Open relationship?

LegacyUser

I was wondering if this has worked for anyone? I have never had an open relationship but my current BF and I are seriously considering the idea. I love him but still have the desire to sleep with other men, and vice versa. Since the beginning of our relationship, we've always enjoyed talking about our past sexual exploits, both in and out of bed. He's slept with a lot of women but rather than feeling jealous, I usually wish he'd been with even more. I've had my fair share of guys but he also wishes I'd been with more. We've tested the waters recently - I scored/groped a guy at a nightclub in front of him and he did the same the next weekend which led to him going back to hers and messing around. When he came home, I actually felt disappointed that he hadn't had sex with her (she was begging him to but he hadn't OK'ed it with me). Would it ruin our relationship to have an open one?

daisybelle2008

Unregistered wrote: »

I was wondering if this has worked for anyone? I have never had an open relationship but my current BF and I are seriously considering the idea. I love him but still have the desire to sleep with other men, and vice versa. Since the beginning of our relationship, we've always enjoyed talking about our past sexual exploits, both in and out of bed. He's slept with a lot of women but rather than feeling jealous, I usually wish he'd been with even more. I've had my fair share of guys but he also wishes I'd been with more. We've tested the waters recently - I scored/groped a guy at a nightclub in front of him and he did the same the next weekend which led to him going back to hers and messing around. When he came home, I actually felt disappointed that he hadn't had sex with her (she was begging him to but he hadn't OK'ed it with me). Would it ruin our relationship to have an open one?

Well you seem to have tested the waters enough to know that jealousy does not seem to be a factor. Is there another reason why do you think it would ruin your relationship?

ravima

If ya want to stay together, then DONT do it.

Nevyn

For some couples it works and for other it doesn't.
I woud suggest making a long list of the pro and cons, both for yourself and then as a couple. Trust and clear communication are what make realtionship work and that applies doubley so in an open relationship.

mobilecore

You say the reason why you want to be in an open relationship is you and your partners desires to sleep with others seems to stem from the idea of being turned on by knowing each other slept with someone else. This is the most common reason to why couples become "open" or "swing" ... or it could be your desire to want to sleep with more before properly setting down. but from the sounds of it how you wish he had sex with that girl. sounds like sexual pleasue from knowing your partner was without another.

No-one can tell you now if its for you or not. But be wary. By taking this course there is a good chance you will destroy things. So if you do decide to go through with this know the risks.

What happens with alot of couples once they say "open relationship" its doomed right there. There is no future. Even if both parties are comfortable with it at the start. Most common issue is it tears them apart. With others that accept and be comfortable with it, it changes things.

Thats my two cents



As for my own personal view on it. Would you really be comfortable with another one pleasing your man? you say you love him. Take away the sexual pleasure you feel you might get from this. Is that something you could handle? Where do you see the relationship going forward from this?

I think anyone who wants to be in an open relationship doesnt really see themselves ready to commit to a serious relationship or with a specfic person. I find most people that might say love mean "i love them right now" kind of thing. In my eyes, it seems like "I want to keep what I have right now, but i want to also have my cake" - again. thats my view.
People would want to sleep with others is because they are not be ready / or dont want to be in a serious relationship where it is just sex with your partner. Like most things in life there is a reason for the action.
But none the less, this is my view. Just because its something I could not do and could not accept my partner wanting that. I understand everyone is different. So Op, just know the risks

Miss Fluff

Have you dipped your toe into the swinging scene? It might be a good place to test the water before giving each other carte blanche to have an open relationship. At least with swinging you can go to an event or arrange a hook-up and agree how far you are both comfortable to go with other people, and have each other watch if that's what turns you on too.

If you decide to have an open relationship then you need to think very very carefully about it. Any couple I know who've had an open relationship it has ended in disaster. That's not to say they can't work, I think they probably can, but only when perameters have been discussed with a fine toothcomb.

LegacyUser

Don't mind the naysayers who claim that you can't love your partner if you are sexually stimulated by the idea of having sex with others/letting him have sex with others.

For some this is just another form of sexual desire and expression.

I was in an open relationship for a while. It was fantastic. I would get so turned on knowing he was having sex with others. Though I prefer to watch as it turns me on more. It ended for reasons totally unrelated to this.

So if you know that you don't have jealousy issues and both of you are on the same page then sit down and have a frank discussion about boundaries.

Good luck and enjoy!

LegacyUser

I was in an open relationship for 6 years. Worked great. Than in another for 3 years. Great as well. But different "rules" in each of them, since of course they were different ppl. BF #1 we would never even hint the affairs. The deal was do whatever you want, but I would prefer not to know. BF #2 we would share all the details of our affairs and it was actually exciting.
Probably main reason why it worked out was that we *always* made sure the other knew they were number 1. As long as you and your partner know that, you feel much less afraid/threatened by the "affairs"

LegacyUser

Hey if your both comfortable with it go for it but just make sure to be well protected cause of the whole catching std/sti's thing

MissHoneyBun

Go for it. If it works for you and him then ain't nobody else's business!

profitius

OP, are you sure you're not a sex addict?

For me open relationships are not real relationships.