appreciate a guys opinion-should i be patient?

countryliving

would appreciate a guy's viewpoint. should i give up!
met a guy in a well known late bar in my local town a few weeks ago. will refer to this guy as T he got my number the following week we went on a dinner date, a few days later on the saturday before valentines he took me out for dinner again and at the end of the night he gave me a beautiful bottle of perfume - which i love.
the following week he rang me told me he could'nt meet me at the weekend as he is guardian to a couple of kids and had to go up the country for the weekend but suggested meeting on the sunday evening. we live about 50 minutes drive away from each other in different counties. however, i went to secondary school in his local town and we have a lot in common, farming backround, like the same things and yeh we just fit. i am 36 have met so many horrible guys and have had many bad experiences.
T cancelled meeting on the sunday evening and instead of going no worries. i wrongly sent him a stupid text saying it was'nt good enough he could of made the effort to meet and i didn't believe he was telling me the truth about the guardianship of kids.
turns out it is true as my friend rang his friend and had a chat....
between the jigs and reels i plucked up the courage( i believe he is a guy worth fighting for) to text him as i was passing through his town 2 weeks ago and felt i owed him an apology.
he rang me and we met (he was looking great and i was really attracted to him ) i apologised for being wrong explaining i had my period and saying i was the typical woman and then - being honest and saying i have had bad experiences with guys i was'nt sure if he was telling the truth, that i believe he is decent and honourable and a good guy. T apologised to me for not making an effort. it was all great. he asked me out on a date and rang during the week and text etc.
last friday night we went out, had a great date. i treated him to dinner and we did a pub crawl - we were in his territory and we had great fun. neither of us were drinking. we sat in his car talking for 2 hours - ( i thought he would never kiss me!!!!! we had kissed before ...but it was great when he eventually kissed me) i left feeling so disappointed as he never suggested meeting again but said he had a lovely night.
in fairness, he lost a close family member in the last 2 months, he runs a couple of businesses (won't say in case someone knows him) he works 24 7. like everyone he is under massive financial pressure now. he has a house but its 3 hours away where he works 1 day a week when he is at home he lives with his bachelor brother. he is conservative, tradition and old fashioned at 38 but i fancy him and i believe we connect. i am a little flighty, fun, have lived my life, have travelled. however, full circle finding that i am conservative... i am very sincere and too nice and too caring.
he rang me wednesday night and i was naked going for a swim in the gym and of course i was honest and told him! i text him later on and we exchanged a few texts about running naked along beaches...and said im conservative, have to know someone very well be comfortable etc.
so, the bottom line is - he text me yesterday morning, i responded. i have'nt heard from him since yesterday morning, thursday. its friday night and i understand from last friday night that he is working tonight.
i am so disappointed as - he has not asked me out on a date over the weekend. should i forget him? what is wrong with guys that they can't just follow the dating process, ask out on dates etc. T said he had a lovely night last night...........
my impression is he is decent, honourable and we get on great. ive met so many guys that i know this guy is different. i would trust him.i dont believe he is that experienced with women, last sat night there was a mass for the family member he rang me sunday his call and wednesday.
will i even hear from him again?
i am not going to text him or ring him as i don't want to be annoying. i think T is set enough in his ways used to working 24 7 and has his weekly routine mapped out, he has'nt figured how i fit into that yet.
but is this the way guys operate?
i keep hoping i will hear from him.
i am trying to play it cool and not text.........
any thoughts? advice?
am i a total twit?
thank you

Taltos

You are not a total twit. But I do think you are afraid of being hurt.

Look at it this way.
He is mental busy 24 * 7
He just had a loss in the family
He has strong committments to the kids & prioritises them appropriately.
Did I say he was busy...

So why not give him a break. Ask him out.
Then you will know either way.

Just one thing - the way you reacted when he could not make it that weekend. Well to be totally honest, that alone would have sent me running. The fact that he did not - well he is willing to give you a second chance.

Don't pressurise him, don't act all offended if he has plans. It is early days right now - and you really should not be living in each others pockets - so maybe a weekend apart is good. But call him anyway and let him know you are thinking of him. Remember needy - bad.

As he has to really manage every aspect of his life as he is self employed - he might just relish and enjoy someone else making some of his decisions. Just don't come on too strong, and please don't repeat that "freak out". Just try to be yourself again - fun to be with, self-assured and happy.... Together that will remind him of what he liked when he sat in the car with you for hours talking.

countryliving

hi 'Taltos' - thanks for your advice.
i appreciate i am lucky to have got the second chance with him. i apologised for sending him that text explained why. T also apologised for not making the effort.
i don't want to appear desperate or needy for sure.
thank you - your advice is very good.

