat you right at the right time. I know it sucks to be single.

But someone gave me great advice lately, which I'm trying to take on board. If someone could see into your future and told you you'd meet your soulmate in 2012, but that you'd definitely not meet the right one between now and then, what would you do meanwhile? With the uncertainty gone, chances are you'd enjoy life more and not be so burdened with your hatred of single life. So why not try to act as if that's what will happen? If you manage to get yourself into a healthier, happier mindset, chances are you won't feel so lonely and that without as much pressure on yourself, you'll meet someone great when you least expect it. Best of luck!

bigbadbear

Well OP I hope it works out well in the end. Make sure you let us know. All i can say is get up out of bed and do things. I take it you have no job at the moment and I know the feeling of not being bothered to do anything. That's why memberships of clubs or ANYTHING that you could develop an interest in will be good for you. The more people you meet the more chance you have of meeting even more people. I can understand how you miss someone so badly when you got so used to them but as with everything in life we get used to the new situation eventually;) best of luck

katie99

It's all very well being told here that time heals, which it does.
And I am not sure about joining clubs etc when what you are looking for is your soulmate.

May I suggest that you talk to your sisters or brothers and tell them how you feel. Tell a trusted friend, not everyone. Ask them to involve you things they are doing.

Don't be alone. Go out for a walk this evening, it's a lovely evening. Are any of your friends meeting you tonight for a meal or even a drink? If not, then invite them, even at this late stage 5.15pm.

If they reject the idea then forget them, they are not your friends, merely acquaintences. Have you tried internet dating? There are websites and the fact of just meeting people from a site will perk you up.

I was dumped a month ago by someone I really liked and the heartache and unaswered questions are still there.

Don't throw yourself into a 'friendshhip' situation. If a guy says to you he likes you as a friend, tell him you have enough friends and would prefer him as a bf. If that doesn't suit, then drop him. It might bring him around to viewing you as a prospective gf.

I believe in the adage, if it is for you, it won't pass you by.

Bye the way, many happy returns. I would give you a big hug if I was standing or sitting beside you.

Best of luck,