Do you think it's ok for your current partner to talk to their ex

purity87

I know the guy I'm seeing speaks to his ex behind my nack he denies it

Monkey61

Yes it is fine. He shouldn't be lying to you obviously, but if you are the type to be unreasonable and have a major freak out (not saying that you are) then I could see why he would keep it from you.

I am friends with most of my exes. One is my best friend - we speak on the phone every day and meet up regularly. Others I would hang out with on a regular enough basis too. My girlfriend has no problem with it - and if she did, to be honest I would question that relationship because it would be a sign of major unreasonableness and insecurity.

Barracudaincork

Yes its ok your partner speaks to their ex, its not ok they lie about it. The lying is your issue not him speaking to his ex IMO. Did he tell you why he denied it?

mobilecore

It is ok for someone to be friends with their ex as you cant control someone - however it does make alot of people uncomfortable Its one of those things.

You should confront him on this. Its not good early on to find out the person you are dating is lying. This can grow into distrust if not sorted. So just ask him that you heard / saw / how ever you know that he is speaking to his ex.




On the subject of exs:
To be honest, I would find that very hard to speak to an ex ... Now when I say ex I mean someone i dated for at least a good few months.
If i dated a girl briefly for a few weeks or a month or two then obviously feelings probably didnt develop so thats easy to strike a friendship after.
But if i was dating a girl for anything from 6months + onwards. I dont think I could be friends so easily.
I can understand two people who stopped talking for months after a breakup then friendship happened. they took time to cool down. thats fine.
I think if two people who are dating for a few months, break up, then friends are either lying to themselves (the bs line of "lets be friends") or one party, or even both, just never really cared about the other. When you break up with someone you never really cared about I think its easy for that party to want friendship.

randylonghorn

Barracudaincork wrote: »

Yes its ok your partner speaks to their ex, its not ok they lie about it.

This.

I would speak to the 3 (serious) exes, in fact, I'd be on good terms with all three ... mightn't see them for a year or more at a time, but when I do it's a hug and a gossip and catching up on the news. Two of their current partners have absolutely no problem, and will have a laugh and a joke, and chat away themselves and take the pish; one is a little less comfortable ... always polite and everything, just not exactly friendly. (In fairness though, the two of us wouldn't exactly be natural friend material anyway, even he wasn't going out with my ex ... I suspect we wouldn't agree on the colour of the sky tbh!)

It's not good that he lies about it though.

Is there any reason he should? Have you given him reason to think you would have a fit if he does? Or perhaps a previous gf gave him grief on the subject?

sam34

of course its ok to speak to an ex.

its not ok to lie about it

theg81der

If you think he still has feelings for his ex then no, but then what are you doing with him anyway?

anoriginalname

My ex spoke to her ex all the time. At the start of the relationship I asked her about where things stood with them. She said that they just passed each other off, and chatted occasionally. I found it upsetting and annoying that she was talking to her. I thought I was insanely insecure. Turned out they still had feelings for each other, and I got completely ****ed over. Go with your gut feeling on this.

loveofliving

It's cool that I came across this, because this was definitely something I had issues with. I think if I was talking to someone else now I would say that of course it's OK. It's two people, so why shouldn't they be allowed? However, the lying thing is such a weird one. Like obviously lying is never acceptable, but if you have a really insecure boyfriend/girlfriend who doesn't want you to be friends or talk to your Ex but you don't want to just drop that person and be mean, then you don't have much of a choice than to lie about the odd text or whatever. But I can definitely relate to having issues with it. My boyfriend and his Ex ended on good terms and were friends. It's quite strange because they met up etc and nothing ever happened but they spoke ALL THE TIME as if they were still in a relationship. But when he met me there was obviously a line, one that I never mentioned, but they gradually stopped talking, they definitely never met up, and now she'll just text him the odd time (like when his graddad died/ to wish him a happy birthday or something). I am an insecure person, so I would always wish he didn't, and feel guilty for it, but there is definitely wrong with it if it is just innocent contact. I would text me Ex back. It doesn't mean I want to be with him again. Far from it! It's a tough one. We all have a past, I suppose some of us (me) would often wish your boyfriends past could be erased so you never have to imagine them having been with someone else. C'est La Vie though.:cool: