Boy/friend?

LegacyUser

I'm in a very confusing situation, some advice appreciated...

I met this guy through a friend about 7months ago, I was with someone at the time although the relationship was coming to an end.Early on after meeting, on one drunken night out, we ended up kissing. I was a bit mortified,for one thing he's quite a bit younger than me but also just mortified in general.But strangely,once I got over this,he and I became friends in our own right,separate from the mutual friend.We never bothered talking about what happened.I finished with the person I was with and from then on this guy would look after me in ways.Bringing me shopping, picking things up for me always offering to do stuff for me.When he'd drop me off we'd sit in his car for hours talking about everything.And laughing non stop.

I had feelings for him of sorts and I knew he had feelings for me. But I was never quite sure if they were romantic on either side.I never acted on it,they weren't hugely overpowering or anything so we continued with our coffees and chats.At some point,things moved on to drinks and I guess I was bouncing back after my breakup so we were comfortable enough to flirt.I kind of felt that he was mad about me in a platonic way but was confused because I'm female!And I think I was a bit as well to be honest. But things all went pearshaped when we started going out more socially(in a group usually).He got annoyed with me flirting with someone one night.Then we kind of admitted these feelings of sorts. I had a problem with admitting to other people that something might happen with us though,because he's younger and also our mutual friend,my own awkwardness,I know.But this upset him too.Then I decided to let go of my hangups and really go for it but when I did this it seemed to make him pull back,as if he was only happy to know that he had me now!I know he's PETRIFIED of making himself vulnerable or giving someone else his power in any way but I don't know if this is why he would behave like this.He'll just suddenly stop ringing for a few days and if I say whats wrong he acts as if we don't have this close relationship and Im reading into it too much. But then he'll turn up with flowers and looking for chats and all.Which I'm fine with and it's all great until someone else shows an interest in me.Then he goes moody and slinks off again.I'm pretty sure he keeps his options open with girls himself,it's not as though he's putting in all the work with me and getting nothing from anyone!

To cut a long story short,we've been back and forwarding with this kind of messing since Christmas. Its all very hot and cold. I'm just wondering if anyone has had this experience or something similiar. I just want him in my life.I love him not necessarily as a boyfriend. I wouldn't rule it out though,I haven't had a proper chance to explore that idea. We've only ever kissed,no sex. But when he's being cold to me,it breaks my heart. I've lots of male friends but I've never had this weird dynamic with anyone,even ones I've been with.Any ideas welcomed.

ash23

My opinion of the situation (having been in a similar one)

You were looking to feel attractive and wanted, you were drunk. So you kissed him. He likes you but truthfully you don't like him in that way. You're embarassed of him, his age, possibly his looks. Basically he isn't the type of person you would proudly introduce as your boyfriend.

But you like the attention he gives you, the fact that he is mad about you and treats you like a princess.
And eventually you have to sh1t or get off the pot because you can't keep stringing him along.

But he knows you're not really into him and he knows that he runs the risk of being badly hurt by you as you don't feel like he is good enough for you.


In my case, I got with the guy. I was in a needy and vunerable place and he made me feel better. I was with him for years but it was never a great relationship. It was fine but nothing overwhelming. I was settling and he knew it.
He eventually left me for someone else. And I don't blame him in some ways. She's proud to be with him, introduces him to her friends, has pictures of them up on facebook etc.
She isn't ashamed of him. I was.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Kinda sounds like he likes the idea of you liking him. Also that he's not entirely comfortable with the age thing.

Should try and get a straight talking conversation with him