Missed opportunities

LegacyUser

I seem to get scared of girls that I am interested in far too easily and I just cannot approach them. Here is two example that I will probably never forget.

Girl 1: Two years ago I met this girl through a friend on a college night out, walked her home and gave her my jacket but nothing ever happened. I see her out about two weeks later and she gets my name wrong and I walk away (it was meant to walk back but for some reason I didn’t). I see her out a few times again but yet again nothing happened but then I find myself by the end of the year thinking about her all the time. Then she takes a year out to do ERASMUS but she comes home a lot to see her friends and this year some of my mates are hanging around in with her friends so I get talking to her again but yet I dont try to go in for the kill for a use of a better word. So a few days after she goes back to her ERASMUS college I add her on FB with the idea of talking to her on it but I chicken out. Then about two weeks later I see she was tagged in photos getting with some guy, I was heart broken felt terrible but then again I can’t have any complaints because I did nothing about it. She ended up going out with that guy but she didn’t stay together as they lived on difference continents. I have seen her around campus but I haven’t talked her but I still think about her.

Girl 2: This story is very pathetic but anyway last year I was on a quite night out with a few lads from my class and I notice this girls giving me all the signals (smiling over at me, moving over to the table beside me and dancing beside me) but I didn’t do anything about it and I kicked myself for it. I see her out about 5 times after that night but I still wasn’t able to go over and talk to her. I see her once at the very start of college this year but I don’t see her again until I was early for once for one of my lectures so I walked a different way to waste up a bit of time and I see a girl who looks a lot like her waiting outside another lecture hall. I see her a few more times but I still not sure if it’s the same girl but then I see her with her with one of her friends who I also remember so I was sure it was the same girl (dam girls looking very different dressed up). For the last 3 months I see her about 1-3 times a week around campus and every time there would be a lot of eye contact but I still cannot go over and talk to her. I know she commutes to college as I often see her getting the train (I walk home by the train station) so yesterday I see her very dressed up for college and I think to myself she must be heading out tonight and I try all my mates but no one would head out with me. I was going to go down alone but then I kinda got trapped in my house.
So anyway I see her today on campus and today was the last day of college for a week but my thesis is due in a few weeks so I am staying down to work away on that so I leave college at 8 and I take a short cut home and low and behold there is straight in front of me walking with this guy (who looks a bit like me[actually had the same top I have]) and they where heading down a secluded area so I had a very good idea what they might be getting up to. Then after 5mins I turn around and walk to where they were going and I see the two of them getting with each other. Yet again I get the same feeling, but this time its I feel bad in a different way because at least the last time I had actually talked to the girl and I knew her name and a lot of other stuff but this girl I knew nothing really about her.
This is a bit funny but when this happened with the first girl I was staying in my college house on my own for the weekend and now the same thing has happened again.
The only person I am angry with is myself like I feel no anger towards anyone else but you would have thought I would have learnt my lesion from the 1st girl but obviously not. I just cant seem to approach girls and its killing me. I since was about 16 I have gotten really down about myself when it comes to women because of the lack of ability I have when it comes to getting with them. I don’t want to come across as a spa but I know im not the worst looking and I seem to catch girls eyes (like walk past them catching there eye then looking away and catching it again). Im also not a complete loner or anything like make friends very easily and know lots of people while still having a good bunch of good friends but there is a few things that I know aren’t helping me when it comes to getting women. My course is very hard on Maths and its known for attracting the Geeky type and there is no girls in my course and the guys I hang round with are the same as me when it comes to getting with women. One of the guys who is like me is able to get with women no bother but his solution is just getting hammered but im not so keen on this. Also all of my immediate friends are male which is a far cry from school when I had a good few female friends.

I know I will get over this (I actually feel better now after typing this all out) but what I have a real problem with is that I will not learn from these mistakes. I don’t like feeling like this so you would think I wouldn’t let it again but I just cant see me doing anything about it.

With this being my last year in college I am very scared finishing because well I wont have the same amount of women around me. Like I will more then likely be going into an a small office and the only time I will get to see women of my own again is out in a nightclub but I hardly ever get with girls in nightclubs.

Sorry for the very long rant I just need to get that off my chest and well I didn’t want to tell anyone that as well it’s a bit pathetic. On a side note, if only writing my thesis was so easy

Kevster

You know, writing huge chunks of text is an instant turn off. You should have at least broken up your post into different paragraphs. That's the 'firstly'. Secondly, you should never rue the past and should instead always look forward. The 'negative' situations from your past (the ones that you've described here) can easily be turned into positives, if you are so willing to see them in that way. The fact of the matter is that we learn from everything in life, even the most negative of situations. I am fond of saying to people that there are 'positives in every negative'.

So, don't wallow in your self-pity and -anger. Instead, look for the next opportunity to get with a girl and don't be fearful. That's easier said than done, right? - That's what I hear you saying. However, the next time you are in a situation where you have a chance, don't let it pass. Rejection - in all its glory - is a positive thing. When it happens, just move onto the next opportunity.

Kevin

vicecreamsundae

it can be difficult to approach people, especially when they're not in your classes and you just seem to pass each other by all the time.
have you thought about the kinds of things you could have said to start a conversation, if you had the chance again?

little things like asking someone if they know the time, or if they know if a certain band or clubnight is on that week or even just grinning and saying "it's freezing today!" while you walk past them can provide opportunities to talk to them again.

i think you should join a couple societies on campus, whether alone, or bring a friend or two with you, and make an effort to get talking to new people, even guys or girls who you're not attracted to. sometimes you meet just one new person, and next thing you know you're at a party and being introduced to loads of people who they know.