Canis Lupus

Who with the what now? You read like a woman desperate for a fella. I see nothing wrong with how things are progessing..... You like him and he seems to like you so just chill the **** out and wait and see what happens.

Cheap Thrills!

i apologised for being wrong explaining i had my period and saying i was the typical woman

Oh OP, you didn't.......men don't want to hear about your period when they have only been on a few dates with you. Keep that to yourself. Boundaries, boundaries!

You're spilling over with intensity. You need to settle back and stop smothering the man. He seems nice just busy.

The only thing that will blow it is if you come accross too bunny boilerish. Just calm down and be yourself, don't become everything he is in order to fulfill the fantasy of 'star crossed lovers'
EG '....I was impulsive and flighty but really deep down I am conservative!'

Its early days, just be yourself. Don't panic every time he doesn't ring for a day or two. 'Will he ever ring me again!'

I think he will !

Taltos

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

Oh OP, you didn't.......men don't want to hear about your period when they have only been on a few dates with you. Keep that to yourself. Boundaries, boundaries!

I am so glad you put that there - I so wanted to address it but just came across as a total guy. Phew. Even trying to address it had me uncomfortable...
OP - thing is - if you used your period as an excuse - then you have tipped your hand that once a month you are going to be an absolute b!tch to be around...

So maybe do sit back and relax a bit more with this relationship. Take it slowly - but do call him - and maybe arrange a date for say next week or the week after - not tonight or immediately though....
This way you let him know you want to see him - but that you both have other things to do

Best of luck, really hope it works out for you.

countryliving

hi - cheap thrills, canis lupus and taltos - yes, i am trying to chill out and relax & hope that he will ring/text me. its saturday night and i have'nt heard from him since thurs!!!Ahhhhh...........:( however hes into a pub so i know he was working last night & he'd be down there this afternoon with the match.
i am heading out with my friends later in dublin so at least will have a laugh with the girls.
also, taltos - i don't know if i'd have the courage to contact him again and ask him out ........i would prefer if he did that & i'd be more comfortable if he got in touch with me again. don't guys prefer it that way? i did go beyond my comfort zone and rang him to meet him for a coffee to apologise so -this time i'd prefer if he rang me......T was able to ask me out the first evening we met and he is well able to ring me......
i hope i hear from him again......hes a nice guy, we had a couple of good dates and i am not in a rush.

BobbyOLeary

countryliving wrote: »

hi - cheap thrills, canis lupus and taltos - yes, i am trying to chill out and relax & hope that he will ring/text me. its saturday night and i have'nt heard from him since thurs!!!Ahhhhh...........:( however hes into a pub so i know he was working last night & he'd be down there this afternoon with the match.
i am heading out with my friends later in dublin so at least will have a laugh with the girls.
also, taltos - i don't know if i'd have the courage to contact him again and ask him out ........i would prefer if he did that & i'd be more comfortable if he got in touch with me again. don't guys prefer it that way? i did go beyond my comfort zone and rang him to meet him for a coffee to apologise so -this time i'd prefer if he rang me......T was able to ask me out the first evening we met and he is well able to ring me......
i hope i hear from him again......hes a nice guy, we had a couple of good dates and i am not in a rush.

Not always. You say it's out of your comfort zone to ask him out, well maybe he doesn't want a girl who isn't happy to ask him out. He's a busy man as you said and maybe he doesn't want to have to chase a woman all the time.

If you like him so much ask him out, if you can't do that then you're essentially gambling whether or not you'll see him again.

SheRa

Honestly I think that if he was interested he'd contact you again.

Daftendirekt

countryliving wrote: »

also, taltos - i don't know if i'd have the courage to contact him again and ask him out ........i would prefer if he did that & i'd be more comfortable if he got in touch with me again. don't guys prefer it that way? i did go beyond my comfort zone and rang him to meet him for a coffee to apologise so -this time i'd prefer if he rang me......T was able to ask me out the first evening we met and he is well able to ring me......
i hope i hear from him again......hes a nice guy, we had a couple of good dates and i am not in a rush.

With regard to the bolded text: no. I'm sure some guys do, but don't bank on it. Speaking for myself anyway, there's nothing more refreshing than a woman who takes the initiative. Take control of the situation. You sound like you feel completely powerless at the moment, but you're not.

As for your general situation, it sounds all good to me. Take it it easy, and don't sweat it. You said yourself he's a busy guy. Just relax and enjoy how things are unfolding.

