Completely Stuck/ Can't Break Away

LegacyUser

So my ex broke up with me last year because 'he didn't feel the same way' however he still rang and texted me a lot and we met up for drinks etc. After a few months I couldn't take the pain of seeing him anymore and still loving him so I stopped all contact. Then a few months after that I contacted him and we started meeting up again. I still felt the same way about him so of course this was just as painful as before but I kept it up for a few months and then stopped contact again.

So then what happened....I contacted him again and i saw him for the first time in a few months last week. When we were in contact the last time I did try to stop it a few times but then he'd contact me or call to my home and I wasn't strong enough to stop myself from responding.

I seem to be in a cycle of seeing him, feeling bad, stopping contact but then seeing him again. If there was no interest on his side then i think the humiliation of that would surely stop me. but he always responds when i contact him and wants to see me too but doesn't want a relationship.

I don't know how to break away from him at this stage. I've always been a strong confident person but not now as i love him so much. I feel like i need to do something drastic to get past this. I feel totally stuck and never dreamt that I'd still love him at this stage. I also live near his home and job and was even thinking of moving to the other side of Dublin to start afresh. i don't know anymore. I've tried no contact twice and failed so pls tell me whats next. The fact that hes still willing to meet me is what screws me up.

LegacyUser

hi limbo-land. dont mean to hijack the thread but im in completely the same situation except im a guy. my heads working overtime wondering what ifs and maybes. my ex is very keen to see me despite she being the one who ended it. she knows im still mad about her. i think ultimately we must listen to our heads and cut contact. we know deep down its the thing to do

Jessiegirl

So you tried no-contact twice and failed.
Well you know what....you're going to have to try it again or you will be a permanent yo yo over this guy.

The minute the urge comes to you to contact him do something else. Run out of the house if you have to!
Keep your life busy and focus on other things in the meantime.

merlie

So you are in love with him and he is not with you! It would seem that you are caught up in a cycle of confusion and although you or he instigates meetings etc., at the end of the day it is all pointless.

The fact that he is always willing to meet up with you, shows that he thinks you are easy. As you say you meet up for drinks etc..meaning you are giving him exactly what he wants without feeling emotion for you and without being in a relationship, that is why he knows when you ring him, that he will get his dessert!

You do not need to be doing this to yourself, he is someone who does not love you nor wants to be in a relationship with you. You deserve better then this.

You need to take time away. Go and get yourself a new hobby, join a club or something. Meet new people and make new friends.

LegacyUser

limbo-land im finding it extremely difficult also. we too broke up last year and for a couple of months i thought i was on the road to recovery but lately iv been very down. for these months i too was holding on to hope she might turn around and want me back. i think the realisation has hit that she doesn't.

it hurts but the best advice i can give (and i should really listen to myself on this one) is to distract yourself. if you must chat to your ex then chat, for example if he instigates it or if you're in a group of friends, then chat with no expectations.

friends keep telling me to ignore my ex when she opens up a convo or whatnot but im not that kind of person, im polite and don't like to create drama. so i totally understand why you might chat back to him in this respect. part of me questions why she does it but i think its stupid to read into it anymore. she sees me as a friend and nothing more unfortunately.

keep well limbo-land