LegacyUser

Kevster wrote: »

You know, writing huge chunks of text is an instant turn off. You should have at least broken up your post into different paragraphs.

Sorry, I wrote that in Word and when I copied it in it lost all formatting.

Yeah I see where you are coming from but when it happened with Girl1 I said I wouldnt miss up an opportunity like that again but it has happened more then once since then.

vicecreamsundae wrote: »

it can be difficult to approach people, especially when they're not in your classes and you just seem to pass each other by all the time.
have you thought about the kinds of things you could have said to start a conversation, if you had the chance again?

little things like asking someone if they know the time, or if they know if a certain band or clubnight is on that week or even just grinning and saying "it's freezing today!" while you walk past them can provide opportunities to talk to them again.

i think you should join a couple societies on campus, whether alone, or bring a friend or two with you, and make an effort to get talking to new people, even guys or girls who you're not attracted to. sometimes you meet just one new person, and next thing you know you're at a party and being introduced to loads of people who they know.

Yeah actually I had a good one but I was always too chicken to go up and say something.

There has been a few times where I was gonna say something along them lines but I start over thinking it and thus not saying anything.

Ah yeah I was in a few clubs when I first came to college and one of them is them is how I met the guy who introduced me to Girl1 but I ended up quitting them half way through my second year as they took up too much time and my grades where terrible because of that. Expect for the clubs I quit I am not really into any other clubs or societies and there isnt too much point as I only have 2 months left of college.


I still feel crap and I have tried not to think about it but I cant.

unreggd

OP, everyone has regrets, and certainly not just in regards to relationships

I'm sure these girls liked you, but noone will wait around forever, hoping for Romeo to show up

You don't have to meet your future wife in college, but make use of the social events (RAG week, balls etc)

Where else do you socialise?

Make it your plan to talk to someone you like on Monday! If ye dont get it sorted, it'll annoy you forever, in most aspects of life

Good Luck!!

LegacyUser

Just remembered the day after I seen the photos of Girl1 I went to gig and after me saying I wouldnt let another opportunity pass I did just that after the gig.

unreggd wrote: »

OP, everyone has regrets, and certainly not just in regards to relationships

I'm sure these girls liked you, but noone will wait around forever, hoping for Romeo to show up

You don't have to meet your future wife in college, but make use of the social events (RAG week, balls etc)

Where else do you socialise?

Make it your plan to talk to someone you like on Monday! If ye dont get it sorted, it'll annoy you forever, in most aspects of life

Good Luck!!

I know im not looking for a future wife but it seems that I am missing out with getting with women for no other reason then me being scared and shy when it comes to approaching women.

My RAG week has already passed and I had to skip most of it due to the college work load. Since 1st year my social life has changed completely like I would be out most days of the week, always at random house parties and at most college events thus resulting in me getting to know a lot of people. I even got with a few girls by doing all this.
But now its a different story as I only really hang around with the same people and havent really made any new friends since the start of the year. The reason why I was so social in first year was because I didnt know anyone when I moved here and I hated my house mates so I made a lot of effort to get to know people but once I knew loads of people I stopped putting so much effort in being social.

But yeah I see where you are coming from like there is a Ball coming up soon that I am thinking of going to so I think I will go to that.

Humm I would like to say yes I will try to talk to someone I like but I just cant see me doing that. When I consider I have only caught there eye in a hallway or something and have nothing really to talk about.

ninjasurfer1

What about joining some clubs and societies in your college?
That way, you get to meet a lot of new people that you might not meet through your regular group of friends? (and you'll have something in common with them - i.e. whatever club/society you're joined).

LegacyUser

Seeing as most intervarsities are over with most clubs rap up for the year as there is only two months left. As for societies I have no real interest any of them as I am more of a sports man.

unreggd

Well ye never have anything to talk about if you don't know the person, hence, get to know them!

Add them on facebook, have a quick chat, go for coffe or somethin

Or if you share lectures, try sit beside them and make some small talk

BLACKEN

after wasting five minutes of my life reading your very long post i've had a moment a clarity!!!

no offence but i dont want to be you in a couple of years! so i'm not going to wast another opportunity again! i'd advise you to grow a pair and get your act together! gud luck!

Max_Damage

BLACKEN wrote: »

after wasting five minutes of my life reading your very long post i've had a moment a clarity!!!

no offence but i dont want to be you in a couple of years! so i'm not going to wast another opportunity again! i'd advise you to grow a pair and get your act together! gud luck!

I'm sure he'll feel better reading that.

Nevyn

BLACKEN
Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.

Thaedydal

Dark Phoenix

OP the best thing you can do is firstly let go of the past. You have written it down, gotten it out and now you need to stop obsessing about two girls you barely knew. Sorry to be blunt but obsessing about a girl and seeing her all the time but never speakign to her well its a bit stalkerish. They may have liked you who knows but neither was going to wait around for months for divine intervention or something to happen. If you were not able to speak to them they probably felt you were not interested or just got on with it and met someone else.

Make a pact with yourself from today to go up and talk to girls, take advantage of situations, if you know someone and like them then start with a smile and say 'hi'. build it up from there. Yes its hard but you have to make yourself do these things and little by little you will gain confidence.

Joining some groups on college is a great idea and willhelp you to meet people

LegacyUser

My college saying was "he who hesitates, mastur*****"
What is the worst thing that can happen if you talk to them?
they say No, big deal
just ask the next person the more you ask the closer you are to a yes

OP You are thinking too much, what will I say, how should I say it, what if , what if she says what if
Forget all that Cr8p and just talk to them - start with hello and how is it going
Thats two more sentences then you've managed to date, and should flow from there