Chronic Insecurity/Jealousy (Re-worded, cool?)

Jake LeMotta

Hi Everyone,
My name is Jake.
And I suffer from chronic insecurity and jealousy.

What's that I hear you say?
"Why Jake, that's nobodies fault but your own, that's all in your mind"
Yes, comes my reply.
My wife Vicky, she's not trying to provoke me in the least. She does everything possible to make me feel as secure as possible.

I know deep down I'm her No. 1 man, but I can't help but wonder
"Does she every think of anybody else?"

Before she met me, she thought of other guys right?
She dressed in a provocative way to attract their attention.
She thought about their hands on her, how she would want that.
Maybe she thinks about it now..

Not that I feel threatened, cause I'm such an Alpha Male macho son of a gun.
But I can't help but wonder..

I was browsing through her facebook page earlier, and I came across a picture album from a couple years back, from before we were together, entitled "Nights on the town", followed by the date.

In one picture she had her arm linked into another guys arm.
She had pulled him in close to her so he was firmly pressed against her left breast, their heads leaning against each other and she had somehow undone the top button on her already low cut blouse so that she was revealing ample cleavage.
I know this was not the case previous to her encounter with him as in all the other photos her blouse was fully buttoned.
And of course she had a big delighted smile on her face, as did he.

To be fair, the guy was a good looking bloke. Tall, well built, handsome face and looked like a cool enough guy.
And I'll admit it, they looked cute together.
But I can't help but feel like I want do to him what I did to Jeneiro.


Though I should point out my insecurity does not stem from the fact that if she's out of my sight cause I think some guy is gonna take advantage of her.
Sweet talk her and she's putty in the hand.
I know this would never be the case cause she's a very self assured and confident person.

Let's take for example another photo from the famous album.
She's dressed up as a school girl; short skirt, knee high boots, and a low button blouse cut off at the shoulders with a matching neck tie.
Not overly revealing but very suggestive.

In the photo, there are three of them on what appears to be a dance floor in a nightclub.
There's some guy behind them, and he appears to be making some attempt to put the moves on Vicky.
In the photo, she's fully aware of this and she has the appropriate smug smile on her face as if to say,
"Oh yeah, who got sex appeal? I got sex appeal! Who do all the guys want? Me, they want me!"

Your not gonna tell me that at some point during the course of these escapades she didn't succumb to the charms of one of these dudes and start sucking the face off him; an image that drives me up the wall.

Perhaps if she met a real nice guy they'd get something to eat after and go back to his place for some "desert".
The image of which makes me so mad.

But them days are behind her now.
She's all grown up and mature and that seductive side to her person has dissipated.
And what makes me most mad.
It dissipated on some other bunch of random blokes.
I should have been the guy all that sexy seductive charm was used on.
Don't get me wrong, she's hot as hell.
But I feel I missed out on the best part of what she had to offer.

And I'm so jealous of those guys that had her and didn't appreciate her.
And I'm mad at her for leaving that part of her personality behind, for growing up and being mature, cause I never got a taste of what she had then.
Cause during them years when she was playing little-miss-tease-alot, I was focused on training, being in the gym, ignoring the distractions, no girls, no bars, no alcohol, no life.
And sure, now I'm the champ and all the hard work has paid off.
And deep down I know that without the confidence and self assuredness my boxing and success has brought me I wouldn't have it in myself to be with a girl like Vicky.

But I'm so angry and jealous that I missed out on what could have been the best part of our relationship.
That it was wasted on some bunch of random Joe Blows.
Will she ever get that back?
Can she ever return to be that person?
For me?

I could just go off and hand pick some other young beauty with ease.
But it's hard to do that when you know your giving up a relationship with a person, the only person really, that beyond the whole status ego things, you really have a connection with.

Anyway, being insanely jealous about a situation I can't really control, it's gonna do my head in.
So I'm reaching out to you, you good folks at boards.ie
Cause I read other threads and I know, or hope at least, that I'll get some honest and mature, possibly even helpful replies.
Many thanks in advance,
Yours,
Jake

Silverfish

Jake LeMotta wrote: »

Hi Everyone,
My name is Jake.

My wife Vicky, she's not trying to provoke me in the least.

Not that I feel threatened, cause I'm such an Alpha Male macho son of a gun.
But I can't help but wonder..

But I can't help but feel like I want do to him what I did to Jeneiro.

Cause during them years when she was playing little-miss-tease-alot, I was focused on training, being in the gym, ignoring the distractions, no girls, no bars, no alcohol, no life.
And sure, now I'm the champ and all the hard work has paid off.

Apologies, but the quotes above do not do anything to convince me you are actually seeking help, they would imply you are trolling.