stuck between rock and hard place

LegacyUser

Hi,

regular boardsie going unreg

bascially I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Been living in same city for nearly 10 years, came here as a student, ended up working so stayed on. Have been living in the same house for nearly six years.

Was made redundant beginning of last summer, got on dole, since then feel like I've been on downward spiral. Other housemates are still working. I've been wanting to move out for over a year now, to live my own life and get out of old habits from last work and the sameness of routine that housemates have, but rents were too high and still are. Can't afford to move out, but hate the location where I live as last bus back to house is 11.30, and cant really afford taxis all the time for nights out. So as a result I generally don't go out. Don't really like the people I live with as can't relate to them and basically find any chore a waste of time as anytime I clean they just wreck the place. Feel like I'm just there to pay for the bills.

Anyone I knew basically has left. Friends moved to other cities down through the years and because I was working unsociable hours, never made new friends. Even though I got on with loads of people I worked with, they all left through the years and nobody kept in contact. So I feel totally alone now.

The few friends I have live in another city and I miss them so much that I want to move there, but on other hand really miss my family and wnat to move home.

atm I'm between job benefit and job seekers allowance, currently stuck in the middle of the go-slow. have money from cwo to bridge the gap. Have been told by them that with situation am in, should qualify for rent allowance in house am currently in.

However, I really want to move, I'm very unhappy with that one aspect with life, and several others too and feeling really depressed all the time, but finally have the courage to go to GP about all that side.

I can't afford any place to move out on my own, even though that's what I want, as feel too old to be in yet another house share, of which I have had many of, some good and some bad. I fear that if I go for the rent allowance for the place I'm currently in they'll have major issue with me moving even though the location of where I am really depresses me and feel it's socially isolating, to the point that I've started feeling suicidal.

I've tried talking to friends and family about this, but nobody seems to be really listening and nobody has offered any help or advice in any real form. I feel like I'm going to be stuck living somewhere I hate for the next year or so and feel totally powerless. I've tried house hunting on my own, out of lack of anyone to help me, but have come across very sleazy landlords who harassed me sexually, so I'm scared to do this again on my own.

I've tried addressing the loneliness and meeting new people, but keep coming up against being sexually harassed by people (I've been outrightly offered money for sex) and cliques wherever I go so I just don't see the point in going to pubs anymore. I've tried the daytime actvities or non pub stuff, but always find people aren't interested in lingering after the event or there with all their friends/girlfriends and the like and not interested in me.

Am at point where I really don't know where to go for help or what to do with anything and feel completely trapped. have tried goign to friends and family for advice but they're always busy and often don't get back to me about anything.

Any suggestions/advice?

Ickle Magoo

Make a time line of what you want to happen, how realistically you could get there and set about working towards it. It's awful to feel that you are treading water or struggling to go nowhere but you may feel like you have something positive to aim for if you can get your plans down and see that you can get there, even if you have to get the head down a bit in the mean time.

Do you know anyone else who is looking for a flat? Can you speak to someone at the welfare dept about rent allowance and what you may qualify for if you move? Find out your options. Perhaps invite some family/friends around for dinner and tell them exactly how sad the situation is making you and ask directly for advice? Sometimes people don't hear unless you really grab their attention and spell it out.

Do you have any hobbies? If you can find people with similar interests or an interest in common then you have a better chance of meeting new friends - and there is always the beers or tLL meet ups for a chance to meet new people?

If you are feeling at all suicidal then please call the Samaritans on 1850 60 90 90 and have a chat with your GP asap.

Best of luck

unreggd

Maybe try some backpackers sites, for people just gettin here lookin for roommates.

Or surely you can find a room to rent at a similar price range?

I think once you're tested for rent allowance, it should be valid for anywhere similar

Being on the dole can be very positive, if you think positive. Most importantly, don't just stay in your house all the time. As this is the centre of your unhappiness, it's not a good idea.

Do you have relatives you could live with?

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies..

during the summer I was happy taking time out for myself after working hard and dealing with mental stress everyday. So I let myself drift a little and tried to re-explore my hobbies and interests.

The frustrating thing with where I live is that the walls are paper thin and everything can be heard around the house. The room I have is no bigger than a standard box room over the stairs with no storage space. after nearly six years in it, I've found there's no possibility to add new things to the room like book case etc because it is physically impossible to add anything to the room because there's no space. Sleeping in same ****ty single bed....can't have any possible man over for the night either, feel never can have a relationship with a man because of location of house and crappy room. The few times I've had anyone over, I had it hinted to me by one house mate to move out which I was shocked as they always had their friends over (girlie girl type that I hate) and always on a sat night brought back random people that kept walking into the rooms or getting up on sunday for work and finding total strangers around the house.

While I've tried to explore other aspects of my life while on the dole, anything that I really want to do, really want to explore, I feel I have no physical space to do so. I can't even sit and read a book anywhere because of constant goings of the 2 others in house, I never feel relaxed; the house is constantly in that lived in look and nobody does anything about it, one housemate has her laundry all over the house, just there, rarely tidies it away; often I put something somewhere and then later find it shoved out of the way for somebody else's stuff. they've often organised things together and left me out. was sick for 2 weeks in house (when I was working) and they didn't even notice. nobody did, not even anybody at work.

I did sit down and work out a plan for myself for where I was going as I had so many responsible issues that I neglected for so long and had no choice but to deal with it. I've been progressing with it over time with revisions and started achieving things for myself. I was happy doing that, but I end up doing too much and got tired and just feel I have too much on my mind all the time, too many responsibilities to deal with all the time.

I really have tired expressing myself to friends but feel they're all getting fed up with me now; lately anytime I text anybody they don't reply back to me and they used to. any family I talk to make it seem I just have to deal with it somehow, but don't offer help or suggestions how to or what they would do. I've basically asked to move back with my parents, but wasn't welcomed with that idea at all.

I just feel like an outsider all the time lately, but I used to be a happier person years ago, used to have loads of friends, felt really secure, didn't worry so much, high self-esteem, really social able and even recently but now I just don't feel it.

monkey brain

Hi there,
you sound like your stuck. This is understable given your situation, being on the dole even for a few months can be very hard as there is a large gap in your day and this does not help when your also unhappy with your living situation. In relation to recieving rent allowance i presume you should be able to recieve it. Firstly you need to figure out where you want to live as you are better to figure this out and then transfer your dole to that place( will take a few weeks) and then apply for rent allowance. It might help to write out a list of pros and cons of living in each place ie, where you are now, home or where your friends are. Sometimes when it is written in front of you it helps clear your head and have a better view on things.Then if you could decide that and make a move towards that as your first goal. Maybe have a couple of things lined up for afterwards, small goals ie gym, walks, join a library, look out for free activities, learn a language...wherever you end up living, give yourself a timescale and then review your situation. Focus on doing small things to help you feel better, and other doors will open for you. Its hard when your limited financially and feel isolated, especially with more time on your hands. If you cannot get the support from others, tap into your inner strength- its there! remember its all small steps, hope this helps and sorry if rambling.