Ex demanding

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this.

Ok, Some of you will puzzle this as to why I am still 'friends' with my ex as we were many years together and although things didn't work out, we both decided to remain in contact, and are in somewhat regular communication.

However, tonight in the middle of a conversation, he was telling me how much he respected my daughter and then in the next breath he said, now see you....still no photos ...and I won't believe anything ...till I see it.

I was initially shocked because, that is exactly what he would say it to me as if we were still in a relationship, still together.

I had told him previously, that I would let him know when I had them uploaded and told him so tonight. Yet he is still pushing it.

Oh and they are just normal photos nothing weird

I do not think he has a right or place to demand things off of me as we are not in a relationship any more.

Is that right?

newmember2

What?

Trashbat

Hi OP,

It might help if you provide some context, or If you could explain the dialogue in a clearer manner.

It sounds like he was asking to see photos of you, but it is unclear what his motive was. you might be able to clarify.

mood

So he wanted pictures of your daughter! Strange and worrying.

Maybe I'm wrong here because your post is not worded/explained very well!

LegacyUser

OP here,

Firstly, he is not looking for photos of my daughter, who is incidently 20 years old.

Anyhow, you asked for some more info on this. Well, during the course of the relationship, I told him the odd white lie, and because of this, and a few other things, he ended the relationship but he wanted us to remain friends, and so we did. We have been in somewhat regular communication and have a laugh at things. He has since been dating other people and in the meantime, I have been sorting myself out as I do not want what happened with me and him to happen again. So I have been proactive in doing the do, so to speak.

As to the conversation we had that night, he had been very chatty with me, more so than before, and he was saying to say hello to my daughter and asked how she was getting on with her work and he told me that he respected her and that "now see you....still no photos ...and I won't believe anything ...till I see it".

I do not understand why he is demanding these things off of me, when we are not together/in a relationship. I have not seen him since last year and I doubt that I will see him again, to many memories.

But the thing I would like your opinion of is that, is he right to be this way with me, demanding photos to prove stuff to him, I mean after all he is not playing any major role or part in my life any more.

Chinafoot

Mercuryfalling wrote: »

"now see you....still no photos ...and I won't believe anything ...till I see it".

I don't see where he has "demanded" anything.

What did you lie to him about and what is it that you are changing that would be proven in the photographs? Is it your weight? You're still not being very clear so its hard to give any constructive advice.

At the moment it just seems like you're being overly sensitive and reading too much into his comment. If it is your weight (and I apologise if I'm way off here, I just don't know what else it could be) that you are trying to change then I would guess you're a little sensitive about it. This seems like a bit of an over-reaction.

Did this conversation take place online? If so, it can be very easy to misinterpret comments as you don't have the benefit of tone and body language to help convey the message.

I'd ignore it as it doesn't seem like he meant anything by it.

S23

Sorry you haven't provided much more context.

He broke up with you because you lied to him on a few occasions. Fair enough. You've kept in touch and seem to get on alright. Fair enough

but this

"now see you....still no photos ...and I won't believe anything ...till I see it"

Thats not a sentence. There is no context for any of it.

He didn't say 'I have lot of respect for your daughter. Now see you, still no photos, and I won't believe anything until I see it'

If he had the simple reply would be 'what photos are you talking about and what exactly won't you believe until you see it?'

Theres something you are leaving out here. I get the impression you are being selective about what you are including and what you are not.

However, no he really doesn't have a right to demand anything from you. However, if you are trying to lead him to believe something and claim to have photographic evidence of it then I can see why he says he 'won't believe it until he sees it'.

He didn't just randomly ask you for photos to prove a 'point' he didn't specify. If you want honest opinion on here you are going to need to give proper info

mood

I still can't make out what happened!

But I don't think he was demanding anything. And for the record he doesn't have a right to demand anything.

However, why are you staying friends because it's what HE wants? What do you want?

dellas1979

I THINK what she is trying to say is that she never told this guy she had a daughter...now, for some reason - even though they are broken up, he wants proof that she exists.

Is that it? Is there a prize for guessing

LegacyUser

OP here,

No there are no weight issues, he has always known my daughter existed. The lies were just about small things. When we broke up we both wanted to remain friends, it was a joint decision.

He has asked to see photos from me for a short while now and I told him I would tell him when I had uploaded them, but yet he is still asking me and I still remind him that I would tell him that I would let him know when I had them uploaded and said that I didn't think it was urgency or other.

As to the conversation I had with him, yes it was online. The part I forgot to include was after when he said he had a lot of respect for my daughter, he said "well I say what I see
and you know me on that count...and then he said "Now see you... still no photos...and I won't believe anything until I see it'

I am possibly reading a little bit more into it, but I do not think he has a place to ask/request things from me. We are not in a relationship any more for him to request/demand things from me.

Am I right to think this way? Is he wrong to ask them off of me?

Chinafoot

Ok, I'm still not getting what he has to see in order to believe. Was he possibly referring to the actual uploading of the pictures? As in "You still haven't put up the pictures, I don't think you're going to, you say you are, but I'll believe it when I see it." ?

Look, if you don't want him to ask about the pictures simply tell him to stop. If someone told me they were uploading pictures and they hadn't done it by the time I was next talking to them I'd probably mention it. I don't think it would be taken as a demand so I'm not sure why you're having such a strong reaction.

Simply, either upload the pics or tell him to stop asking you. Its really not a big deal and I definitely think you're overreacting.

littlefriend

I don't really know what you are talking about.

