Girlfriend said someone elses name during drunk sex

LegacyUser

So yeah like 2 months ago, we got really pissed to put it lightly. I only remember segments of the actual intercourse. I think, she remembers pretty much everything from it. So anyway yeah.. She ends up saying "oh John" my name isn't John btw. So I just think oh she didn't say that.

John is her sisters soon to be husband who helped her through a rough time like a year ago. They've got a lot in common, always talking to each other and stuff. John lives far away from her so they dont really see each other that often. It's starting to wreck my head now. I've got a text drafted up that I'm probably gonna send this week. So just wondering what everyone else thinks about the situation? I don't know, I mean before we started going out John spoke highly of me saying I seem like a good guy. So HELP MEEEEEEEEE.

LegacyUser

hello op,

So this text you've got drafted up, are you going to send this to your gf??

Why not sit down and talk to her face to face, like adults do?

A text, especially one about something sensitive like sex, is very easily interpreted wrongly, which might just add to the problems. Honestly, proper open communication such as face to face is the way to go in situations like this.

I hate to say this op, but if you think it's ok to talk about serious issues with your gf over text then you might have bigger problems than her calling the wrong name during sex.

vicecreamsundae

if you were really that drunk then i don't know if it's fair to hold her accountable for saying another name...people say all sorts of nonsense when pissed. i can see why it would annoy you but that doesn't mean you should go reading into it and taking it so personally.

if you sincerely have a suspicion that something happened between her and john, that's a different story. how long have you been with her? was the tough time john helped her through during your relationship, or before? if it was during you're relationship and the idea that she cheated is really bothering you then maybe bring it up. if it was before you came along then i suggest you don't. if something happened between them while he was seeing her sister, then she probably regrets it and feels guilty and afraid of her sister finding out. or maybe the sister knows and the three of them have dealt with it but just don't want to talk about it anymore. either way i would say it's none of your business and not your place to bring up sexual history/mistakes from before your r'ship.

if everything is going fine, and her and john have given you no other reason to worry apart from her saying a name in bed that is super common and belong to anyone -an old boyfriend, a tv character from that day , anyone -then it looks like you are just looking to create drama where there does not need to be any.
you know she was pissed, so i'd advise you not to read into it.

Taltos

Erase that text right now - do you have any idea how easy it is to mis-read / mis-interpret a text?

Look - have a talk with her and ask her straight out what the story is.
You never know it might be something totally innocent. Who knows maybe she was just fantasising - not ideal I know - but do you really want to risk the relationship on what might have been her imaginings? Even if it was the same John???

Talk to her - explain how you feel. Don't demand an explanation - but ask her to help you understand...

shoes34

Totally agree with Taltos, delete the text and it also happened two months ago, why didn't you bring it up then with her.

Also if you were really pissed are you 100% sure she said John?

Hope it all works out, but don't send the text.

sam34

whatever you do, dont do it by text

ilovetosing

Taltos wrote: »

Erase that text right now - do you have any idea how easy it is to mis-read / mis-interpret a text?

Look - have a talk with her and ask her straight out what the story is.
You never know it might be something totally innocent. Who knows maybe she was just fantasising - not ideal I know - but do you really want to risk the relationship on what might have been her imaginings? Even if it was the same John???

Talk to her - explain how you feel. Don't demand an explanation - but ask her to help you understand...

This advice is spot on and fair play taltos. There is one massive drawback tho IMO. If she like u says might have been fantasising about him or another John who knows isn't the relationship in doubt already? My opinion on this is when your with someone you love in bed no matter how pissed you are you don't make that mistake and fantasising about another man would tell me all I would need to know to determine that there is something clearly wrong in the relationship or more specifically in the bedroom. And this is coming from a man. I'd be worried myself if I fantasised about other women when pleasing my GF!

You need to confront her in person not text. My main bit of advice is just don't be naive weigh up everything.

Sorry if I am coming across harsh!

Blisterman

There was a similar thread here last week, with the other side's point of view.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055852721

Worth looking at. He maintains that it was a meaningless slip up.

Edit: Also John's about as common a name as you can get. Are you sure that's the John she meant?

krudler

People say crazy stuff during sex, especially drunk sex,you were pissed yourself so how do you even 100% know she said it? she could have said "oh god" and slurred her words, dont do anything by text, thats the way 15 year olds sort out relationship problems