But you should probably call him yourself at some stage. You won't be annoying him - taking a quick phone call isn't much of a chore! What if the only reason he hasn't tried to arrange another date is because he doesn't think you're that interested?

Tail Wagger

Dear countryliving

Don't mean to sound like Frankie Byrne

Big mistake, your out with the guy twice and he brake's a date, so you decide to send him an angry text!

no Guy wants that sort of treatment, after two dates the Guy is only getting to know you and hear you are acting like a wife of 10 years.

You need to change your attitude about this Guy, if you want him to come back.
He's a business man and works 24x7 travels to different locations and is under a lot of business pressures, your words. At the moment your at the lower end of a very busy schedule and if you don't change you'll end up even lower.

My advice, let him smolder for a week don't text of phone him, pretend to be very busy, see if he contacts you. after that time then make up some reason to phone him invite him out, explain to him you understand the pressures he's under and make him feel that he's important to you and make him feel he's wanted, make your time with him feel special, if you get the chance to do this I think he'll be contacting you next time...... let's know how it's going and good luck.!

Barracudaincork

Hi OP,

Id sit tight for awhile if i was you, tbh your whole period comment is far worse than any bad mood you would of been in and he is more than likely weighing up the pros and cons of dating someone with bad PMT (this is the impression you gave), if it wasnt true and you werent having bad PMT then really you arent being very far to women out there who genuinely do get it and suffer from it, if you do happen to be one of these ladies who get it bad then you have my sympathy but not the sympathy of a new man who thinks or wants to think of you as a hottie right now and not someone with cramps, baggy tracksuit, hotwater bottle etc

But whats done is done and worrying about it wont change it, so sit tight and see what happens, if he calls then great if he doesnt then that just leaves you open to meet someone else etc its a win win situation if your attitude lets it be

LegacyUser

+1 on mentioning your period. Only do that with people you know well, and even at that, don't use it as an excuse. If they're that bad that they're affecting a relationship, you should see a doctor to make them easier to get through.

+1 on waiting also. You already contacted him and apologised. If he's interested, he'll contact you again. If he's not, he won't. I know some men say they like women to ask them out, but if a woman bucks the trend and asks a man out, you can be sure she'll buck the trend in other ways too which will not sit well with most men no matter how much they say they like it. End result is that you never hear from them again without any explanation, reason being they don't even know themselves that they don't like women bucking the trend. Harsh but true.

In the meantime OP, forget about T for the moment, and get out and meet other people. If he does ring you and arranges a meet up, go but with the mindset that he has to prove himself to you. You've to prove yourself to him also, you've to take things easy and see if you click which takes quite a bit of time. I know there are very few decent men at this age who are not already taken, that doesn't mean however that you have to fall for him without taking the time to get to know him first.

Good luck

muboop1

Love, chill the hell out!

Look, I have my gf for about 2 years at this stage...

Here's how our initial dating went...

Randomly scored in a club (friend of a friend)

I txt her 4 days later.

Met up with her had a date, bottled kissing her until last possible moment... called her 3 days later...

etc...

I never called her the next day, or even the one after I don't think.

People do things in their own time!
You said yourself he is busy.

Just relax!

I know it can be easy to get a tad stressed or obsessive... But you really can't be. You are putting to much expectation on this. Firstly you have only had a couple of dates. He has no obligation to call you and meet you every weekend etc... maybe he is busy? Would seem rather sad if he rang you to say, "oh sorry i cant see you this weekend i am busy with some mundane work stuff" so likey he wouldn't.

I dunno you post screams bunny boiler. Yet I do not think you are?

Just give him his space and try not to over think things. If he wants to see you he will call you. End of...

Plus he must like you if he didnt bail after your ridiculous criticism due to him not making an effort... Then excusing it with you being on your period! I certainly wouldnt of gone on another date with a girl who said those things to me unless i really liked her!


Why give him a text or ask him out?

theg81der

Op don`t contact him you`ve made it abundantly clear your available for him if he doesn`t contact he`s not interested .

Hope he does thou! xx

countryliving

hi everyone - appreciate you all taking the time to give me advice and guidance
no - not a bunny boiler!! took me a while to figure out what that meant!!! nah, don't expect and i wouldn't want a guy texting or ringing me 24 7 or me doing the same to him - balance is the way i operate.
i am holding back on contacting this guy T. i believe in fate and destiny so for some reason the way it worked out ie the way we met and the fact i was at this venue this night etc. long story and the company i was with so....hopefully and wishing that T does come back in the meantime i am going to chill ..........;)