Advice

LegacyUser

Im going to get slatted for this I know. Im married 2 kids, started a txt/chat relationship with a female. She lived about 100 miles away .never met her. 95% of txt/chat was normal stuff eg. hows things?, how did your weekend go?. I gave a false name to her told her I lived in Dublin. She was eager to meet, I said no. kept putting her off. Told her I was moving away to avoid meeting her, I know I should have stopped but she made me feel good in the way my wife couldnt just even the chats. I used a old sim card. Thing is she's wants to know who I really am, and where am I. Ive told her it ends now but the last txt I got was more or less "tell me who you are or else". And I get the feeling she'll report this to the guards, but is there grounds to do this? I was never abusitve to her, or her to me. Please dont slate me for this my mind is in turmol here and I know her's is messed aswell. Ive let down my wife and family. I feel such a fool at what ive done to put everything I have on the line.
I need to know what happens if she does report me, do the guards come to my house? How do I explain this to my wife, kids and family?
I was that bad yesterday I rang the Samaritians to talk to someone and it helped a bit.
Thanks for reading this

Trashbat

If she doesn't know who you are then how can the guards call to your house?

I presume you're reacting in this way because of feelings of guilt toward your family.

In this situation I wouldnt worry. Unless you were abusive in these text messages, or she can convince the Guards that you were harrassing her, they will just tell her its not a police matter.

It would be useless to advise you to come clean to your family, and i dont think you need anyone to talk to you about family trust issues or anything.

Basically this issue is causing anxiety. I suggest cutting contact, and disposing of the sim card. It might help if you offer an explanation and/or apology to the woman though.

StillWaters

You have treated both your wife and this woman appallingly. You need to make things right now, by apologising to the woman and breaking all contact, and exploring what is missing in your marriage and seeking to put that right.

BTW, I would take the woman's threat to mean she suspects you are married and is threatening to tell your wife, but if she has no clue who you are, this is obviously an empty threat. She is clearly feeling foolish and used.

mood

OP this woman made you feel good because you got a ego boost not because she is more suited to you than you wife / more attractive than your wife / or whatever. It's just vanity on you part.

I think you should put the energy into your marriage not chasing other women.

I agree that it is unlikely a situation where the guardi would get involved.

I am interested as to how you even ended up in contact with her!

LegacyUser

I have cut all contact with her Ive been instructed to, the only issue is that the sim was used in my phone which is registared to me. I have to state I was never abusive to her or her to me. Ive made a fool of my family, the girl and myself and it's cutting me up of the hurt and anguish it has caused for all parties.
Guilt, is the word of the moment alright, and the not knowing whats lies ahead. It's got to the stage were im thinking of what it would be like being apart from my family and that kills me.
Stillwaters I know Ive done wrong. Im not making excuses but Ive been trying to for the last number of yrs to have the happy times back in our marriage but hitting a dead end, as for counciling she wont go, but in some ways we are happy. And when this contact started to be honest it made me feel good, here was someone saying things to me and putting a smile on my face. I know my head ruled my heart and now im paying the price.

LegacyUser

Mood, I agree with you in everything. I was out in town one night drunk and stupid and was chatting to a girl and she gave me "her" number and taught nothing of it but it turned out it wasnt "hers" it was this girls. And it's not something I do pick up girls numbers just to let people know.

SarahSassy

This doesnt add up..

Where did you get her number from? You obviously have registered the phone details if you think the guards can get in touch with you via the old sim. Why is there a new sim?

You give the impression you think this 'just happened' but it seems very premeditated. I cant imagine someone would follow up with the guards if its all as simple as you say it is...

mood

SarahSassy wrote: »

This doesnt add up..

Where did you get her number from? You obviously have registered the phone details if you think the guards can get in touch with you via the old sim. Why is there a new sim?

You give the impression you think this 'just happened' but it seems very premeditated. I cant imagine someone would follow up with the guards if its all as simple as you say it is...

+1

tenchi-fan

Take the sim card out of the phone, burn it, and your problem with this woman will be sorted.

You might also consider some sort of marriage guidance or counselling. Your poor wife is running a household and bringing up 2 kids... all this other woman did for you was sent you silly texts. What sort of woman spends her time texting anyway? most women I know who work are too busy to spend their time tapping away on a mobile to a married man the other side of the country.

Just imagine how disappointed you'd actually be if you ever met her and found out she wasn't good-looking, interesting or attractive & that you don't have much in common with her at all. Do you really want to risk your family for that?

LegacyUser

Hi Ive been in your position, not nice. Theres not a lot you can do, just sit and wait. If you have the texts she sent hold on to them just incase you do need to show them to the Guards to prove your point. But from what your saying you have nothing to worry about. The only thing the guards would be intrested in is if you were abusive or threatening to her. Your going through a hard time, take one day at a time.

StillWaters

tenchi-fan wrote: »

What sort of woman spends her time texting anyway? most women I know who work are too busy to spend their time tapping away on a mobile to a married man the other side of the country.

I imagine the OP neglected to mention the fact he was married, and the woman therefore may have thought there was a possibility this could evolve into a real relationship.

LegacyUser

Stillwaters. Yes I neglected to tell her I was married, because I was getting an ego boost from her something I wasnt getting from my wife. Thats why I told the female I wouldnt meet her, hence I told her I was moving away to avoid meeting her, wrong I know.

Staycool. what happens next?

Im not here for an ear bashing, I know Ive done wrong with this female and my family. Im here looking for advice on the outcome.

Nevyn

Get rid of the sim card.
Spend more time with your wife away from the kids/house and take up a hobby/course soemthing to give yourself a sesne of achievement rather then stringing along women.
Oh and stay of dating sites as well.

Danniboo

suchafool wrote: »

Stillwaters. Yes I neglected to tell her I was married, because I was getting an ego boost from her something I wasnt getting from my wife. Thats why I told the female I wouldnt meet her, hence I told her I was moving away to avoid meeting her, wrong I know.

Staycool. what happens next?

Im not here for an ear bashing, I know Ive done wrong with this female and my family. Im here looking for advice on the outcome.

Probably because your wife was too busy raising your 2 kids and running a house to have time to give you an ego boost :rolleyes: