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Out in the Cold

  • 13-03-2010 5:13pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi there,

    I am a female with two sisters- there are just the three of us in Ireland at the mo. Both these sister are very close to each other and I am on the outside. I don't get on with sister A so well (which is a result of childhood stuff that she still holds grudges over) and as a result am often left off the invite list. The two of them often arrange nights out, weekends away etc and I am not invited. I am often find out out from others that they were in fact away and when I bring it up its all "I thought I told you".
    They at times fall out with each other and then they are both straight on the phone to me trying to get me to side with them. While I am much more independent than the two of them but I often feel hurt by how much I am excluded and suppose in some ways am jealous of their closeness. I have mentioned this several times before and its always met with defensiveness,arguments and denials. I have been realll trying of late to develop the relationships but to no avail. I know I have a role to play in this but just not sure where I am going wrong? I do think however it suits them in some way to exclude me?Can anyone relate to this issue? Any advice or suggestions. Thanks G


Comments

  • #2
    Neyite
    Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    i have sisters, one i never got on with through childhood right through to our mid twenties, the others are closer in age, and were as thick as thieves when young and are still close. i always got on well with them.

    the one i didnt get on with started to change her animosity towards me once she had kids, almost like family became important to her, i was glad to bury the hatchet too tbh, but its still a relatively new friendship though.

    to be honest, if you sister is intent on holding that grudge, she wont be interested in a friendship. but it doenst mean that you cant try. at least then you know where you stand.

    sometimes we can be a bit too close to our sisters though, with my newly friendly sister, i found that i got almost miffed when she suddenly decided shes entitled to an opinion on my life now we are best buddies. all those years in teenage angst, i could have done with a bit of guidance from big sis but now im all grown up i dont need a big sis.

    now, i refrain from getting involved in rows or opinions that im not personally invested in- and its caused friction when i wont take sides but i dont care, and they soon got used to it. if you want to be involved with them, maybe invite them places/to do things with you instead of waiting for them to invite you? that way then, if they are halfway decent, they will return the courtesy.

    good luck


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I kid you not, I swear I could have written your post..identical.

    I 100% identify with you. I have 2 sisters too. One older, one younger...they hang out together and exclude me from stuff.

    I dont talk at all to the older one...she holds a grudge against me over something that happened over a year ago (I had no control over what happened)...

    The older one is a witch...the younger one I can get around her. I try and not let them upset me...

    I do speak my mind though, and if anyone of them pushes me, I will argue with them (I am very laid back-but not any longer with the older one-she walked all over me last year and I wont let her do it to me).

    If you get on with one of the sisters, try and keep a relationship with her...do things with her etc. Thats my only advice.


  • #4
    LeoB
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,256 ✭✭✭LeoB


    Agree with a lot of what Neyite says.

    Its a difficult one. I am from a fairly close family, we dont live in each others pockets but we would all know there is support and advice close at hand if needed. One sibling however has distanced themselves from me and my family and had not been in my home for nearly 2 years. It annoys me and would really hurt our parents if they were alive. But its their choice I phoned her twice but wont phone again all these relationships are two way.

    If I were you I would ask them out for a meal and suggest maybe you are included in a girls weekend away. If they snub you again and then fall out with other I would snub them both when they call you.
    While life is to short to be squabbling its also to short to spend it pleasing others all the time..


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