Forget about her, or find out what happened?

LegacyUser

Hey,

There's this girl I fancied for quite a few weeks. We were txting for a good bit and we ended up kissing on a few different occasions on nights out etc with a few friends of ours. I eventually gathered the courage to ask her out on a proper date afterwards, and that ended up going very well, as good as I ever hoped. We went out once more after that and I really thought everything was going perfectly.

But after a while I started taking hints that she wasn't interested anymore. These ranged from not answering any of my txts, to acting very cold around me, and then she started canceling dates on me at the last minute. We tried to meet up 3 different times over the last 2 weeks, and each time she bailed on me at the last minute for a variety of reasons (I should say though that she organised one of those dates herself, so it's not as much I've been the one chasing after her all the time)

Eventually after she made up another reason for not being able to meet up last weekend, I just gave up. I was kind of dismissive towards her after that, and I haven't heard from her in nearly a week at this stage. This last week has just been spent trying to forget about her and begin moving on, but you can tell from the fact I'm even typing this that it hasn't been going well!

The one thing I want to know though is why the sudden change of heart from her, and why all the mixed signals. Like I said up to a few weeks ago she seemed just as interested as I was, even after the first few times she bailed on me she was still txting me quite a lot every day, so I just can't understand what happened with her.

I originally decided I wasn't going to bother asking why she was acting this way, and thought at the time that if I just leave her be i'll either a) hear back from her eventually, or b) just forget about her in time. But now it's been a week, and even though I promised I wouldn't talk to her unless she talked to me first, a part of me is really thinking I just sort it out once and for all.

The reason I'm thinking of asking her what happened is that it should help with getting over her, because for the past week most of it has been spent wondering why she acted in such a way and what I did to make her change her mind so suddenly. Of course there's always the 1% of me that likes to think she's been playing hard to get and she's still interested (as farfetched as that sounds to me right now)....But of course there's another part of me that thinks just getting back to txting her, even if it's just for a minute or two, will send me back to square one. So should I put my mind at ease and find out what was her problem, or will I grind it out and continue on not knowing what really happened?

LittleBook

whatodoo wrote: »

after a while I started taking hints that she wasn't interested anymore. These ranged from not answering any of my txts, to acting very cold around me, and then she started canceling dates on me at the last minute. We tried to meet up 3 different times over the last 2 weeks, and each time she bailed on me at the last minute for a variety of reasons ... Eventually after she made up another reason for not being able to meet up last weekend, I just gave up ... I haven't heard from her in nearly a week at this stage.

... for the past week most of it has been spent wondering why she acted in such a way and what I did to make her change her mind so suddenly ...

So should I put my mind at ease and find out what was her problem, or will I grind it out and continue on not knowing what really happened?

Ah closure. So little to ask but sadly not always given.

I'm sorry OP but I think you know what happened. If you honestly believe that talking to her, insisting she explain why she's changed towards you would help you then by all means go ahead. But in my experience the kind of people who treat other people this way couldn't care less about what closure you might need and you're most likely setting yourself up for more pain.

Accept it, move on.

Tchaikovsky

She's probably met someone else- leave them to it.
I've been in that situation before and chasing up for closure isn't going to cover you in any glory.
She's a waste of your precious time- go find someone worthy of it.

legend365

Forget her.

Simple as.

Dating shouldn't be hard work.

unclecessna

Look at it this way OP - it would have taken maybe 20 seconds out of her life to just have texted you something like '' hey, ...insert explanation...sorry things couldn't work out, best of luck'' .....and she didn't even do that.

The girl didn't do so because she is only thinking of herself and not you - in other words she's selfish. Don't waste your time trying to get her to give you a response that she should have given you already without prompting.

LegacyUser

Thanks people, these are probably the answers I needed to here. I've had other people try to make me realise how badly she went about the whole thing as well, so that's been helping me come around to the fact she's not worth the hassle. A part of me was thinking one of the reasons I want to talk to her again might just be to get angry at her, and make her realise how crap she treated me, but I'm guessing everyone will tell me that'll be a bad idea too.

We're not exactly going to be strangers in the future though, I bump into her most days of the week because of what we do and I know things could get a bit awkward. I've got a feeling most people will tell me to act as if the last 2-3 months never happened and just treat her like any normal friend next time I see her, but again there's still a little part of me that really wants to give her the cold shoulder and make her realise how annoyed I am at her for the way she went about everything. Am I right in thinking that'll just be childish and immature?

kryogen

its only been a week, a week is a very small amount of time in the greater scheme of things

so for now, stick to what your doing, fill your days and try not to think about her, definitely dont get in touch

if you are still having pangs after, say, 3 months, i would be surprised to say the least

it doesnt sound like you got emotionally involved on any real level with the girl so its simply closure you are looking for.

if she has just gone cold as you say, and if she was someone worth your time, she would have given you an explanation

just put it down to life experience and forget her, will get easier every week, so easy you will wonder what made you get so hung up in the first place!

had a long term relationship end before, the pain of missing her took so long to go away i thought it never would, then one day it was less, then less and less till there no pain anymore, then the funniest thing happened, i missed the pain!

it was sad to me to think that she was completely out of my system, big part of my growing experience

so for a relationship that only lasted a few dates it really shouldnt take too long to get out of your system

unclecessna

The best way to deal with situations where you have to come across the person again is to just be indifferent towards them OP. If you give her the cold-shoulder or go spare at her you will be seen as bitter. If you act friendly towards her she may string you along to keep you on-side but nothing more or perhaps even just ignore you further.

Be the bigger person and show that the situation has not phased you, only talk to her if she starts the conversation and even then just be non-committal.