What are the photos of? Is it something like, for example, you said you climbed Mt Everest and he said he wouldn't believe it until he saw photos of it?

If it is that I can see where he is coming from. If you have lied to him in the past he is naturally going to question things you say. You have to earn his trust. If you don't want to do that then don't be friends with him.

I went out with a guy who lied to me all the time about big and small things. He still contacts me a good bit. I don't believe anythin he says which I tell him all the time. He has lied to me about so many ludicrous things that there were no need to lie about that I don't believe anything he tells me unless I witness the events he is talking about.

dellas1979

Ok, ok, but what has your daughter got to do with uploading pictures?

I am not surprised he is a little confused. You type the same way you talk...as in you type as if you are talking...nothing wrong with that at all, but its just that it gets a little confusing when someone else is reading.

AnonoBoy

I'm sorry OP but I cannot understand what he asked of you.

What pictures is he talking about? What won't he believe until he sees them? How does your daughter come into this?

krudler

op , no offence but thats a baffling post, I've read that sentence about a dozen times and it makes literally no sense, so for us dullards, what exactly is he asking you? to upload pics of a your daughter? or you?

S23

Going out on a limb here (not intentionally trying to break any rules for the record in regard to being offensive to the OP) but i think I have it worked out.

I reckon the OP lied to her ex multiple times. He broke up with her with due cause. Then he managed to maintain a civil relationship with the OP.
The OP didn't want the realtionship to end however. She says he broke up with her over 'little white lies'. Probably not the case.

Now shes clutching at straws pointing to bad or inappropriate behaviour from the ex to try and find some kind of 'equaliser' or 'leveller'. When he doesn't seem to have done anything comprehensible to warrant such an accusation.

Thats the best I can work out of the muddle I have read in the OP's posts.

LegacyUser

OP here,

He is asking for photos of me and not my daughter. He is also looking for photos of my last holiday. I never told him I would give them to him, he said he wanted to see them.

S23 as to the lying part, NO I did not lie to him multiple times. The reason we split was over a number of things, including my phobia, which I had at the time and also that we didn't get enough chance to see one another often. When we split, we both decided we wanted to stay friends and have been since.

This is the first time he has asked to see the photos, but I have other friends, and they do not look to see them.

He is my ex and all I wanted to know is, has he the right to ask to see the photos?

Nevyn

He has no right to anything from you, he can ask to see photos you have mention but why on earth he wants to is something else.

Did yu brg to him about going on holidays somewhere and he doesn't beleive you went and said wellwhere are the photos?

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote: »

He has no right to anything from you, he can ask to see photos you have mention but why on earth he wants to is something else.

Did yu brg to him about going on holidays somewhere and he doesn't beleive you went and said wellwhere are the photos?

OP again,

No, he knew I was over and that I was having a nice holiday, we even chatted on the phone whilst I was over and never asked for any photos till much later. He seems to have a thing about photos. For example, he told me the last time we chatted that he was going to learn to snowboard and ski and he said he would take photos. I didn't ask for any photos, he only said he would take photos, so I am assuming he is going to send them to me. Not that I want to see them. He can do what he likes. I don't ask for anything from him, as I have no right to now.

Just that the way he asked for my photos, didn't seem right. It was almost like back in the time when we were in a relationship, then I didn't mind sending him anything. But now it is different and I feel he has put a strain on the friendship by saying what he said, cos I do not have to prove anything to him. I have other friends, and they do not ask to see them.

Nevyn

Then don't send him the photos if you dont' feel comfortable.

EPM

Thaedydal wrote: »

Then don't send him the photos if you dont' feel comfortable.

+1

I really can't see the issue here OP. You seem to be making a problem out of nothing. If you don't want to share your photos then dont!

krudler

Just tell him to fcuk off tbh, its none of his business, problem solved.

newmember2

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
He, as a friend, is perfectly within 'his right' to ask to see your photos, and you, as his friend, are perfectly within 'your rights' to either show him the photos or not - whichever way you feel.

Your original question is a little confusing - did you think you were obliged or compelled to show this man your photos?
It sounds like you are insecure and unsure how to relate to this person.

Mercuryfalling wrote: »

...he said, now see you....still no photos ...and I won't believe anything ...till I see it...

What is it that he will not believe unless he sees these photos?

fairycakes

hi op sorry but your post is very stange wouldnt it just be easier if you just talked to your ex instead of wasting your time on here

S23

Mercuryfalling wrote: »

OP here,

Well, during the course of the relationship, I told him the odd white lie, and because of this, and a few other things, he ended the relationship

Mercuryfalling wrote: »

S23 as to the lying part, NO I did not lie to him multiple times. The reason we split was over a number of things, including my phobia,

Sorry OP you have said to many conflicting thing in the course of this post. There are too many holes and gaps in the posts you have made to be able to give you a fully informed answer.

Can he demand anything of you? No, he can't and well you know it.
Did he demand anything of you? Doesn't sound to me like he did. It sounds to me, like many other posters here, that this is something out of nothing.

Unless you want to fill in all the blanks and actually articulate what happend and what bothered you so much in a full and honest way nobody here is going to be able to give you an honest appraisal

mood

newmember? wrote: »

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
He, as a friend, is perfectly within 'his right' to ask to see your photos, and you, as his friend, are perfectly within 'your rights' to either show him the photos or not - whichever way you feel.

Your original question is a little confusing - did you think you were obliged or compelled to show this man your photos?
It sounds like you are insecure and unsure how to relate to this person.




What is it that he will not believe unless he sees these photos?

+1